You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


6.9.08

hit and run


I SAT THERE. waiting. i didn’t know what to feel. excited perhaps. but i think i was more
nervous than excited, because for the first time i would be alone with you at last. i was perspiring. the heat there in the city was different from where i came from. i was in your world. i was excited to be in your world because you live in it. i think it would be really nice if we could both live in your world together. but your world makes me perspire. it was so hot. even the air-conditioning unit of the place where i stayed, while waiting for you couldn’t penetrate the heat. sweat was cascading from my pores, like miniature rivers…

thirty minutes had passed and the sun was steadily setting, coloring the skies in red and casting long shadows on the streets full of people. people who seemed miserable. people on fast-forward. people running against time. why were they in such a haste? the sight made me uncomfortable. felt like i need to move too, not just to sit on that already moist round, white-painted chair. it was growing steadily dark outside, intensifying the colors of lights from shops, speeding vehicles, the red, orange, and green color of the stoplights. what took you so long? where are you now?

i was staring at the busy street when i saw you. i couldn’t forget the pink top you wore. it looked good against your skin. and of course the smile. your shy smile that made me smile, revealing my not so white set of teeth. you sat opposite me and gave me that shy smile again. i hated you for it. you made me so happy.

we decided to feed our hungry stomachs and you lead the way. because it was your world. i am new to this place. i was glad you were there so you could tell me where to go. so i won’t get lost. but you didn’t know where to go and the thought that we’re lost made me strangely at bliss. i could face the fact of being lost, as long as i was with you. it was a sweet thought. being lost in your world. something new at last. enough of my monotonous life. but i know in the end we would find our way back. our way home.

we were able to eat at last. i have learned that you prefer sprite to quench your thirst. what have you learned about me? do you still remember my favorite color? my middle name? my favorite food? do you still remember how i smile? or how i walk? how i hold and play with your hands? how i look into your eyes? your eyes bothered me a lot because i could not get a firm hold onto them. they were constantly moving in their sockets as if looking for something. i was there in front of you. and i asked you to fix your gaze into mine because i was telling you things. beautiful things that came from my heart. i asked you to look into my eyes so you could see my heart. did you see it?

then we decided to go. it was really late that night. i had a long way home. this was not my world. i was about to cross the street when you held my hand. god they were so soft. i was glad you pulled me back and asked me to stay. i wanted you to stop me. i considered it as a good sign… it was a good sign…

then we walked along the city sidewalks. i have never seen the city this beautiful. the orange glow of lampposts against the darkness and how they make the leaves of city trees glow like gold, and the building shine like ancient palaces in fairy tales. perhaps i was in a fairy tale. perhaps that was a dream because i was so happy. i couldn’t remember the last time i felt happiness like that. happiness that brings about hope and salvation from an eternally melancholic life.

we sat on the side of an empty road, looking over the beautiful sight, pretending to breathe smoke-free air. i was looking to the heavens and beholding the beauty of the stars, and the moon. i was in a romantic movie, i thought, for being in a moment like that. it was so surreal. i was so happy that i was there with you. i felt everything. i felt so alive, especially, when we held hands, as we walk, dancing through alternating shadows and light…

we crossed the seemingly empty street, and everything seemed to be in slow motion, even the car that hit us that threw us both up in the air and down the warm concrete. most people believed that before you die, you will see your entire life flash back before your very eyes. in my case it was different… it was my life… with you…

i had glimpse of a giant ferris wheel…

you and me on the seaside, overlooking the sea we couldn’t see…

us, standing next to each other, shooting balls… (you won, of course)

my body, intertwined with yours…

you and me devouring each other’s lips, under the stars, overlooking a river, watched by fireflies…

we were already dead before we hit the ground. no tears were shed. no heaving breaths were heard. just silence. at least at that moment your eyes were fixed onto mine. blank. if only you could only see me too, you would be able to see my eyes sparkling with stars they couldn’t see anymore…

we died.

then there was silence… eerie… unbreakable…

then they were heartbeats. and breathing. and blinking of eyes against the blinding glow of a rising sun. we lived again. we stood up a little confused. a little dazed. we didn’t felt pain. just confusion and the mounting urge to go home. we didn’t notice that we’re bloody. in fact we didn’t notice each other. we walked on different directions without a word. with nothing but emptiness… and ran… ran as fast as we could.

and now i write as if nothing happened…i write as if that night didn’t happen at all… i have realized that it was very easy to write about fantasies than reality based on facts…it was a dream. i knew it. that’s why i was able to write this one so well because there were no facts to follow. just pure make believe. i write as if i have forgotten. i write as if i didn’t learn to love you. as if my heart didn’t break…as if i didn’t gave you a piece of my heart… my heart on your soft hands i will always miss to hold.


39 comments:

Myk2ts said...

another ground-breaking post!

im a fan!

ikaw na nga ang coelho ng pilipinas! :)

tc ron..

Myk2ts said...

thanks sa comment (: hehe medyo di nagustuhan ng iba kaya dinelete ko muna :)

hehe frustrations ko lang naman yung mga bonggang photoshoot. heavy ang buhok, damit, makeup, lighting etc. pero alam ko naman na hinding hindi ako pwedeng mag modil haha. pwede pala model ng michelin :)

Mugen said...

I'm beginning to see the trend. Hehe. It's like reading Davenport, only a little younger. :P

harmonie said...

wow galing. =)

dabo said...

@ron: baka gusto mo ng extrang kuting may inaalok si joms.. lol

seriously, magaling naman talaga

hmmmn experimental, emotions veiled under dream like sequence.... okay bawal ang magdecode ng gawa pero beware ka kay ewik at joms... lol

--- --

@joms: huh what trend??? are you referring to me.. i couldn't even match you or the author of this blog, well im in no-competition.. but naalala mo yung text na pinadala ko sa yo.. the author of this blog is really something.. well like you too.. once the author of this blog learn to get a little adventurous with words and discover to write provocatively and sensually you are in a big trouble..lol :)

huh? what age?? lol

dabo said...

at what trend??

Leonardo said...

thats really really deep.

leviuqse said...

vivid description! i had an out of the body experience...

Ely said...

nice post. well done!

KRIS JASPER VAN DYKE said...

"i could face the fact of being lost, as long as i was with you"

very nice. went well with that musical score.

I rili rili thought it was ur experience last week. Sadly it was just a fantasy. But who knows.... It might become a reality next week.

PRUE HALLIWEL :: OBSERVER OF LIFE said...

great read here... all because it was a great piece of course...

your writing swept me actually...

P.S.

thanks for the visit by the way... i see we're both a prue fannie... hehehe!

Lance said...

i just remembered a dream i had yesterday... may mga deadfifol.. it's scary pero parang i get used to it nah.. weird..

anyway, good job on this post.. I sometimes don't even wanna publish the posts i make coz nakakahiya compared sa mga posts nyo..hehehehe

_ice_ said...

well done..

love it..

live well
laugh often
enjoy life

redlan said...

this is the longer post. the one was the tag post. lol. Parang nagbabasa ako ng romantic book. Galing mo magsulat. nai-imagine ko yung bawat scene. unexprected. kala ko hindi na siya darating. sa isip ko nga, bakit hindi mo siya tinext. pero yung susunod na line pala dumating siya pero ang nakakalungkot lumayo na.

iba talaga kapag reality ang sinusulat, makakarelate ka. what if may contuation 'to in your own fantasy na lang, ano kaya ang susunod na chapter nito? pero sana magkabalikan kayo. goodluck!

Roland said...

ang lalim... muntik na akog malunod at di na makabalik sa mundong ginagalawan ko.

hayz... so deep, so full of emotions, so real.

more! more! more!
hahaha.



====
it is very wrong to judge sum1
neither we know that sum1 nor not. oftimes, we don’t even know sum1. but we’ll view him/her from the perspective that most closely resembles our own. all based on our own prejudices, hopes, fears, and world-view.

yes, i got the message. thanks.
contact you later.

Reyn said...

Thanks, Ron...



T_T

onatdonuts: "Tirador ng Kaning Lamig" said...

parang napunta ako sa ibang dimensyon habang nagbabasa nito. galing! ganda pa ng music mo..bagay na bagay haha

the spool artist said...

once again, another poetic and profound piece of literature...

wow, you are blowing us away with your writing!

wanderingcommuter said...

basically, si rhon ay nasa bagong henerasyon...

si kuya joms este si dabo lang pala ang nasa luma!!! hahaha...

kudos dude!

sana matutunan ko ang pagkuha ng emotion sa pagsusulat...

tina said...

*claps* galing naman... very detailed. nice nice.

tinay said...

your soul, i can read it in Morse code :) i love this post. i can relate to the feeling of "you are the best memories i never had and may never will"

it's great that you were able to paint those murals instead of settling for an empty space. the sovereignty of our mind is helpful when the heart is enslaved. i have wiped some ruins of the past without having to use a machine. gladly, it's helping me breathe.

_ice_ said...

we never learn to move on, we just move forward carrying all the pains and burden as we go on with our life... learn to accept things, if thy're not really meant for you, do not long for it, you'll get hurt.

just think that another chapter of your life has close and the next one is about to open,

live well
laugh often
enjoy life

xlink..??

FerBert said...

oh my!

you lucky bastard..

ang husay mong sumulat..

kung babae ako malamang stalker mo na ako ngayon at ginahasa na kita.. ahahahaha

xoxo

mrs.j said...

ill be transfering na sa abs soon..
and
im sad kasi i cant have someone like you...haha!

the menace said...

oyyyy inlove.

burger!
burger!

dazedblu* said...

aw.. aw.. aw :)
great post ron! tht's a gruesome.

dazedblu* said...

Haha, ron actually there is but tht book is written by Terry Sanderson.

The Kama Sutra is written by Indian, way off from the Gay version. XD

thansk fer droppin' too!

Lance said...

sorry busy nga.. i just had one day off for this week and i had so much preparing to do because i will be off to negros by next week, gotta visit my hometown and dumsville too..
my gf's birthday is set to next week as well... i need to prepare a lot of stuff.. and as well as prepare many things for work..
tsk tsk tsk..
sorry na..
alam ko..
may mga spiderwebs na nga ang post ko...
hehe

Anonymous said...

Gusto ko yung pacing nung istorya...slow-mo ang pagka-kwento sa una para makuha nung reader yung mood...saka nangyari yung fast death (hit and run nga!).

dark na yung mood sa umpisa. Talagang ina-anticipate mo na na may mangyayaring masama...pero na-mamask yung dark mood dahil dun sa mga "sweet and romantic" parts nung story.

yey! sa wakas hindi na super lungkot yung mga nababasa ko dito.

Chyng said...

hi Ron! you truly write good emotional posts.. Carried away kame!

bena said...

oist ron! this is so to the highest level ha.. tsk.. tsk.. tsk.. i think it's about time that you should start working on a book already.. bravo! hihihi..

salingPUSA said...

kung saan saan mo na naman ako siniksik sa narration mo RON. How do you come up with such? Do you write it in a pice of paper first or go straight to the keyboard?

salingPUSA said...

RON---e panu kung ikaw kaya pumasok sa mundo ko?----Juday Piolo in Don't give up on us....kw ba yan?

boying said...

i tried adding you up sa frenster.

nagka-error.

friend na pala kita dun.

hahaha.

RONeiluke, RN said...

ui, ferbert! pervert ka talaga! hahaha! buti na lang pala lalaki ako! hahahaha! speaking of stalker binigyan mo ako ng magandang idea... heheehe!

thanks for dropping by :)

RONeiluke, RN said...

to anonymous: hmmm... sana nagpapakilala ka di ba? ang daming anonymous commenter dito hindi ko na malaman kung sino ka sa kanila. hehehe! but anyway, thanks a lot for that very flattering review of my post. hindi ko alam na ganun pala xa. may 'masking' pang term. ang galing! i'm really glad na nagbabasa ka dito sa site ko...

malulungkot ba posts ko? hehe! xenxa naman. para kasing mas gamay ko pag medyo dark at moody yung theme. :)

thanks again for dropping by...

kung ayaw mo magpakilala, we can chat. it's lukasiskat_03@yahoo.com...

Abaniko said...

Ah, love!

dabo said...

ewikk... may ganun... lol :)

Reyn said...

Ron, malapit na pala yung fiesta kila PeeJay...punta ko ha..


Sana welcome pa rin ako dun...hehe..