when the stars go blue

WHEN YOU LISTEN TO A SONG and it stirs up a memory - a fleeting image at first, and then slowly, like gathering dust, takes on a perceivable form, almost solid really. And then it builds up from within your consciousness then down to your chest, swelling up compressing your heart pushing the walls of your lungs.

 And then you exhale, left in wonder, of the feeling you just felt, beautiful and abstract, that now has become just a part of everything else sucked in time. Yes. That is how I would describe nostalgia.

tree hill superheroes

Behold! The Kick Ass-inspired superheroes of Tree Hill have come to protect innocent people from bullies and evil stuck-up bitches!

Alias: B-DAZZLE

Real Identity: Brooke Davis-Baker, Fashion Designer and Housewife

Supersowers: Well known for her home-made liquid smoke...and she owns a French-speaking fighting car.

Alias: SHUTTERBUG

Real Identity: Quinn Scott, Photographer

Superpowers: She blinds villains with the flash of her camera and collects their photos as trophies. Don't mess with her.

Alias: BABY MAMA (She hates it. Prefers MasterMind)

Real Identity: Haley James-Scott, Housewife, Musician, and Record Label Manager.

Superpowers: Super smart and knows everything- a power that she acquired from an asteroid that fell from the sky (well, that's just according to B-Dazzle). She uses her unborn child as a shield.

This is what happens when you're watching too much Kick Ass and you're bored out of your skull. Very fun episode this week :P

dante once wrote...

"Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise. Like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. A belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision to ignore, simply rise above the pain of the past. A covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. A celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger than one, like a team braced against the tempest civil world. And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality; only an announcement to the world of feelings long held. Promises made long ago in the sacred spaces of our hearts..."

jamie's best man speech

Brooke is finally married to Julian and while I was watching the episode, my fingers were crossed that out of nowhere, Lucas and Peyton would show up. But they didn't. It was a very emotional installment and the moment Jamie gave his best man speech threw me back to days when One Tree Hill could easily tug on my heartstrings. Haley got it right. It was the most honest and memorable best man speech I've ever heard...

J.K. Rowling once wrote: "The consequences of our actions are so complicated, so diverse that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed".

J.K. Rowling was right. But what most of you don't know is Julian was able to do it. He knew a long time ago that he would find Brooke. When Julian was my age, which was a very, very, very,very long time ago,he went to a county fair, and he met a girl...not Brooke. But they went on a bunch of rides together, including the Octopus--irrelevant to the story. But that night, Julian felt a crush for the first time, a real crush. Relax, Aunt Brooke. He was my age. So at the end of the night, they decided to break this bumper-car token in half. Julian has kept his half all these years, not because he missed the girl, but because he knew somewhere out there was the other half, his perfect match.And he was right. Today Julian married my Aunt Brooke. She's probably the coolest girl I know and the girl Julian's been waiting for since he broke this bumper-car token in half a long time ago at a county fair. And today Julian gave me this token. He said he didn't need it anymore because he found his other half. Congratulations, Julian. I think it was worth the wait...

clear eyes. full hearts. can't lose.

"We will all at some time in our lives, fall. Life is so very fragile, we are all vulnerable, and we will all at some point in our lives, fall, we will all fall. We must carry this in our hearts, that what we have is special, that it can be taken from us, and that when it is taken from us, we will be tested. We will be tested to our very souls."

-Eric Taylor

Friday Night Lights is an American TV series, developed from the book of the same name authored by H.G. Bissinger, which tells the detailed events surrounding the Dillon Panthers, a high school football team based on Dillon Texas, and addresses the issues facing contemporary Middle America.

I've only watched a couple of episodes from the first season and I knew I would love it for a very, very long time. I remembered watching One Tree Hill for the first time, and yesterday, while watching the pilot of Friday Night Lights, I was brought back to that same place 5 years ago. It was quite nostalgic, really. In some ways, there a lot of similarities between the two, but the treatment of the material is quite different. FNL flows with this brooding, almost melancholic mood. And you could tell the story is weaved to satisfy in an emotional level.

There are three things that make a television series click. First, it should be founded on a unique. well-written storyline (It could be a little twisted but nonetheless outstanding). Second- There should be a diversified but clearly distinct characters (To whom the target audience can relate to). And finally, a good soundtrack and musical scoring. And FNL satisfied all these criteria, especially the third one. The series is filled with haunting music from Explosions in the Sky, an instrumental post-rock band that gained popularity through their cinematic and elaborately developed guitar work, narratively styled instrumentals, what they refer to as "cathartic mini-symphonies." I am also quite particular with the camera shots, and I'm digging the shaky camera! Needless to say, I highly recommend this series.

I think I should be going now. Live UAAP Women's Volleyball is up in minutes! Just always remember guys:

Clear eyes.

Full Hearts.

Can't Lose.

your love is a song

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

I hear you breathing in

Another day begins

The stars are falling out

My dreams are fading now, fading out

I've been keeping my eyes wide open

I've been keeping my eyes wide open

Your love is a symphony

All around me

Running through me

Your love is a melody

Underneath me

Running to me

Your love is a song

The dawn is fire bright

Against the city lights

The clouds are glowing now

The moon is blacking out

I've been keeping my mind wide open

I've been keeping my mind wide open

Your love is a song

With my eyes wide open

I've got my eyes wide open

I've been keeping my hopes unbroken.

Title: Your Love Is A Song
Artist: Switchfoot
Album: Hello Hurricane

---
First heard this song from the 7th Season of One Tree Hill. Now that Hilarie Burton and Chad Michael Murray are no longer part of the show, the soundtrack plays a major part in keeping the whole thing afloat in my opinion-- and that includes the alternative music of Switchfoot. I love them. Need I say more?

when you find me

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Something is said

It sits in my head

It's been there too long,

It's killing me slow

It's rolling around,

It's pushing me down

It's keeping the good part of me closed



My only weakness is knowing your secrets

And holding them close, and hold them tight

I know the way to silently make you smile with my eyes,

When you're trying to fight



Can't you see that when I find you, I'll find me?

I need you to know today--

I'll wait for you always.

Title: When You Find Me
Artist: Joshua Radin
Album: Adam Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

---
First heard this song from the movie Adam. It's a fantastic movie by the way. It's about this guy named Adam and he has this disorder that made him difficult to interact with people. And then he fell in love. This song was perfect for the movie. I like Johua Radin's music. Makes me love folk even more. Thanks OTH for introducing new and great artists!

george bernard shaw once wrote...

"There are two tragedies in life:

One is to lose your heart's desire.

The other is to gain it."

Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire, it's all you can hope for. This year I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart, long, afraid to feel. My wish was granted. If having that is tragic, then give me tragedy.

-- Peyton Sawyer

---

This new year, I hope for a courageous heart; a heart that can master all fears; a heart that beats with faith despite of all of the confusion and indecision where it has long been immersed. I hope for a heart that will persevere in search for answers, for freedom, for love. I have lost my heart's desire. It's time to get it back.

kahlil gibran once wrote...

"Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone is a force confining. And passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction..."

if you exist in this lifetime, then this is for you

Peyton,


I have taken the most dangerous step and it was worth every risk for it had led me to the lost piece to finally decode the never-ending riddle in my head. You are the comet that I once saw and now that you have found a way to light up my sky again, this time, I will never let go. Everything had fallen into place and I could no longer ask for more. I will no longer move for there is no better place; for the broken road had finally ended with you.

Shine your light to the heavens; paint it with stars from the palette of your hands. You are the artist and I am your art. With your brush strokes, I was brought to life in vibrant swirls and dynamic hues. I was alive. Not blank nor empty. I am filled, mouth brimming with love and colors your heart created and mine beat for, plunging my system into an overload; an intoxicating bliss that I wish not to end like an ever sweet reverie.

You make me exist and I love you.

Thank you for giving me a piece of your heart.


Without wax,

Lucas

the comet

THE LITTLE BOY SAW A COMET…and suddenly his life was whole.

when a night deepens, the boy would lie on an open field, his skin naked and cold against the blades of green grass, dancing with the soft gush of wind. he liked the way how he’s drenched in pitch black darkness and yet showered by every light the came from the stars and the moon high above him. the darkness emphasized every light like how the silence amplified every sound made by crickets and flowing water from a cascading river nearby.

as he laid there under the heavens, the sky seemed to draw closer to him. he would raise his hands and extend his arms to the air pretending to hold the stars, catch shooting stars, and play with the full moon. he would pinpoint to every star like how he points to letters of the alphabet he knew so well. he named each one his dark brown eyes could see and sometimes, he would make imaginary lines to connect them. he remembered the ‘connect-the-dots’ assignment her teacher gave him. he didn’t know he’s making his own version of the constellations. he had no idea that he was making his own version of the universe. he was full of hope and his mind was teeming with imaginative thoughts that he believed that he could change the world…

one night, he decided to lie on their house’s roof instead. he thought it made him closer to the heavens he had been dreaming to reach. he couldn’t explain how he felt every time he lays himself down and admire the expanse of space above him. you could say he’s happy by the width of his smile and his eyes sprinkled with stars. a moment hovered and it appeared. the most amazing heavenly body he had ever seen. the air seemed to leave his lungs as he slowly started to stand up, taking every moment in.

he didn’t know it was called a comet. years later, he would learn that it’s just a large piece of rock and ice, lost in space and burning against sunlight. but for now, it’s something greater than a piece of rock. he savored its every detail. it was like someone had turned on a flashlight high above the sky. it somehow looked like a light coming from a lighthouse, fixed at only one direction. he remembered her teacher talking about lighthouses that help those boats lost at sea to find their way to safe shores. to a safe haven. he wondered if someone is lost at sea that night. he wondered how many people were looking at the comet at the same time as he is. the thought excited him.

he stretched his arm once again and pointed at the patch of sky where the comet hovered. he traced its length starting from the head down to the tail. he then closed his eyes, and with the majestic image seared in his mind, he moved his fingers to feel it. the little boy tried to feel the comet that flew thousands miles from him... and he did feel it. he opened his eyes and lingered on the moment. he was being filled with hope and dreams and love. in that instant, his path was clear before him; the path towards the person he wanted to be. he jumped for joy that made banging sounds against the tin roof. for the first time, he knew he could reach the stars… that he was on the moon.

fifteen years had passed. he was still in the dark gazing at the darkness hovering above him. but there were no stars anymore. no moon. no comets. he didn’t even dare to stretch an arm nor reach. there’s nothing except for a darkened ceiling and cold walls pressing in on him, eager to leave him breathless. there were no stars reflected on his eyes, just salty tears he was trying to hold back but to no avail. as a tear fell and left a track on his face he remembered the comet and the track it had left against the sky that night, when his dreams were revealed to him. he remembered the tracks it had left in his life and how it gave him so much hope. he realized that they were now broken. swallowed by darkness, killed by misery, buried by regrets. he had lost all the hope. the dream. the love. he is lost. he is lost at sea with nothing to guide him in the dark. nothing to save him in the storm. he needed a solid ground. if he could only see a light from a lighthouse to lead him towards his safe haven. if he could only see the comet just one more time and find his way back…

he laid there drenched in darkness and absolute silence. waiting...

the little boy saw a comet…and suddenly his life was whole. and when the comet went away, he waited all his life for it to come back.

. . .

finding one’s purpose is an achievement of a lifetime. it’s a journey that one usually takes to find true happiness in this world of misery. a purpose makes up a fulfilled life. it’s a beacon towards something great; towards that something that could fill that empty void that lingers in one’s heart, which brings hope and happiness almost near to a happily-ever-after. but where to find it? it could be anywhere. we just have to look in the right places. some say, one could find it in the love of his life. and i believe them. i saw a comet once and to see one again would be truly the greatest miracle on earth…

"the boy saw a comet & suddenly his life had meaning. and when it went away he waited his entire life for it to come back to him. it was more than just a comet because of what it brought into his life. direction, beauty, meaning. there were many who couldn't understand, & sometimes he walked among them, but even in his darkest hours he knew in his heart that someday it would return to him & his world would be whole again, & his belief in god, & love, & art would be reawakened in his heart…"

– lucas scott, one tree hill

* the comet, original artwork created using pen and ink, dated 24 october, 2008.

the secret place

IT WAS MIDNIGHT and lucas was excited. he knew he was, because he couldn’t sleep, but stared blankly on the dark ceiling of his room instead, as he lay there on his four-poster bed, smiling. he felt stupid but he didn’t care. tonight, he would be the happiest boy on earth again…

he didn’t waste time. he got out of bed and put on his slippers. he didn’t bother to change his pajamas. there was no time to waste. she could be there, already waiting for him. he took the gasera and lit it with his trembling hands. he must be crazy for feeling nervous and excited at the same time. the warm glow of yellow light was welcoming, comforting against the darkness. this light will guide me to you…

he left the kubo and went to his destination, to their meeting place. he knew the path very well like how he remembered every inch of her face. it was not so long ago when he and lily discovered the place somewhere in the forest. as he walked on, he could feel the excitement tickle his insides. he could imagine his stupid smile illuminated by the lamp he held on his right hand. his left hand however was filled with freshly picked gumamela from his mother’s garden. he imagined her smile. the thought made him laugh and brought spring to his gait. he was nearly there. he could tell by the fireflies along the path… these lights will guide me to you…

he arrived at last. he walked straight to the acacia tree in the middle of the clearing. she hadn’t arrived yet. he decided to sit down under the tree. she would be here any minute now. he would be the happiest boy on earth again. how could he not be? he’s in love. he was just 10 but he knew in his heart that he is. no reason could explain it. he just knew. and tonight he would tell her the reason why he gives her a bouquet of flowers every time they meet there… at their meeting place… at their secret place…

lily and lucas were best friends ever since they gained awareness of the world. they did almost everything together, got into the same trouble together, and played every game together. their favorite game however was hide-and-seek. and tonight was perfect to play the game as he looked up to the cloudless night sky, spattered with stars and a full moon smiling down at him…

suddenly, he saw it. an orange glow from a distance. the light grew brighter and nearer. as she walked towards him, lucas’s world flashed before his eyes. she was her world. she was his future. he knew this as he felt the calm he was in. the galloping heartbeat was gone replaced by slow beating of hearts. he didn’t know what he was doing. he just stood up and walked towards her. she was so beautiful. her beauty was magnified by the light she was holding and the dark surroundings dotted with dancing fireflies. they were now face to face. he looked down at her with eyes of longing and innocence. he could clearly see the shy smile reflecting his own as he gave her the flowers… he was on the moon if not in heaven…

laughter broke the humming silence of the night. at that moment, lucas knew he was the happiest person on earth. he couldn’t ask for more. just being there with her as they walk across the clearing, towards the tree, his hand and soul intertwined with hers, gumamela petals in the air and lights swing back and forth in their hands…

they reached the tree at last and he positioned himself against the trunk, eyes closed, hands covering his eyes. he was laughing as he chanted the lines he could say forever as long as he’s there with her, within the refuge of their hiding place…

tagu-taguan maliwanag ang buwan.

pagkabilang kong tatlo nakatago na kayo.

isa… he could hear her laughing as she tried to hide. he was glad she’s happy.

dalawa… he would tell lily his feelings when he finds her…

tatlo… what would she say?

he turned around and let his eyes adjust to the scarce sources of light. he was so excited to find her. he was so excited to tell her. he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face when he started to search, carrying a lamp with him, casting long shadows of trees. he imagined her long wavy hair and jet black eyes somewhere behind the trees… come out, come out wherever you are…

an hour past. but he couldn’t find her. it appeared to lucas that lily was taking this game seriously. two hours passed. No lily. he was getting frustrated. sweat was salty on his skin. he was now having doubts. the smile flew away from his mouth, replaced by heavy breathing and tachycardia. another hour passed. he was losing hope and was getting anxious. for the first time in his life he felt scared. and morbid thoughts poisoned his mind like demons. ano na nangyari sa’yo? nasaan ka na? mahal kita… the dawn was coming. the first light of the sun painted the black sky with a violet hue. the air was filled with lily’s name. labas na, lily! panalo ka na! suko na ako! panic overcame him. he couldn’t find her. he was afraid. the shadows cast by the lamp he was holding became terrifying and the glow of fireflies appeared as nothing but mockery. he went back to the tree where came from. and as he sat on its roots, it hit him. she was gone. and using the last ounce of strength he could muster he bellowed to the winds the feelings he should’ve said when she was still there by his side… hoping the wind could find and whisper her his love…

it’s midnight again and still he couldn’t sleep. he got out of bed, lit the gasera, picked some gumamela, and strolled towards the place he knew so well. it’s been 10 years since lily left but still he never failed to come by the place. it was his hiding place. it was where he built his dreams with lily. their secret place. he finally arrived. nothing had changed except for piles of dead flowers that littered the ground and their names on the tree’s bark he carved 10 years ago. but tonight was somehow different…

before his eyes was a lady. he walked slowly towards the tree and touched the bark where he once hid his face, eyes closed.

boom. taya ka na, lily.

lily walked towards him and looked at him with eyes as black as the sky, tears flowing like diamonds against the light. she wrapped her arms around him, tight, like she wouldn’t let go. calm was upon him again with slow beating of his heart. he wanted to open his mouth to speak. His lips trembled. he wanted to tell her the words that should’ve been said years ago. his hand slackened as flowers fell to the ground just like the tears now on his eyes flowing down his cheeks..

the tears blurred his vision but he could still see the fireflies still mocking him.

pikit na, lily. ako naman, ang magtatago...


. . .

"And Hansel said to Gretel, 'Let us drop these breadcrumbs... so that together we find our way home. Because losing our way would be the most cruel of things.'"

the dream

YOU ARE A DREAM. how did i know? i know because every time i touch you i couldn’t feel a thing. that white skin sure looks so soft. how unfortunate i couldn’t feel it. you are a dream because everytime my lips touch that curve on your neck, i couldn’t feel any sensation. everytime i lean on your breasts, i couldn’t hear a heartbeat. but you’re not dead because i could hear your slow breathing. because i hear your soft voice. because i feel your presence. but not you.

perhaps you’re a ghost? that’s not likely either. you’re not a ghost because you’re beautiful and ghosts are scary. i am afraid of ghosts but i am not afraid of you. i am drawn to you, actually. well, if you’re a beautiful ghost, could you haunt me forever? but you’re not a ghost. ghosts glide and you walk with your feet touching the ground. you just walk so slow. and that’s one thing i like about you. when i walk with you in such slow pace, the world seems to slow down too. i see everything. every blink, every step. i feel everything thing, your presence, but not you.

if you’re not dead, and you’re not a ghost then what are you? perhaps you’re an angel. but i thought angels have wings and have that circular thing hovering on their heads. angel or not, but being here with you…i am definitely in heaven right now. i could kiss those lips a thousand times. i mean what kind of being own that kind of lips? they’re so perfect. if i could only kiss and actually feel them. but i can’t. i can’t do anything but just look, bite my own lips instead… and sigh.

so what are you? who are you? you are dream. that’s the only explanation. you’re here in the sense that i can feel you’re presence, but in reality you’re just so far from me. you’re a dream because i am unbelievably happy. crazy happy. like i-could-die-right-now happy. and in the real world no such thing exists. no such feeling could survive in a world full of misery, and of hopelessness, and hate. true love is a hoax, the same goes with true happiness. people only pretend to be in love. people pretend to be happy but in the back of their heads, the same question troubles their soul. they’re not happy. i feel happy and make you make me happy. but happiness doesn’t exist in my world that’s why you’re a dream. you are dream and this is your world. this place is much better than anywhere else. i don’t want to wake up anymore… don’t pinch me okay? i want to stay here.

i love your world. because here, i am able to love and be loved back in return. you love me, right? i want to live here with you. i don’t want to go back because here, i have someone to write me poems, love letters, and someone who sings me cheesy love songs. who watches me sleep and who hugs me from the back. someone who laughs at my corny jokes and cooks me my favorite spaghetti for dinner. who waits for me when i work late, and doesn’t sleep till i get home. who writes me books and give them as presents for my birthday. who whispers my name in the winds and prays that i would be always safe. no one in the real world does these things to me. i want to live in your world because you live in it. i want this world to be my world too.

you’re not a ghost. you’re not dead either. you’re just not real. and in spite of the i-could-die-right-now happiness, i feel terribly sad because any moment now i’ll wake up from all of this. i will wake up on my bed hugging my pillow pretending it’s you. i’ll wake up with a heavy heart and the sun will lick my face and my bug-infested bed will stop me from moving a muscle.

you’re a dream. that’s why i can’t be with you as much as i want to. as much as i wanted to be in wonderland, i couldn’t beat the fact that i have to live in this freaking reality. this is my world not yours. and as much as you want to live here, you just can’t. fantasies do not survive here. sad but soon i will wake up. and as i close my eyes from your dream, i’ll open my eyes to my nightmare. i’ll open my eyes as i lie in my bed, nothing to do but hug my pillow, close my eyes so hard, whisper your one-syllable name, in the hope that i’ll dream of you again…

...

"Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real, when you woke up you didn't know what to believe? What would you do if what you thought was true wasn't? And what you thought wasn't true was? Would you retreat into your dreams with the hope of finding a more perfect reality? Sometimes life is stranger than a dream. And the only way to wake up is to face what lies hidden in your soul. And you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection, that you are not alone..."

--Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill