You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...

-Walt Whitman


george bernard shaw once wrote...

"There are two tragedies in life:
One is to lose your heart's desire.
The other is to gain it."

Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire, it's all you can hope for. This year I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart, long, afraid to feel. My wish was granted. If having that is tragic, then give me tragedy.
-- Peyton Sawyer


This new year, I hope for a courageous heart; a heart that can master all fears; a heart that beats with faith despite of all of the confusion and indecision where it has long been immersed. I hope for a heart that will persevere in search for answers, for freedom, for love. I have lost my heart's desire. It's time to get it back.


the one one with the beard, guitar, and a beautiful voice

TIRED OF POPULAR MAINSTREAM MUSIC? Well I suggest you go underground...

Imagine this: There are thousands of musically talented artists all over the world and millions of beautiful songs. But when I turn on the TV or the radio, it sounds like I’m hearing the same things over and over again. Well, as an audiophile, it’s almost unbearable that’s why I try my best to search for fresh music from underground artists.
Most people are not aware that such artists exist and the beautiful music they make. When people ask me who my favourite artists are and I’d say Jose Gonzales, Jack Savoretti, or Carla Bruni, they usually end up asking: Who the hell are they?! I know people have different ears for music but I think the media plays a great role in influencing the people of what music they would listen to.

What’s your favourite type of music? I noticed that my answer to this question changes as time went by. I loved pop music (mostly ballads) as I was into boy bands before. Then my ear gears shifted and I developed a liking for alternative, then post-rock to ambien, and then finally, folk. I am really not particular with the genre (or the lyrics!) as long as they’re not loud. I like them unplugged or stripped but most of all, played sincerely from the heart (Fake artists are everywhere!). And this type of music is very rare to find lately. And pure coincidence or manual searches are the only keys to find them.

My latest find is William Fitzsimmons, a folk musician. No crazy costumes, no gimmicks. Just with his guitar, overgrown beard, and pure unadulterated voice coming from his heart to his mouth.


15 happy thoughts

Marry on a hilltop
I’ve always imagined it happening on a hilltop just before sunrise.

Ride the Titanic
And scream “I am the king of the world!”

Visit the Louvre
I’m a sucker for artworks and yet I have never been to any art museums.

Write a novel
It would be nice to write a story and move someone.

Travel back in time
I know I ca
n’t change the past. I guess I just want to remember something. Make sure I won’t miss a thing.

Ride a bike
…in the Tuscan countryside. Being in that place is like living inside a dream. I need to learn to ride the bike first, of course, since I have the worst balancing skills in the world.

Be a photographer
A picture is a moment frozen in time. It’s like you have a power to stop time for a moment and let people see that moment through your eyes.

Draw a graffiti
…on Tree Hill Rivercourt. And play some hoops with Hales.

Study at a wizarding school
What’s cooler than riding a broomstick while playing Quidditch? Plus you get to hex people who think you’re a dork.

Watch a Josh Groban Concert
He’s probably the one who inspired me to stretch my musical vocal cords and sing in the shower.

Hoist the Wimbledon Cup
I wonder what it’s like—kicking Roger Federer’s ass.

Listen to tons of music without falling totally asleep
Have you ever experienced laying half awake and half asleep just before the dawn breaks and your head is floating in a colorful abyss of mellow music? Well, you should.

Paint a masterpiece
It’s been a while since the last time my hands held a paintbrush. I guess when you stop using what has been given, it just leaves you.

Have children (I KNOW!)
And they will be called Lucas and Haley (Of course, I'd still need to consider my wife’s wishes —you know? The one I will marry on that hilltop?)

Hang out on the coffin rock again
I remember sitting on it with my bestfriend years ago. And it’s one of those rare moments of clarity wherein you do
n’t need to think and yet your head is teeming with thoughts. I remember that moment—reclining underneath a green ceiling of leaves permeated by sunlight and the lullaby of rush of water underneath you. And yeah. That’s where I got the name of this blog.

Think happy, guys!


kahlil gibran once wrote...

"Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone is a force confining. And passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction..."


it's here... finally

THE 72ND VOLLEYBALL SEASON of UAAP is finally here. Lots of volleyball action to occupy my lazy afternoons. Woohoo! I’m really rooting for the Ateneo Lady Eagles but I don’t think they could make it to the Finals this season especially now that the defending champions, The De La Salle Lady Spikers are back. Have you watched the Main Game yesterday? UST VS DLSU? Oh man! It was a nail biter. La Salle won it 5 sets. I wouldn’t be surprised if the ladies in green would win a back-to-back championship.

Cute girls digging and spiking balls? Whew. It can’t get any better than this! However, I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off of one player. She has a great resemblance to that gymnast who won in the Olympics (I forgot her name. Hehe!) The winner of the Dancing with the Stars?

Stephanie Mercado, De La Salle Lady Spikers

Catch the live game telecast of UAAP Women’s Volleyball on Studio 23. 2-6 PM usually on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Sundays.

5.12.09 theory

OTHING STRIVES INSIDE A BROKEN HEART. When the heart gets broken, it turns into a void, a black hole in your chest sucking everything in and eventually spitting it all out. It’s like filling a cracking glass of water. No matter how you try to fill it, water will just keep leaking out. At the end of the day, you’re still empty and hollow and thirsty for something that you think would satiate the need for happiness.

Emptiness compels people to immediately start the search for such things. They could be anything. And when they do find them, they instantly start stuffing themselves, forcing everything in, even those that their hearts don’t really need. Empty people are impatient people. They are so distracted by the pain. They can’t wait to get rid of it. Their minds are stuck on thinking how to purge the heart of such torment, conveniently forgetting the fact that anything kept inside a heart should not be forced—like love. You have to own the right heart to nurture such sublime entity. I can’t imagine offering my heart to someone, all torn and hideous. Can you?

When a heart gets broken, repairs should be made first. Bleeders should be cauterized. Patches should be placed to cover the holes. Cuts should be stitched closed. And then one should let it heal. The healing part takes time but it varies among people because every heart is unique and wounds vary in severity depending on the degree of damage, depth, and hurts one had taken hold. And there are a gazillion ways to break a heart but ironically, only a few to fix it (open heart surgeries excluded).

The healing process is very tricky. Let’s take broken relationships, for example. When one says he had already moved on, there’s a great probability that it’s actually the opposite. The moment one thinks that his feet stands on the grounds of acceptance, that is when he usually finds himself chewing on the first seeds of grief—denial.
The damaged heart deals with a lot of questions, focusing mainly on the experience of pain. Some say the pain doesn’t really go away. You just learn how to live with it eventually. But a healing heart juggles more complex questions. Fear, doubt, frustrations, and phantom hurts swarm the heart forcing it to shut down—a coping mechanism. The heart is strong but it is also as fragile as it is vital.

When can one say his heart is completely healed? There are no infallible ways to know for sure just like discerning the exact point in time when a heart starts to love. In the end it’s still a risk, a gamble. But with a heart intact, filled with the right things, and a love true and inspiring, it’s definitely a risk worth taking.

. . .
This draft is already growing cobwebs so I decided to finally post it. I’m no love doctor so I don’t think it’s wise to trust everything I just said. I do not have right to write a post like this actually given the state of my social life. Just cheesy theories I wanted to share.


twenty three

AND THEN MY BIRTHDAY CAME, with a blast. I was so caught by surprise I almost lost my head. I never expected that a family affair party could go really crazy. For a moment there, it felt like being young again with all those gallons of ice cream and cakes (Thank God there’s no longer a freaking Winnie the Pooh on it!), but no. I am now 23 and it’s curious to think that I have already almost spent half of my life, given that the average lifespan of a common Filipino man dropped down to 50 years old. It makes me wonder how the other half of my life will turn out.

One highlight of the party involved a candle-blowing ceremony with people singing Happy Birthday in chorus (I could feel my face blushing red till the last line of the song). After that, they ‘forced’ me to give a speech. It was really embarrassing. This never happened in my previous birthdays. But it was really nice to hear your family’s and friend’s wishes for you (That I go find myself a girlfriend being the common denominator, well, except for my mother of course! Hehe!). I was really trying to control what I feel because they I know and they know I have a thing for public display of emotion. I am a cryer. :P

Other things I like my birthday this year:

1. 1..I received cash. Hehe :P

2. 2. Lots of spaghetti (Even though my diet which going smoothly for two weeks was completely destroyed).

3. 3. I got to celebrate it with my family.

4. 4. I was reconnected with my friends. I never expected anyone to greet me a Happy Birthday ever since I became socially dormant for ages. Some may have forgotten but the important thing is that my closest friends still know that I exist, for another year at least.

5. 5. Glad texted. Enough said :P

No emo posts for now. Happy comes rarely for me. Hehe!