You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


13.9.08

on the 9th floor


YOU SCREWED UP. and now all these will soon end. i have found you at

last but this time you wouldn’t expect kisses or hugs from me. i have nothing for you but pure hatred and anger that could make your long straight hair curl. but seeing you this close, hate is really fatal, and you have no idea because you have let your defenses down. you became so comfortable i could tell. and now… my wait is over.

what were you thinking, walking in the middle of the night like this? it’s 2:03 am, you fool. it’s raining hard. so heavy like my breathing right now. i am so fortunate to have spotted you in this weather. the rain makes me invisible in your eyes and there’s no way you could recognize me. you can’t even hear my footsteps and the sound they make against this inch deep flood water. every sound i will make will be muffled by the angry sounds of raindrops against tin roofs. i can kill you right now, you know? it will be a perfect murder. the streets are empty. everyone is inside, sleeping. no one will be watching the streets in this storm especially this late. it’s just you and me outside. no light from lamp posts to expose us… no light to expose the gun i am holding in my right hand. it will be a perfect murder.

what are you doing here outside walking barefoot? i’m surprised you still thought of using an umbrella, but i can see you’re soaking wet already. as usual, you walk on that very slow gait. i have always hated the way you walk. it was so contagious i had no choice but to slow down as well. i noticed you’re wearing the black dress i gave you on your 24th birthday.. how could i forget? it took me a thousand years before finding that perfect dress for you. water is dripping from it just like the water dripping from your long hair how fitting if you will die on that dress. i couldn’t wait to see it stained with your blood. i couldn’t wait to see your face behind a glass. i couldn’t wait to stand on your body, buried underneath soil and stone. i will send you flowers, don’t you worry. lilies. violet-colored lilies. those were your favorite, i know. change was inevitable but there were still things that stayed the same.

i am right behind you, just a couple of paces, wearing a black raincoat. at this distance you would have felt my presence, but still you walk like you’re all alone in this world. indifferent. the rain doesn’t seem to bother you or the flood where your feet are submerged. you’re walking as if you’re praying. then moments later you stopped. i stopped too. i am curious of what’s happening. then, you threw the umbrella that protects you from the rain. and now you’re really wet. you looked up to the heavens. there was a part of me that wanted you to look at me instead. a part of me wanted to tell you that i am here… behind you. but no. i will shoot you in the back, like when you stabbed a knife in mine two years ago.

then you started to walk again. and i started to walk to, as i hold that cold gun tightly. i feel the impulse of pointing it directly in your head right now. it would be a painless death. but now my curiosity overcomes my instinct to kill. for the moment, i will follow you to where you are going… the night is still long. there would be still plenty of time and it looks like the storm is getting angrier and angrier by the minute. fate is at my side.

you walked on until we found ourselves in front of a building. it seemed unfinished and abandoned. no lights were on. i couldn’t feel any presence of people living in it. it looks ghostly against the pitch-black darkness. it was just a hollow piece of infrastructure. but why go in such place?

you stared at it. you looked hesitant whether to enter it or not. you looked around as if you’re looking for someone. are you looking for me? i doubt. if you are, you should have done that many moons ago. it’s too late. you stepped on the threshold and i saw a determined look on your face. looks like you have made up your mind. then you entered the building…

the ground floor as i expected was empty. no furnishings, no nothing. just walls that seemed to talk as we entered. you went for the stairs. on the first plight was a bicycle. i remembered the first time when you taught me how to ride a bike. i was so embarrassed that i didn’t know how. i was glad that it was you who taught me. i was comfortable with you. it was like home with you. you were my home.

second floor. there’s nothing here. i followed you to the staircase again. i saw a book lying on the floor. a yellow one. do you remember the book i gave you? i gave you that book because you hate reading. but after you read it, you became a bookworm. i was so proud of myself. we were taking the stairs when i heard retching noises. i knew it was you.

third floor. you walked like you’re not paying attention to anything. i wonder what floor you’re heading to. as we took the stairs, i saw a ball on a corner. i remembered when we used to play basket ball as the sun sets, head towards the river near our house, and catch fireflies. i didn’t know such happy memories could be this bitter.

fourth floor. it was exactly the same as the rooms below. i noticed that the place was really old. unfinished but old. there were cobwebs everywhere. what’s with this building? memories are coming back to me like ghosts. we both hated spiders. that was the similarity we first learned about each other. but as we grew older, spiders became reminders of you… no matter how scary they are.

fifth floor. you kept walking determined to reach the top floor. i can’t remember how tall this building was from the outside because it was so dark. i noticed you started to tire. your walk became slower this time. and i can definitely hear that you’re heaving breaths. the same breaths i heard when we made love first time on our honeymoon, whispering my name in between breaths.

sixth… i felt a gust of cold wind. it was coming from outside through a broken window. there were broken glasses. it reminded me of our first love quarrel when you threw a glass of wine into my face, that shattered on the floor. it was the first time you broke my heart. the second was when you left me…

we are now on the seventh floor. i could feel you’re so tired now. but still, you carried on. perhaps it was your unbelievably big abdomen. i watched as it grew larger and larger as we go up. do you still remember the names? it would’ve been reese, ruther, and ronald. it’s not going to happen now is it? the souls in your womb are not mine. i know they’re my bestfriend’s. but he’ll not able to see them too…

eighth floor. you could barely take a step and i could see the grimace on your face. i enjoy the sight of it. that was exactly the same grimace i wore when you left, when you told me you needed to clear your head and had to leave the country, when you never came back nor wrote me letters, and when i finally learned that you didn’t leave after all. now you’re all alone to go all through this. you’re hopeless. you’ll thank me for killing you right now.

we took the last plight of stairs. at the end of it was a door. you opened it as wind and water hit us cold in the face. you were limping as you walk across the roof top, wearing the same face against the strong wind and the down pour of water hitting us like bullets. i could now see blood trickling down your legs onto the floor diluted by puddles of water. the pain is unbearable i can see… this was where you’re heading.

a gush of blood and water… a cry from a baby’s mouth reached my ears… it was a boy. i would have loved my firstborn to be a boy. you knew that. but that’s all gone now. all things will soon end here… it has to end because this is just too much for me to bear. i shouldn’t have followed you here and killed you when i still had the guts…. the end is near…. any minute now.

and i watch you now. you are crying, heaving breaths, in pain. you are losing a lot of blood. i may not have to use this gun on you. too bad. and i stood there before you, when you moved your lips…

“look into my eyes…”

and then you’re gone. you died and my face was the last thing you saw… what the use of this gun is now. i think i’ll just have to use it one more time. besides, everything is bound to end here. fate is at my side…

no gunshot was heard except thunder and rain against tin roofs. it’s now 3:05 am. no one will bother to look outside. the streets were empty. no light to expose us. and you wearing that black dress…

our deaths were perfect… here on the ninth floor... here at the end of all things…


29 comments:

Mugen said...

Off Topic: Pasensya na bro, nagamit ko yung title ng last entry mo sa first statement ng recent entry ko.

redlan said...

oh my. pahaba ng pahaba ang post mo. it's quite interesting naman. kaya bukas ko na to babasahin ng buo. it's getting late. Kelangan ko mag take time to read this post. bukas para makapag concentrate ako at hindi pagod ang utak ko.

i'll be back here tomorrow then. tc!

mrs.j said...

hi ron..

miss u

richarddiongson.com said...

medyo nalunod ako sa post na to. hehe
nga pala, binoto mo ko? where's the blog post? :-)thank you so much dude..

boying said...

WOW.

"don't call me. don't write. don't show up in the middle of the night."

-sozzi

uhmmm. once again, when someting dies, you do not have to die with it.

lloyd belleza said...

Fiction but still reflects what's within you. Can i make a request? can u do something light and happy? :)

PS Thanks for the last comment. It was a friendster view. I am OK now. I realized that we will just be friends. And it's better to be that.

RONeiluke, RN said...

redlan: oo nga eh... as i've said, i'm very particular in details. gusto ko masaid ang utak pag nagsusulat. hehehe! napakawild pati ng imagination ko... thanks for taking time :)

mrs j: talagang miss mo na ako? hehehe!

to richard: sorry naman kung nlunod kita T_T

to boying: interesting quote. sino si sozzi? i agree... sabihin mo sa "kanya" yan. tsk tsk..

to lloyd: gosh... is true??? hmmm... sige try ko magsulat ng masaya... parang wala naman kasing masayang nangyayari lately.. hehehe!

PS: hays... at least you're still friends right?

_ice_ said...

ang haba... nosebleed ang dating..

omg.. the best..galing sobra..

wish i could write something like that..

Bryan Anthony the First said...

hindi ka naman building manager niyan?

woof!

KRIS JASPER VAN DYKE said...

ohh... you should be a writer my friend.

but they died.... sad.

and for your next story,
can you add a bit of "naughtiness" in it? lol.

joking.

RONeiluke, RN said...

ice: xenxa na ,kung medyo napahaba na naman... OC ako sa pagsusulat lately napansin ko. hehe! pagbigyan mo na ko pero i appreciate na still binasa mo.. :)

thanks for the compliment, mate :)

to bryan: building manager??? ahehehe! i guess not. :)

to KJ: thanks... pinagiisipan ko na rin yan eh pero im not that close to considering it... as a career i mean :)

what kind of naughtiness naman kaya yun? hahaha! no naughtiness in this universe can match that of "CHUNKY CUNTH AND DINGO DICKH." hahaha!

Lance said...

whattaa...i was really concentrating reading this post...
and I liked what you have realized on the fifth floor..hahaha

@ron:
my illusive delights?
ayon..yung parang perfect lahat.. gusto ko din nang Kamote delight??heheh na try mu na bah?? yung mashed potato pero may margarine???hehehe

tinay said...

this is it. you fear less, write more, and im smiling because i have this feeling that one day, we will collab on something written and it's gonna be the next best goddamn thing after poetry on table napkins, prose on a bus. keep your imagination sailing ron. :)

redlan said...

Finally, I had a time to read the 9th floor story. And I had a great time!

I guess, you based it sa na experience mo. napakalalim at seems to real. not the actual scenes pero yung pinagdaanan ng dalawang characters. from ground floor to 9th floor kaya. Pinaghirapan pa nila ang sarili nila at magpakamatay lang pala. pero maganda ang takbo ng storya. from 2:o3 am to 3:05, 9th floor building. ilang stairs kaya yun that it took an hour for them to reach the top floor. joke.

Dahil sa dark ang iyong template at medyo madilim ang setting ng puter setting sa office at para hindi halata na nagbababad lang ako online, i printed the 9th floor post out.

Ang galing ng intro. there are some kewl lines like kisses or hugs. tas, hatred and anger. ... that could make your long straight hair curl. lol. natawa ako sa huling linya.

perfect murder and perfect dress.

thought of using umbrella but walking barefoot. tila, tila, tila, yeah yeah yeah. nakaka-wendang at ang umbrella she trew it. kala ko may sensual scene dito. hahaha. black dress got wet lang. haha. tapos ikaw naka black coat.

violet-colored lilies, favorite color rin yan isa kong friend. hehehe

it looks like the storm is getting angier and angier. galing ng figure of speech.

you looked around as if you're looking for someone, are you looking for me? (asa ka pa?! joke. ) it's too late( feeling david cook? joke again)

the ground floor- the bicycle memory

2nd floor- the yellow book memory

3rd floor- a ball memory.

4th floor- cobwebs- spider fear memory

5th floor- breath-oozing sound. memory. first time, you know.
kala ko maging censored. binitin. joke. napakasensual lol. pero smooth pa rin.

6th floor- broken window reminds of first quarrel. threw a glass of wine into my face( you're a trying hard copy cat ba yan? hehe)

7th floor - baby's name like reese, ruther and ronald. lol. i remember of my bestfriend napag usapan kung ano ang ipapangalan sa kanilang anak pero hindi sila nagkatuluyan. Baka superstitious belief 'to na hindi dapat pag-usapan ang tungkol sa baby's name in a relationship. joke.

8th floor- grimace i wore when you left me. erase! erase! erase!

napakahabang scenario at magkapatayan lang pala sa 9th floor. you used your own gun sa pagpatay mo ng iyong sarili. kaya pala bitbit mo hanggang 9th floor.

teka, sino nag narrate nito? the baby boy? di ba patay na yung bidang lalaki?

sana tulad ng patayan sa story na 'to mawala rin tong bad memories at para makapag move on ka na. (para yan sa bidang lalaki)

I hate to read long post but after I read this post, I crave for more longer post. it's worth to read.

dahil sa masipag ka magsulat at mag-comment, naging masipag rin ako mag-comment in return.

Thanks for sharing the story. alam ko may menaing lahat ng nangyari. Galing ng pagkagawa. All in all, it's worth to read. all i can say is, keep it up!

_ice_ said...

nageenjoy me sa mga sinusulat mo.. i learn a lot from di kasi me magaling mag sulat hahahah..

I usually visit ur blog to see kung may bago hehehehe

Leonardo said...

Quit writing! Start filming your stories to the silver screens!

Roland said...

hayz... napabuntong hininga na naman ako... napapansin ko rin... habang ako ay paikli ng paikli sa mga posts ko... ikaw naman pahaba ng pahaba... pero ok naman dahil may sense naman ang mga sinusulat mo.

tama na ang iyakan... kwento ka naman ng masaya... for exapmle yung pagiging "late bloomer" mo, hahaha. dba nakakatuwa.

death ends a life, not a relationship.

RONeiluke, RN said...

lance: ahh.. yung may sex?! hahaha! ikaw ha? hahaha! musta na nga pala ang preparations for the big day?...

natry ko na yung kamote delight... never did like them much... nauutot kasi ako! hahaha!

tinay: wow! parang naexcite naman ako in thought na magkakaron tayo ng collaboration in the future! hahaha! i'm so having fun with writing right now. lalo na kapag fiction. the possibilities is limitless :) thanks tinay :)

redlan: i'm glad you had a great time :) i'll be surprised if you got bored really kasi aminado naman ako na napahaba siya hehehe!!!

actually fiction xa tlaga... siguro nagmukhang parang galing sa experience ko kasi gawa ng mga details :) pero fiction imitates life... siguro sa subconscious ko oo! hehehe! one hour pala... ngayon ko lang napansin. antok na siguro ako... dapat 30 mins lang yung eh. hahaha!

sige try ko magsulat ng erotica para sayo! hahahaah!

gosh.. record-breaking tong comment mo. xa na pinakamahaba as i can remember at talagng hinimay mo... i'm overwhelmed really! :) thanks a lot.

peace out!

ice: wow... thanks for following this site. at natutuwa ako nagugustuhan mo yung mga nasulat ko... you can use my style. marami ng nagdecode ng writing style ko at nakakatuwa yung mga views nila :)

thanks again, mate!

leonardo: hahaha! that's a very nice suggestion hehehe! but i'm still enjoy writing at the moment! hehe!

thanks for commenting, mate!

roland: hahaha! opposite ang haba ng mga posts natin lately! hehehe! nako parang suckfest kapag sarili ko ang pinagusapan... lalo na yung topic na yun! hahahaha!

thanks for commenting yet again!

peace out!

Abou said...

this could be the first chapter of your future book!

penngwen said...

this is a very very interesting short story. very lovely.

KRIS JASPER VAN DYKE said...

oh no! not you as well?

CC and DD arent naughty, they're wholesome characters...


:)

spongebabe said...

sana next time, maikling post naman. T_T


masakit sa mata magbasa ng mahaba. wahehehe.


bat ba ang emo mo? hmm..

Lance said...

AH ganun??heheeh cge wag ka nang kumain nang kamote delight again, hmmp??

the preparation?? i'm going to the flower shop today to schedule a flower delivery..then dinner date lang, tapos u know na.. i mean, un lang..hahaha =)

RONeiluke, RN said...

abou: hahaha! pwede ba yun eh namatay nga yung mga characters, DI BA? hahaha!

gwen: thanks gwen for your comment :) ang ganda nung canon noh? sana ako rin kaya to. ito na yatang pinaka-EMO na version ng canon... :)

KJ: i'm ready to accept that DD and CC were wholesome... until i read you last post! hahaha!

spongebabe: sorry naman... napapahaba kasi talaga T_T

lance: ahehe! oo hindi na.. besides bihira na lang ako makakita nun. hehehe!

wow, mr. romantico ka pala! hahaha! haranahin mo na rin! hahaha!

yun lang ba talaga!? hahaha!

hex said...

uhm...gusto kong sumali dun sa mga nagpp-protesta sa haba ng post nito.

at dahil sobrang haba nito, medyo marami rin akong comments. hehe.

na-email ko ba sayo yun? oo, na email ko na ata. hehe. anliit ng comment box eh. hehe.

RONeiluke, RN said...

hex: ui! kasama ka na pala sa mga nagpoprotesta! hahaha! ipapasara niyo na ba tong site ko!? hahaha!

anyway wala akong narereceive sa email ko na comment... hmmm...

check mo naman. i would love to know what think of my post this time. hehehe!

RONeiluke, RN said...

HEX! :) gosh... ibang level ang mga comments mo dito... nabasa ko na yung e-mail. dapat pala i-send ko muna sayo bago ako mag-post... hahaha! nahihiya tuloy ako, sinabi ko pang proofreader ako hindi ko man lang masabi kung anong tense ng istorya ko! hahaha! but seriously thanks :) i appreciate the fact that you took time to comment that this very long post. anyway... baka i-edit ko to, thanks to you...

galing! galing!

peace out!

hex said...

mukha ka kasing lunod na lunod sa pagsusulat. hehe. mahirap talagang i-check ang sarili mong gawa. kaya nga siguro ipinanganak ang profession ng editing. Kasi nga, may tendency ang mga tao na hindi makita ang kanilang mga writing flaws.

nga pala, masyado kang mahilig sa symbols at analogies. Pero wag mo lang kakalimutan na ang ginagamit mong symbols ay may physical state na governed pa rin ng natural laws...tulad ng time, light, color etc. hehe.

at nga pala...try mong gawing nasa active voice ang iyong mge sentence. Malawak naman ang vocabulary mo eh. Kaya iwasan ang maraming linking verbs. hehe.

minsan kasi, akala nung iba, adjectives at adjectives lang ang nagpapaganda sa writing. sandamukal na descriptions. ok naman yun. Pero mas maganda kung yung verbs mo ang malawak.

ito ay payong kaibigan. hehe. sulat ka lang nang sulat...

RONeiluke, RN said...

wooooow! talagang pinapabilib mo ko! hehehe! lunod nga siguro ako sa pagsusulat. tamad pa mag-edit. anyway thanks alot. sa lahat ng nagdedecode ng pagsusulat ko kaw ang pinakasuccesful! hehe! mahilig nga ako sa symbolism at sinasadya kong in 'physical state' sila :) hays... hindi nga malawak ang verbs ko kaya siguro nagcompensate ang mga adjectives...

wow, i've learned loads! thanks! :)