when you find me

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Something is said

It sits in my head

It's been there too long,

It's killing me slow

It's rolling around,

It's pushing me down

It's keeping the good part of me closed



My only weakness is knowing your secrets

And holding them close, and hold them tight

I know the way to silently make you smile with my eyes,

When you're trying to fight



Can't you see that when I find you, I'll find me?

I need you to know today--

I'll wait for you always.

Title: When You Find Me
Artist: Joshua Radin
Album: Adam Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

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First heard this song from the movie Adam. It's a fantastic movie by the way. It's about this guy named Adam and he has this disorder that made him difficult to interact with people. And then he fell in love. This song was perfect for the movie. I like Johua Radin's music. Makes me love folk even more. Thanks OTH for introducing new and great artists!

poisons and antidotes

I AM STUCK IN REVERSE, thoughts reeling backwards from the day you decided to take back the heart you placed on my hands. As I watched you walk away, your back on my face, the world began to spin the opposite way. The day grew darker till it completely faded into night. And I was left there alone like I usually am until you came. And I am still here, alone, drinking a cocktail of sadness brewed with my own hands—a poison to the soul I wish I could suck out of my system but couldn’t. Because in truth, you’re the only brand of happiness that could intoxicate me. You’re my antidote.

I need you and I want you back. I am mustering what’s left of my pride to choke out these words because I have no right to implore for anything. It is wrong for me to ask for forgiveness or any form of absolution. I am stripped of everything when I took that wrong small step that caused you a big deal of pain. And for that, no one should be blamed but me. It would be poetic justice for you to just loathe me for what I’ve done, and look me in the eye as you watch me slowly die in misery. I will leave you without harboring any trace of neither hate nor bitterness in my heart because you have given me the opposite. You have given me love, as sweet as any true love can be. And that what makes the separation much more unbearable. Because I fail to understand the reasons why I was able to give you hurts as much as I give you love.

There are people who believe in second chances, and those who don’t. I sincerely hope that you belong to those who do. Because if there’s still a sliver of chance, no matter how small it may be even to the point of almost impossibility, I’d still take it and bridge the struggles that I need to take for me to hold you in my arms again, facing new days with faith and hope renewed. I have betrayed your trust. And I don’t think there are right words to earn it back. But if you don’t believe and your door is already sealed shut, I will not barge it down. You deserve a safe haven free of lies and deceit, and selfish desires—a sanctuary where you can find healing from all the wounds I have inflicted upon you. I will not knock, but I’ll wait by your doorstep till you open the door and let me in, with nothing but a flower and a promise of always being there for you. But until that moment comes and we see each other somewhere in the future, I would look at you with joy and reminisce how we spent that one night basking underneath the flickering lights of the stars.

I am sorry and I love you—I hope these words would fail to diminish the true essence of what I am trying to say. Because in my heart, these two things stretch as far as the heavens and I hope they would reach and kindle yours and still find in it a special place for me to stay.

LOST Finale: How could I be so stupid to watch it wrong?!

If you don’t watch LOST and are not planning to, well you may continue to read. But if you do and haven’t watched the finale yet, you should close this page NOW!

Anyway, I watched the final episode of the series last night and my reaction was—WHAT THE HELL?! It didn’t make sense (particularly the events that occurred in the flash-sideways timeline). I was so frustrated and confused of the thought that the series that thrived on giving questions would end with a very big one. And so I browsed the net for an explanation and there it was as clear as day—I watched the whole season wrong. I didn’t think such a thing was possible.

It turned out, my interpretation of the flash-sideways was wrong. I thought the explosion in the final episode of season 5 (thank you Juliet. May you rest in peace) not only brought everybody to the present but also made an alternate parallel universe wherein the plane didn’t crash on the island and everybody got to live happily ever after. I assumed that was the case because of the term flash-sideways, which was very misleading I think. It even made me miss crucial literary figuratives to understand the episode. I thought the original timeline and sideways timeline were occurring at the same time. But they’re not. In fact, the sideways phenomenon was not caused by the bomb. It was a purgatory universe or limbo where they stayed to deal with their unfinished businesses. So in short, they all died. Surprise! Surprise!

And so with this crucial knowledge, I watched it again and finally, it made complete sense. It was like watching it for the first time. I almost cried on the scene when Jack was dying and Vincent, the Dog stayed with him. T_T. I got emotional when Jack finally got reconciled with his father. In those moments, it made me feel like death isn’t a bad thing; that beyond the pain, a great thing awaits all of us. It was a great ending. It perfectly went with the series’ theme of redemption and forgiveness.

I think LOST will go down as one of the greatest series in the history of television and it will take time before something could at least match the brilliance of the story. It’s very intricate and very well thought of—the dynamics of the characters, the mythology, the mysteries, the questions, and the answers. LOST is like a big puzzle. You will be given pieces of events from different timeframes: from present to flashbacks, from flash-forwards to flash-sideways, and it’s very intellectually stimulating and thrilling to put them together to finally reveal the whole picture. But then again, it’s not the answers that make it very engaging. It’s the anticipation of them. Some answers will not be satisfying to everyone (especially to hardcore fans). Some are demystifying but just because the buildup of the enigmas and mythos was excellent. There are still partially-unsolved mysteries and questions left unanswered, but I think that’s okay as long as they aren’t detrimental to the core of the story. But like solving puzzles, it takes patience to finish this series. I am not surprised that some people give up watching (or not at all) because it serves tons of mind-boggling questions and answers come in trickles, not to mention the non-linear course of events (like Memento but way more complicated). A magazine even called it The Worst Series Ever. I guess it takes an open mind to appreciate it. I mean it’s hard to love what you already hate. As for me, I started to love it the moment that polar appeared in the middle of that tropical jungle.

I’m definitely watching this again!

AI S9 Finale: Lee Wins Idol

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! Crystal should’ve been the winner—that is if the whole thing’s based solely on the Top 2 performances. But it’s not.

Lee’s performances were dry and it felt like he wasn’t pushing himself into them. Unlike Crystal, you could actually feel her pushing her vocals, like she wanted it more. And I liked her song choices especially Up The Mountain by Patty Griffin. It amplified her singer-songwriter vibe. But unfortunately for her, she lacks a little bit of charisma. I think her being a mom is one factor. I don’t mean it as a bad thing but it chops a significant chunk of votes from the male population. Lee on the other hand, is single and I’m sure a lot girls voted for him. Another crucial factor here was that Crystal started the competition great and ended up on the finale great; meanwhile, Lee had shown the greatest improvement and had shown exponential growth. He started a little shy and confused as an artist but fought his way into the finals. People like to be surprised and yeah, the dark horses. But let’s be reminded that less than 2% of votes separated them so it’s a close call. We can’t be sure of the exact numbers because in case you didn’t notice, the representative didn’t tell. I find it very strange. Low votes came in, perhaps? I couldn’t shake-off the feeling that it’s the weakest Idol season ever. And now that’s Simon’s gone, I wonder what the next season of Idol will be like without him. The producers should reinvent the show, that’s the only way for them to keep the show alive with such drastic changes.

It was a sad finale and very emotional. I can’t imagine Idol without Simon and I don’t think replacing him with a Simon-wannabe will work. Anyway, I liked the performance with all the Idol winners (minus David Cook) and contestants. I guess they really wanted to make a big despedida for Simon. I love Christina Aguilera’s performance—very powerful. At first I actually thought she was Lady Gaga because of the floating glowing balls. Hehe. I really liked the Crystal-Alanis duet—great musical chemistry. It’s not surprising since they’re the same kind of artist. Bravo.

Okay, got to watch LOST finale again. Ciao!

AI S9: Top3 [Idol Shocker!...or Not]

LOOK AT THAT! Lee and Crystal in the Finale! Why am I not surprised? Haha!

Who will be the next American Idol? I still think it’s going to be the paint salesman. Based on the performances last Wednesay, Lee really out sang Casey and his toughest contender, Crystal, especially with his rendition of Lenard Cohen’s song Hallelujah. It’s a bit overdone with the choir and the booming accompaniment, but still great. I'll be really surprised if Crystal wins this thing.

Go, Lee!