You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


23.9.08

the dream


YOU ARE A DREAM. how did i know? i know because every time i touch you i couldn’t feel a thing. that white skin sure looks so soft. how unfortunate i couldn’t feel it. you are a dream because everytime my lips touch that curve on your neck, i couldn’t feel any sensation. everytime i lean on your breasts, i couldn’t hear a heartbeat. but you’re not dead because i could hear your slow breathing. because i hear your soft voice. because i feel your presence. but not you.

perhaps you’re a ghost? that’s not likely either. you’re not a ghost because you’re beautiful and ghosts are scary. i am afraid of ghosts but i am not afraid of you. i am drawn to you, actually. well, if you’re a beautiful ghost, could you haunt me forever? but you’re not a ghost. ghosts glide and you walk with your feet touching the ground. you just walk so slow. and that’s one thing i like about you. when i walk with you in such slow pace, the world seems to slow down too. i see everything. every blink, every step. i feel everything thing, your presence, but not you.

if you’re not dead, and you’re not a ghost then what are you? perhaps you’re an angel. but i thought angels have wings and have that circular thing hovering on their heads. angel or not, but being here with you…i am definitely in heaven right now. i could kiss those lips a thousand times. i mean what kind of being own that kind of lips? they’re so perfect. if i could only kiss and actually feel them. but i can’t. i can’t do anything but just look, bite my own lips instead… and sigh.

so what are you? who are you? you are dream. that’s the only explanation. you’re here in the sense that i can feel you’re presence, but in reality you’re just so far from me. you’re a dream because i am unbelievably happy. crazy happy. like i-could-die-right-now happy. and in the real world no such thing exists. no such feeling could survive in a world full of misery, and of hopelessness, and hate. true love is a hoax, the same goes with true happiness. people only pretend to be in love. people pretend to be happy but in the back of their heads, the same question troubles their soul. they’re not happy. i feel happy and make you make me happy. but happiness doesn’t exist in my world that’s why you’re a dream. you are dream and this is your world. this place is much better than anywhere else. i don’t want to wake up anymore… don’t pinch me okay? i want to stay here.

i love your world. because here, i am able to love and be loved back in return. you love me, right? i want to live here with you. i don’t want to go back because here, i have someone to write me poems, love letters, and someone who sings me cheesy love songs. who watches me sleep and who hugs me from the back. someone who laughs at my corny jokes and cooks me my favorite spaghetti for dinner. who waits for me when i work late, and doesn’t sleep till i get home. who writes me books and give them as presents for my birthday. who whispers my name in the winds and prays that i would be always safe. no one in the real world does these things to me. i want to live in your world because you live in it. i want this world to be my world too.

you’re not a ghost. you’re not dead either. you’re just not real. and in spite of the i-could-die-right-now happiness, i feel terribly sad because any moment now i’ll wake up from all of this. i will wake up on my bed hugging my pillow pretending it’s you. i’ll wake up with a heavy heart and the sun will lick my face and my bug-infested bed will stop me from moving a muscle.

you’re a dream. that’s why i can’t be with you as much as i want to. as much as i wanted to be in wonderland, i couldn’t beat the fact that i have to live in this freaking reality. this is my world not yours. and as much as you want to live here, you just can’t. fantasies do not survive here. sad but soon i will wake up. and as i close my eyes from your dream, i’ll open my eyes to my nightmare. i’ll open my eyes as i lie in my bed, nothing to do but hug my pillow, close my eyes so hard, whisper your one-syllable name, in the hope that i’ll dream of you again…

...

"Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real, when you woke up you didn't know what to believe? What would you do if what you thought was true wasn't? And what you thought wasn't true was? Would you retreat into your dreams with the hope of finding a more perfect reality? Sometimes life is stranger than a dream. And the only way to wake up is to face what lies hidden in your soul. And you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection, that you are not alone..."

--Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill

51 comments:

Abou said...

some of my dreams are so real i cum

Lance said...

yes! makakacomment na rin ako.. hmmmp.. bakit bah nawala ang link na 'post a comment' sa post na ito kanina?

anyway, wala naman talaga akong masasabi.. hmmm.. besides that dream that i still can't forget until now..

i was second year High school...u know this stage, aight?
Well.. I was dreaming about this sexy lady, wearing a very Red dress, yung parang nagsasayaw ng ballroom, but she was pretty.. and she was dancing right in front of me.. it was so real. i felt my body moving along with her. i could even also hear her heavy breathing when she's close face to face..she was dancing wild in front of me and it felt so real and I really thought it was real, until... uugghhhh... yun na... wet dream lang pala.. hehehe

so now, i am not really into going to bars to watch stripping ladies on the dance floor. it would always make me remember that dream and I was dreading it. ang bata2 ko pa nun...heheheh

anyway, that's so gross...

yeah, it's good to be back.. i hope i could post something new and interesting.. i am looking forward for a 'not so busy' week(s) so i hope i would be able to catch up with my blog..

see yah around, mate...

the spool artist said...

if dreams can really compel someone like you to write in prose like this, then dream on and on!

wish you'll find the girl in your dreams soon!

KRIS JASPER said...

so what was it then? Maybe whatever it is... it's like me...

super sub-human perhaps?

salingPUSA said...

have you seen a ghost before mate? I think not all ghosts are scary. They could take the form of anything or anybody....which means they could also be beautiful....that is if you believe in them.

RONeiluke, RN said...

Abou: thanks for dropping by again :) that just means your subconscious in on overdrive... wheeww! isang beses pa lang nangyari yung ganun... cumming in dreams..hehehe!

Lance: you're right. that's so gross! hahaha! that means no dance floors and no ladies in red dresses for you. patay ka kay bebe! hahahaha!

sana naman makaluwag ka. nilalangaw na tong site mo. joke! hahaha!

till then, mate :)

peace out!

spool artist: ei, thanks for visiting again... my bestfriend was teasing me about the palanca award you mentioned on one of your comments before... :)

i'm glad you're not like KJ that plays when A is away! hahaha! (peace tayo Kris Jasper!) hahaha!

i visited your 'hey cambodia' site... and I WAS BLOWN AWAY... you've made me so fascinated with cambodia. i love the pics especially the Angkok Wat temples in sepia... really mysrifying...

kris jasper: hays… she’s nothing like you… you’re an alien! She’s just living in another freaking dimension, that’s all.

Saling pusa: thanks for commenting :) well, hindi pa ako nakakakita ng multo, and i don't even dream of seeing one. even the possibility that such entities exist scares me... whether they're beutiful or not. so have you seen one?

bunny beaugard said...

...it all makes sense now.

...i finally understood why you are so "depressed". maybe its not depression, on its real sense and meaning. maybe you are just drowned with memories,

-bittersweet ones.

...i'm sorry, i wasn't much help. its misery. the only person who can really bring you out there, is the same one who brought you in.

...i miss you! stop watching tree hill, it heightens your melancholy. hehe.

...i'm here, always.

..hales.

St. Charles(guest host) said...

The worst sa lahat ay magkaroon ng wet dream. LoL. Seriously, kailangan naing magising para maupad yong mga dreams natin.

RONeiluke, RN said...

hales: trust me... it's definitely not what you think it is... it's not about 'her'. i really need psychiatric help! hahaha!

you really helped me alleviate my "depression" lately... thanks to gossip girl and no thanks to "one tree hill..."

btw, this is fiction!!!

and what's with 'bunny beaugard'??? porn name to ni haley right? wow... really fits you! hahaha! ano nga ulit yung porn name ko??? hahaha!

thanks alot... :)

for making me sane...

i miss you and i love you forever! :)

dazedblu* said...

Hmm, the las ttiem I drop here is filled wit emo stuff, until now :(

speaking of dremas, kugn minsan yung iba nagiging toto.. i mean the exact dream, and not just a pill of wht i sense abt it.

anyways have tht smile in you :) it'll help, for sure XD

lusia said...

hi very nice post,thanks for the comment too.hi friends,walking my blog,do the same plz.tnx.
http://www.icineworld.blogspot.com/
http://www.onlinebusinesscourse.blogspot.com//
http://www.indianstamilmasalas.blogspot.com/

RONeiluke, RN said...

st. charles: i couldn't agree more. it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget how to live :)

dazedblu: hehe! xenxa naman... ang lamig kasi at medjo nagdepresdepresan ako! hahaha! pagbigyan mo nako please! hahaha! thanks for dropping by!

this is fiction! hays... T_T

RONeiluke, RN said...

lucia: thanks for dropping by :) cool name. are you familiar with lucia micarelli :) the violinist? love her!

Mugen said...

I dreamed of one person two nights in a row, napakanta tuloy ako ng Black Balloon ng wala sa oras.

:)

RONeiluke, RN said...

mugen: the person... in your dream... he must be really something in your life. somehow dreams manifests our subconscious. is he the guy you were talking to on the phone:) black baloon? hmmm...

St. Charles(guest host) said...

Intimate friend ako ni redlan. Biro lang. Tumulong lang ako pansamantala. Babalik naman siya. He visits here naman sa alam ko. Adik kaya yon sa pagbabasa ng mga blogs. Kaso all of the above ata siya sa na-enumerate ko sa blog niya. Napuna ko lang, galing mong mag sula. Pang nobela. Sige bukas ulit. Napahaba tuloy comment ko dito.
Ipagpatuloy mo yang magandang imahinasyon mo. Sana huwag mabahiran ng ano mang anik anik. Biro lang po.

RONeiluke, RN said...

st. charles: intimate friend? ikaw ba si armando?! i mean the real armando ng buhay niya!? hahaha! joking! but jokes are half meant! hahaha!

thanks for the compliment... suki ko nga yung si redlan. ang sipag nun magcomment...SOOOOOOOOBRANG haba! hehe!

ano namang anik anik? hmmm...

peace out!

alex said...

beautiful!

hayz i had lost of dreams i wished were true...

but sometimes reality's such a bitch it seems stranger

Myk2ts said...

ron, okey, ill post my comment soon. kakauwi ko lang from work eh, uhm yeah, new job :p medyo mahirap pero enjoy naman. kwento ko soon :) sa off ko siguro. ikaw? :) advanced happy new year! :P

Anonymous said...

hi ronie!tanx 4 always leavin a comment on my blog site!i miss u po!!yap everythings ok at the moment..wen i posted that song im not that fine,but yeah ryt now i do...promise!wah hindi ako nag apply s nmat..ndi kasi ako makakapagaral..i checked a sample of an nmat book to see wat how are the subjects given,wah!i was shocked.. i cant learn it all by myself..i need a review center for that.coz i already cant remember wat we have learned during our first year in college..hehe..wah!idol talaga kita pagdting sa mga writings!i always wanted to be like you!love u ronie!i miz u!!i miz hanging out wit u!!

.::. Vanny .:. said...

nice post! =)

i always have a dream that are so real. tc! =)

Chyng said...

mahusay RON!

these dreams may inspire or guide us dba? aminin, masarap mag-ilusyon paminsan.. ;)

dabo said...

parang rendition mo ito ng These Dreams nang banda na Heart...

honestly, if my haunch is correct, i do that sometimes..interpreting a song in a different medium..

REDLAN said...

magaling, magaling. Haha. Pinag-isahan nyo ko habang wala ah. ano namang intimate issue 'yan?! hahaha. hindi kami magkatalo @ Ron. TC Ron! Hayaan mo na si St. Charles. Slave ko yan ngayon. haha.

bunny beaugard said...

DAWSON'S FREAKS starring:

-Bunny Beaugard and Rocket Roe-


..hehe! yan yung porn name mu.=)i love you, too.Ü

Anonymous said...

feeling ko hindi ako maga-agree kay narrator. Hindi "dream" si "you" dun sa first sentence. Sa halip, narrator is "dreaming" of "you."

si "you" ay isang real life character na maputi, may perfect lips, hindi mabilis maglakad, marunong magluto ng spaghetti, nagsusulat ng loveletters, umaawit ng cheesy lovesongs...at pinapanaginip ni narrator.

kung dream si "you" dapat anomalous ang kanyang character...halimbawa...umiikot ng 360 degrees ang ulo niya, kumakain sya ng planeta, o di kaya'y nagmomorph and mukha niya every second. anomalous ang "dreams"...kaya sila "dreams."

no dream is real enough. kaya kung may taong gumising mula sa isang panaginip...tapos hindi na niya alam kung ano ang paniniwalaan...

pakainin nyo ang taong yun. Gutom lang sya...hindi na dumadating ang glucose sa utak nya.


-hex

dazedblu* said...

Sauce, ok lng yun noo.. kanya-kanyang trip yan diba? the hell i care naman noo XD

Basta, keep blogging and i'll be one of those avid readers XD

Keep cool Ron, and smile :)

REDLAN said...

uy update ka na. nagutom na mga mata ko sa mahaba mong post. hehehe.

RONeiluke, RN said...

Alex: thanks for commenting :) hays... we all dream. and we dream that all our good dreams would come true. well, reality is a bitch, isn't it? nothing hurts more than the truth. but still, it's the truth that could set us free... :)

Myk2ts: ahhh... so may bagong work ka? hindi na sa kelsener? :) sige kwento ka. ako? walang bago sakin... hehehe! napakamonotonous ng buhay ko ngayon hehehe! take care and advanced happy haloween! :)

Vanny: thanks for visiting  dream on!

Chyng: thanks :) masarap talagang magilusyon paminsan-minsan... hays... nakakamiss ma inlove! hahaha! best of wishes to you... :)

Dabo: wow... still deconstructing me? hahaha! i know heart but i'm not familiar with the song these dreams. alone lang yata alam kong kanta nun. pati baracuda! hehe...

that's a good idea. song interpreted using different medium :)

redlan: hahaha! oo nga eh... talagang alipin ang tawag! hahaha! Bukas pa ako maguupdate! Hehehe!

Dazedblu:
thanks for visiting again :) so avid reader pala kita. flattered naman ako T_T... im smiling, really... T_T

hales: ahahaha! I love it! Rocket roe! Very sexy… parang napapagiling ako ah! Hahaha! I miss you too. See you this weekend 

anonymous: hahahahaha! Didn’t I mention this is fiction? Now you know! Ahahaha! On the other hand, Tingin ko nga kelangan ko ng kumain at nauubusan nako ng glucose! Hehehe!

Caryl: wow… you dropped by  thanks. I always thought you were busy. Okay na rin siguro yun. Baka kasi sobrang stressed ka na kung pagsasabayin mo yung pagrereviw at pagtatrabaho… kaw may problema ka pala hindi mo sinasabi sakin. But anyway, im holding your word for it. Siguraduhin mong okay ka 

Trust me. You don’t want to be anything like me. Hehe!  hays… I miss hanging out with you too. May utang ka pa saking spaghetti at pizza! Hahaha! Joke. I miss you…

onatdonuts: "Tirador ng Kaning Lamig" said...

napakahusay naman...

totoo yang mga ganyan...mga panaginip na parang totoo na pagkagising mo malilito ka kung ano ba ang katotohanan? ;-)

nakakatuwa talaga an music mo...it sets the mood. ;-)

RONeiluke, RN said...

ahehe... it was something have discovered. mas in mood ako magsulat kung may music... kaya naghahanap ako ng music na somewhat tugma dun sa sinusulat ko... hehehe! kapag emo ang post, nangunguna si damien rice sa listahan ko... this is 9 crimes from his 'O' album... very tragic song :)

Ren said...

I once felt like that.. until the person I fell in love with bought me a plane ticket scheduled to leave the next week.. xD~

RONeiluke, RN said...

ren: wow... good for you... just that shows dreams do come true and probably more than what we expect :) added you on my roll... thanks for visiting back :)

JanZeE_tripper said...

galing naman magsulat..

simula ngayon araw araw na me dadalaw sa site mo

RONeiluke, RN said...

janzee: thanks for the compliment, mate :) i'll try my best para hindi masayang pagtambay mo dito... hehehe! peace out! :)

REDLAN said...

kasi naman pinag-isahan nyo ko kapag wala ako kaya pinapahinga ko muna siya. babalik rin yun paminsan minsan.
kala ko nanaginip ka pa hanggang ngayon.

aabangan ko nukas ang bago mong post. take your time.

RONeiluke, RN said...

redlan: ahahaha! hindi ka naman pinagkakaisahan ni st. charles eh! hahaha! ano ba kasi ang tunay na dahilan ang nagiging busy ka lately at talagang may guest host pa! parang game knb lang! hahaha!

ahehe... wow naman talagang inaabangan mo. no pressure. light lang ang post ko bukas. getting tired of emo posts. naulan pa. hays... :) thanks for taking time :)

Ely said...

Ung dream na lumilipad so far ang pinaka-naaalala ko. Sarap ng feeling.

Mahilig din ako mag-daydream. Lagi ako napapagalitan sa klase dati kase ang layo ng tingin ko tas biglang napapangiti. hehehe

blographics said...

ang saya ng panaginip dito. nung nasa college ako, may napapanaginipan akong girl, paulit ulit..iba iba ng anggulo. guest what, after 3 or 4 years may nai-date akong girl. habang nagkukwentuhan kami. naalala ko yong napanaginipan ko dahil yong mismong anggulo ng girl na nakasideview sa panaginip ko ay yon mismo ang itsura ng kadate ko. pati kulay ng damit at ayos ng buhok. 5 years na kami ngayon!


thx for the x-link pare, i'll add you too. i enjoy reading your stories. tnx

Myk2ts said...

ron: kelsenner pa ren, more of a "bank" na yung set-up. masyadong mahigpit. para kaming mga robot. hehe. monotonous? why? i think you live an extraordinary life... :P

happy three kings in advance!

dabo said...

hahaha most of us do that..kaya sometimes, well lately i don't believe in copyrights or patents.. knowledge is all singular..

it is not being copycat or a fake or imitation... we are experiencing something exclusive to us but common to everyone.. sometimes we call it inspiration.. i call it answers.. (i always believe all the answers are already been laid before us, thus all we have to do is asks the right questions)

besides..

"The good artist believes that nobody is good enough to give him advice. He has supreme vanity. No matter how much he admires the old writer, he wants to beat him.."

i think Umberto Eco said it universally than i could said it better.. i love to plagiarize him but not this time..some other time maybe

it seems we always try to be better than our fave singer or writer..even though we admired them like hell.. kaya when we try to interpret a song in a different medium we ought to give our best without regards to dead poets or artist.. because it automatically becomes our experience

--- --

and lastly, kaya ko akala na These Dreams ang inspiration mo..mahilig kasi ako sa mga hunted na kanta


Spare a little candle, save some light for me. Figures
Up ahead moving in the trees. White skin in linen,
Perfume on my wrist, and the full moon that hangs over
These dreams in the mist.

Darkness on the edge, Shadows where I stand
I search for the time on a watch with no hands,
I want to see you clearly, Come closer to this
come closer to this
But all I remember are the dreams in the mist


CHORUS
These dreams go on when I close my eyes. Every second
Of the night, I live another life. These dreams that
Sleep when it's cold outside, every moment I'm awake,
The further I'm away.

Is it cloak and dagger, could it be Spring or Fall?
I Walk without a cut through a stained-glass wall.
Weaker in my eyesight, a candle in my grip, and words
That have no form are falling from my lips.

CHORUS

BRIDGE
There's something out there I can't resist. I need to
Hide away from the pain. There's something out there
I can't resist.

The sweetest song is silence that I've ever heard.
Funny how your feet in dreams never touch the Earth.
In a wood full of princes, freedom is a kiss. But the
Prince hides his face from dreams in the mist.



(shet ang haba ng comment ko)

boying said...

parang ayaw ng magising ng nananaginip nito. hmmmmm.

RONeiluke, RN said...

Ely:
thanks for commenting... naalala ko yun! ikaw ba yan clark kent? hehe! sa smallville hindi xa nakakalipad, sa paniginip lang.

i daydream too... studies say daydreaming is innate or default ng pagiisip ng tao. nakakarelax daw? ewan i forgot! hahaha!

Dabo: thanks for commenting back at grabe, sobrang haba talaga. 2nd longest if im not mistaken. at wala akong masabi kasi parang nagdudugo pa rin ang utak ko. "Knowledge is singular?" ano daw? hehe!

i love songs na maganda sa pandinig. (sino bang hindi) pero kung lyrics ang paguusapan--Damien Rice. hehehe!

Myk2ts: thanks for dropping by. ahh... so 'bank' account. hays... hindi ako magaling sa mga money talks! hehehe! mahigpit ba? kaya mo yan! kaw pa! hehehe! monotonous kasi walang bagong nangyayari. natitigang ako... hahaha!

Blographics: thanks for dropping by :) wow talaga! gosh... ibig sabihin there's a possibility na magkatotoo ang panaginip ko! hahaha! napakaromantic naman ng love story niyo. she is the girl both of your dreams and your reality :)

really cool :)

bloody cool! :)

boying: thanks for dropping by :) gising na ko ngayon. peace out!

Anonymous said...

naku ronie!akala mo lang hindi ako nag da drob by s blogs mo!fan mo kaya ako..the problem is nung isang araw lang ako natuto kung pano magcomment dito...at isa pa asiwa ako dati dahil feeling ko bawal magtagalog dito...ahihi...joke!

ang husay husay mo talaga sa mga bagay na gusto mong gawin..i really admire u 4 dat!nako no!wag mo nga i down ang sarili mo!hindi mo alam meron mga taong gustong makuha ang pwesto mo.ur adorable and lovable o db?dapat alam mo yan!maniwala ka skin ok!!

uu nga e!my utang pa ko sau!hayaan mo ha!pag nakabawi2 ako tupadin ko na talaga un!promise ha!malapit na namn ang bday mo!parang kelan lang!ahihi..yap!ok lang po ako...tanx ha?yaan mo pag hinding hindi ko na kaya ikaw ang unang unang taong pupuntahan ko dahil alam ko u wil always understand...miz u ronie!!=))

RONeiluke, RN said...

caryl: gosh... hays... and now i'm smiling :)

maraming salamat sa pagtingkilik ng blog ko :) dito mo malalaman kung anong latest sakin. :) hehehe! thanks again for the compliment :)

hays... oo na. naniniwala na ako sayo. that's what ironic in life. it's so much to believe to other people than yourself...

NAKO! EDI MAY PROBLEMA KA NGA! hays... hihintayin mo pang mapuno muna.. hays... you need to get rid of that.

i'm here for you always.

and i miss you too.

mwah!

PS. Just inform me kung kelan yung libre mo! hahaha! don't stress out too much, ayt.?

Roland said...

nakaka-senti naman... honga bakit kaya may ganun? ...akala mo totoo, at pag nagising ka.... gusto mong balikan... pero hindi mo magawa.

"you just walk so slow. when i walk with you in such slow pace, the world seems to slow down too. i see everything. every blink, every step. i feel everything thing, your presence, but not you." loved this... so sweet!

RONeiluke, RN said...

hays... dreams sometimes manifest's our heart's greatest desire. it even tempts us to escape reality. :) thanks for the compliment :)

Raft3r said...

metaphysical ire, ha.
hehe.

i love dreams. the more vivid they are, the better.

RONeiluke, RN said...

rafters: METAPHYSICAL! that was the word! hehehe!

i agree. the more vivid the more you don't want to wake up :)

thanks for the comment... having vivid dreams lately?:)

Raft3r said...

check mo to:
http://malibay.blogspot.com/2008/03/meaning.html

yan ang recent dream ni Raft3r
hehe

big music fan here, too
check my posts na may label na music

thanks again 4 dropping by

RONeiluke, RN said...

rafters: thanks mate :) i'll check it out sometime :)