You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


28.9.08

awake
















THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME

to end the haunting dream.

i had to wake up soon

or let death take me with eyes open,

gazing up the stars we used to catch.


i have to break my hands off

for my palms could still feel yours holding them.

i have to go
uge out my eyes from my head

for they can still see the fireflies,

for they can still see you.


i had to amputate my feet

or else i won’t stop walking.

alone, along this broken road of loving hearts.

let me leap as high as i could,

shaking away the thorns your tongue placed under my skin.


i need some noise
tonight

to drown away the songs that aren’t mine.

i need to stitch my lips close

using your rusted needle and my own heartrings.

no more love songs for you.

i’ll drown myself in the rain

as cold bullets of water numb my spirit

from your arms ‘round me that aren’t there,

let it freeze this heart that won’t stop beating

for a memory as vivid as a shadow in the dark.


i have dug the ground

i have carved
the tombstone

engraved names using the bones of my remaining limbs

what flowers do you like?

dead lilies for you, white roses for me.


i see myself sleeping

and slowly losing breath.

someone please wake me up

for tonight has become a nightmare

and reality a joke that don’t deserve my smile.


it’s the perfec
t time

to finally let go of the rope

of which one end you once held.

time to strip my body off this flesh

and decaying skin you made me wear.


i am naked for all eyes to see

and after tonight i’ll be free

tomorrow i
will wake up

and try to walk without feet,

see without eyes and live, free of shackles and chains.


any moment now till sunrise

the time has come to rest the soul that feeds on days past;

the emaciated soul, as feeble as your love.

an alarm went off breaking the silence as thick as glass

as sunlight danced in front of me

five, four, three, two, one,

and i am still standing but now awake.





44 comments:

tinay said...

I so love the tones and undertones of this ron. :) write more poetry ;)
oh that was our band. ako yung lead vocals. ay champion si pagong sa growls. im glad u liked it :)


i can see how soulful you are and it's cool to think that you are a RN. damn. haha

RonTuron said...

wowowowow...

ron... one thing we have in common is this.. but the thing is, i never did push through writin' poems.. hehehe

hindi ko naging forte yan e.. introvoys ako pagdating jan...

i have started several but finished none.. isa yan sa mga greatest frustrations ko aside from writing as a journalist.. hahaha

RONeiluke, RN said...

tinay: woah! kaw pala yung vocalist! you have an amazing voice. ang sarap pakinggan. ahhh. xa pala si pagong! ang lupit! balikan ko yung ibang tracks. hindi ko kasi natapos eh :)

uhmm... what do you mean by tones and undertones? hehehe! sorry, medyo faulty ang poetry terminologies ko. hehehe!

wow. thanks for that compliment :) kaw din. you're such a pure-blooded artist. poet, singer, visual artist... hays... galing mo, tinay!

ronturon: poetry is fun. pero sabi nga nila there are different ways to express ourselves. eto nga lang yung sakin :)

marami rin akong drafts na hindi ko pinopost kasi hindi tapos o hindi ko pa gusto i-post. marami rin akong frustrations sa buhay. gusto ko maging film director, photographer, painter, etc. hahaha! pero we can't have it all can we? :)

Raft3r said...

you're linked.
thanks, man!

lloyd belleza said...

hehehe. thanks again and again for always giving time to drop some comments in my site. appreciate it much. :) who is lenlen?

the spool artist said...

i love how you conjure images of yourself, your aspirations, your deepest passions through your prose and poetry... i always look forward to these...

Lance said...

hey! nice poem..
ako wala pang post.. i decided to keep the blog but i made a promise though not to bother myself about having to really post a post just for the sake of posting.. hahah did i make sense? lol

I need to focus on my promotions first..it's almost the end of the quarter so dapat double sikap para maging mas masagana ang buhay...hahaha oi, diba ni apply kag CC sauna?
Translation: hey, nag-apply ka sa Callcenter nuon diba? anong nangyari?

have you heard of xlibris?? it's a publishing company.. they pay big too...

mrs.j said...

salamat...

:P

Aris said...

sometimes we just have to let go no matter how painful and just move on.

i love your images and metaphors!

have a great week ahead. :)

FerBert said...

two words-> MAHUSAY KA!

boying said...

gising, ron. umaga na.

bangon na.

salingPUSA said...

i need some noise tonight
to drown away the songs that aren’t mine.---I love this part. grabe . lalim--dumudugo mga nerves ko sa utak RON. what is you inspiration?

salingPUSA said...

the amputate thingy though reminds me of the movie SAW.....horror/ crme/ suspence ba to?

....do you like reading RON, kasi ako di gaano ganyan ka well-versed sa pagsususlat. I think good writers also take a lot of inspiration from the things they read. tama? it entails therefore that you have a variety of good read din. ayt?

joaqui_miguel said...

Maybe it's time we upload some more upbeat songs in our mp3 players. lol

dazedblu* said...

Sentimental again, but is it a premonition of gwetting on a notch of moving on?

Oh wht i mean is aftermath of griefing blog entries.. hehe Xd

Sorry if i'm too pricky abt yew dude, but [I] hope yer getting better Xd Anyways yew had a good shapoe of this musings, [I] really2lurve tht song, tht's why no doubt if yew ahve tht song binging on yer mp3.

RONeiluke, RN said...

Rafter: thanks for the link :)

Lloyd: sure mate... si len len? she was a friend. :) to whom i share a very complicated history with..hehehe!

Spool artist: thanks for the comment :) and thanks for taking time to read my prose and poetry. it means a lot :)

Lance: hehehe! i totally get it :) and thanks alot.

nako pag-igihin mo. sana mapromote ka! hehehe! ahh yung sa kelsenner. hindi natuloy eh... i have sort things out first :)

xlibris? hindi eh... ano yun?

Aris: yeah... moving on... and getting over. kaw nakamove-on ka na ba dun sa na nameet mo sa stop over? hehehe!


peace out!

Boying: gising nako kanina pa. hehehe!

Ferbert: salamat ng marami, febert! :)

Saling pusa: inspiration? hmmm... nothing in particular. siguro may pinaghuhugutan lang ako ng emosyon ang i try to take advantage of it and translate them into words. :)

waaa! SAW! yan ang pelikulang gusto kong mapanood but i can't help but feel uncomfortable while watching it, hanggang sa matapos na! haha!

hmmm... i won't condiser myself awide reader kasi iilan pa lang ang nababasa kong libro at natapos ko. exclude mo yung medical books. hehehe! siguro my writing is more influenced by movies i watch and songs i listen to... :)

pano ba Chinese accent ng 'uncle'? hehehe!

thanks alot, mate:)

joaqui: hahaha! i so agree with you. feel good movies could really help us through the dark times. hehehe! cool to know you feel better now :)

i-upload mo na rin yung mga upbeat songs mo. hehehe!

thanks for dropping by:)

RONeiluke, RN said...

dazedblu: you're being pricky nga. hehehe! thanks but i'm alright. i just love the song and it inspired me to write this one. it has nothing to do with my romantic realtionships... hehehe! tinesting ko lang yung advise ni dabo. translating songs into different mediums... :)

ang ganda nung kanta noh? thanks for dropping by :)

dazedblu* said...

Ohh i see, hehe Xd [I] didn't mean to ish tht romantic relationships, but it soudns like Xd

Hehe, and hindi pa nakakasawa yung kanta.

abt naman sa entry ko, yeah AS IN, it's really irritating, tht's why {I] don' spare a time to watch local shows, tht makes a mess (instead of sense).

RONeiluke, RN said...

dazedblu: hehehe! i that kind of impression alot when it comes to entries i post :)

hindi pa nga ako nagsasawa eh. hahaha!

dyan tayo nagkakapareho. i don't watch local shows too. except siguro yung PBB at PDA. KJ peace tayo! (hardcore kapamilya yan!) haha! para kasing paulit ulit na. ewan ko ba...hehehe!

dazedblu* said...

Hehe, agree Xd
Pero promise, ang senti mo talaga lately.. [I] may even not kno the reasons, but see blogging could actually helps you, [I] jope it it.. kc yan din ang outlet when I was in HS.

Then to all concerns after re-reading those emo-stuff once and for all, masasabi mo sa sarili, I became too sensitive, pero you'll be laughing out out thoughroughly.

Were funey, coz ginagawa na nating ym yung comment section ng blog mo, hehe Xd

RONeiluke, RN said...

dazedblu: hahaha! emo nga ako lately... and as i have said on my previous post this blog has been an outlet, not just for just melancholic emotions, blissful moments, and the artist in me... hehe!

actually i am planning to tell haley, my bestfriend that when i die, i'd want her to compile the contents of this blog. i got the idea from cruel intentions.. hehehe!

oo nga eh... ginawang chatroom? hahaha!

dazedblu* said...

Oh yeah.. must [I] agree with yew Xd geez, and exactly the artist in you! yeah Ron rock it, haha.

Geez! man [I] really really like tht film, whew. One of the first films na nagustuhan ko, kahit na hindi siya pambata, hehe Xd

Oh wait I don' liek the idea, huh, yer too emo talaga, wag naman ganun pero if tht makes yew happy, hehe Xd so be it. Wala namang masama, actually it's nice, a worth to remember from yer bf, and hope it could be shared to us din, hehe.. Oh diba celeb-like? :)

Cheers! hindi para mamatay ka, but for all the memories still running through. Xd

harmonie said...

pwede ka nang magsulat ng sarili mong poetry book. =)

RONeiluke, RN said...

dazedblu: haha! ang ganda kasi ng story. brilliant. somehow kapag napapanood ko yung gossip girl parang naaalala ko yung CI... hehe! ang i love the soundtrack. bittersweet symphony by the verve. nostalgic :)

i thought it was a really cool idea, and we could die anytime right? unaunahan lang yan. death in enigmatic sense is really curious and its effect on people...

CHEERS! to you too... and the memories that will immortalize us :)

alex said...

woo hooo hooo, poem naman!

mukang malalim lalim ang pinaghugutan nito ah, make it a song!

KRIS JASPER said...

Just in case you haven't heard...

I am your fan.

I was about to slash my wrist, then i read this...

JoShMaRie said...

ganda naman...

Toni said...

I do love the song as well.Pero mas bagay sakin at this point in time eh yung 'Addicted' ni Kelly Clarkson.

Sarap pakinggan pag may kasamang redhorse (kahit di ako umiinom) hahahaha!

jeepneyJOYride said...

...SOBER...

...hehe, t'was my shout-out before sa friendster. when i was still stuck on the middle of my "ex-love crisis". sobrang emotera ako pag naririnig ko yang kantang yan! hehe, but in a way, it helped me get through. just as you have.=)...

...hmmp! di ka nagpunta nung sunday, di ka rin nagtext. kulang tuloy ang dose ko ng tree hill at gossip..hehe! pero heroes at prison break sobrang mega updated ako...

...i miss you luke, did you see tracey? paramdam ka nga!...

...muahh!...

Jake Tornado said...

Ano beh!

Poetic justice!

Mukhang sobrang inspired na inspired ka this season ha! Hehehe...

Lance said...

@ron:
ah okey.. ok lang un.. priorities talaga muna.. but if you're not soo into call centers, xlibris might work for you. it's a publishing company. more on editing write ups and articles. i think you've got what it takes for the job. =)

REDLAN said...

sabi nila kaka inlove daw yung mga poet. may naalala tuloy ako. hay. ano ba ang inspirasyon mo sa pagsulat ng poem?

btw, ito pala ang page na ma-check mo ang page rank ng blog mo:

http://www.prchecker.info/check_page_rank.php

tapos kung gusto mo ng complete info pati alexa ito ang site:

http://www.talkreviews.com/review-site

type mo lang ang url mo.

sorry sa delay reaction at comment. medyo may tinapos ako.

anyway, pati sa pagsulat ng poem, ang haba.

am looking forward to read more posts. keep blogging.

lastly, why are you blogging?

RONeiluke, RN said...

Harmonie:thanks, harmonie :) actually i have a compilation of some of my poetry :) thanks for the compliment :) keep connected...

peace out :)

alex: ahehe.. poem naman para maiba. hehe! hindi naman maxadong malalim... medyo lang. hahaha! nako mahirap yata lapatan to ng melody... hmmm... pero it's a cool idea. thanks! :)

kj: i'm a fan too! and please stay away from pointy and sharp objects... hehehe!

Josh marie: thanks for dropping by :)

Toni: addicted? hindi ko pa ata napapakinggan yun. hehehe! matagal na tong sober alam ko. macheck nga minsan.

redhorse? hindi pa ako nakakainom nun. super hard lang kasi kaya ng tiyan ko. hahaha!

Jake: thanks for dropping by  hindi ako inspired… medyo lang. hehehe!

Haley: hahaha! Oo nga eh… nung napakinggan ko yung lyrics naalala ko yung shoutout mo. I thought gawa mo yun… “three months but you were still standing” makes perfect sense to us back then. Hahaha! Glad we’re so over those times 

Sorry hindi na ko nakapunta. Hehehe! Wala akong load remember. Social isolation ako sa real world. Hahaha! Wala rin naming bagong episodes. Nikalimutan ni kuya. Hehehe!

Wow…peram ko heroes at prison break! Sa Sunday pramis  hindi pumunta si tracey. Hindi nga nag-text eh…

I miss you too, hales!

Mwah!

RONeiluke, RN said...

lance: editing? nako faulty na yata ang editing skills ko. hehehe! haley pointed out may mga missing words sa mga entries ko. did i mention i have a condition--dyslexia... mind-hand incoordination... hehehe! ayon... but thanks for the info, mate :)

redlan: nakakainlove ba? hahaha! i do hope so. i actually believed that i was a japanese poet in my past life... hehehe!

my inspiration... hmmm... siguro sa mga pinapanuod ko at mga naririnig na kanta. cinephile at audiophile ako... hehehe! etong post na to, nakuha ko yung idea kat dabo. translating songs in different medium... hehehe! kaya ayun... nagandahan kasi ako sa sober :)

why i'm blogging? hmmm... i'm not actually sure. medyo frustrated artist kasi ako. kaya dito yung outlet ko kung ano mang creative juices meron ako. training ground ko na rin siguro to for my writing skills... therapeutic din to lalo na kapag medyo emo at bored... hehehe!

ei, thanks for answering my inquiries :) i really appreciate it :)

wanderingcommuter said...

i love the play of words without sacrficing the continuity of the emotion... keep it up

the menace said...

naks PR 3!

congrats bro

spongebabe said...

but i don't like poems. T_T

Looking For The Source said...

i love your poem. ang galing.

and it gave me the creeps! hi hi.

i feel you.







on the brightside...

we say...

NEXT!

Hex said...

isang ma-emosyong post na naman. hehe. at nga pala, hindi ako mamimintas ngayon...kasi mukhang hindi na ito "fiction."

by the way, i always thought that letting go is painful. Pero sa post na to...hehe...mukhang nakakamatay naman pala ang pagle-let go.

kaya kung ako sa iyo, you are better off "hanging on to memories" than living a life na parang walang kamay, walang mata, at walang paa. grossly "disabled" ka na niyan. hahaha.

RONeiluke, RN said...

Ewik: thanks, kuya ewik :P hope all is well you. musta na kayo ni A?

Menace: a blogger friend informed me na PR3 ako hehehe! thanks!

Sponagebabe: well, i'm sorry to hear that... i love poems! hehehe!

Looking for the source: thanks for dropping by my site :) glad you liked it. hope you like prose too...

peace out! :)

hex: hahaha! Pwede mo pa rin pintasan! Hahaha! This is fiction. Have you read the last part. It was inspired by the song sober! Hahaha! Yeah… letting go to some is fatal. And some say letting go is suicide. Thanks for dropping by :)

Reyn said...

I miss your company, Ron.


I wish we could hang out again some time...


And I'm sorry once more.

RONeiluke, RN said...

reyn: sige gala tayo minsan nila nikki! :)

peace out!

Denis said...

Sober is also my song of the moment, and its been more than 3 months.

oha oha. heheh

RONeiluke, RN said...

so sober ka na for more than three months? congrats! ahehehe!