on the 9th floor

YOU SCREWED UP. and now all these will soon end. i have found you at

last but this time you wouldn’t expect kisses or hugs from me. i have nothing for you but pure hatred and anger that could make your long straight hair curl. but seeing you this close, hate is really fatal, and you have no idea because you have let your defenses down. you became so comfortable i could tell. and now… my wait is over.

what were you thinking, walking in the middle of the night like this? it’s 2:03 am, you fool. it’s raining hard. so heavy like my breathing right now. i am so fortunate to have spotted you in this weather. the rain makes me invisible in your eyes and there’s no way you could recognize me. you can’t even hear my footsteps and the sound they make against this inch deep flood water. every sound i will make will be muffled by the angry sounds of raindrops against tin roofs. i can kill you right now, you know? it will be a perfect murder. the streets are empty. everyone is inside, sleeping. no one will be watching the streets in this storm especially this late. it’s just you and me outside. no light from lamp posts to expose us… no light to expose the gun i am holding in my right hand. it will be a perfect murder.

what are you doing here outside walking barefoot? i’m surprised you still thought of using an umbrella, but i can see you’re soaking wet already. as usual, you walk on that very slow gait. i have always hated the way you walk. it was so contagious i had no choice but to slow down as well. i noticed you’re wearing the black dress i gave you on your 24^th birthday.. how could i forget? it took me a thousand years before finding that perfect dress for you. water is dripping from it just like the water dripping from your long hair how fitting if you will die on that dress. i couldn’t wait to see it stained with your blood. i couldn’t wait to see your face behind a glass. i couldn’t wait to stand on your body, buried underneath soil and stone. i will send you flowers, don’t you worry. lilies. violet-colored lilies. those were your favorite, i know. change was inevitable but there were still things that stayed the same.

i am right behind you, just a couple of paces, wearing a black raincoat. at this distance you would have felt my presence, but still you walk like you’re all alone in this world. indifferent. the rain doesn’t seem to bother you or the flood where your feet are submerged. you’re walking as if you’re praying. then moments later you stopped. i stopped too. i am curious of what’s happening. then, you threw the umbrella that protects you from the rain. and now you’re really wet. you looked up to the heavens. there was a part of me that wanted you to look at me instead. a part of me wanted to tell you that i am here… behind you. but no. i will shoot you in the back, like when you stabbed a knife in mine two years ago.

then you started to walk again. and i started to walk to, as i hold that cold gun tightly. i feel the impulse of pointing it directly in your head right now. it would be a painless death. but now my curiosity overcomes my instinct to kill. for the moment, i will follow you to where you are going… the night is still long. there would be still plenty of time and it looks like the storm is getting angrier and angrier by the minute. fate is at my side.

you walked on until we found ourselves in front of a building. it seemed unfinished and abandoned. no lights were on. i couldn’t feel any presence of people living in it. it looks ghostly against the pitch-black darkness. it was just a hollow piece of infrastructure. but why go in such place?

you stared at it. you looked hesitant whether to enter it or not. you looked around as if you’re looking for someone. are you looking for me? i doubt. if you are, you should have done that many moons ago. it’s too late. you stepped on the threshold and i saw a determined look on your face. looks like you have made up your mind. then you entered the building…

the ground floor as i expected was empty. no furnishings, no nothing. just walls that seemed to talk as we entered. you went for the stairs. on the first plight was a bicycle. i remembered the first time when you taught me how to ride a bike. i was so embarrassed that i didn’t know how. i was glad that it was you who taught me. i was comfortable with you. it was like home with you. you were my home.

second floor. there’s nothing here. i followed you to the staircase again. i saw a book lying on the floor. a yellow one. do you remember the book i gave you? i gave you that book because you hate reading. but after you read it, you became a bookworm. i was so proud of myself. we were taking the stairs when i heard retching noises. i knew it was you.

third floor. you walked like you’re not paying attention to anything. i wonder what floor you’re heading to. as we took the stairs, i saw a ball on a corner. i remembered when we used to play basket ball as the sun sets, head towards the river near our house, and catch fireflies. i didn’t know such happy memories could be this bitter.

fourth floor. it was exactly the same as the rooms below. i noticed that the place was really old. unfinished but old. there were cobwebs everywhere. what’s with this building? memories are coming back to me like ghosts. we both hated spiders. that was the similarity we first learned about each other. but as we grew older, spiders became reminders of you… no matter how scary they are.

fifth floor. you kept walking determined to reach the top floor. i can’t remember how tall this building was from the outside because it was so dark. i noticed you started to tire. your walk became slower this time. and i can definitely hear that you’re heaving breaths. the same breaths i heard when we made love first time on our honeymoon, whispering my name in between breaths.

sixth… i felt a gust of cold wind. it was coming from outside through a broken window. there were broken glasses. it reminded me of our first love quarrel when you threw a glass of wine into my face, that shattered on the floor. it was the first time you broke my heart. the second was when you left me…

we are now on the seventh floor. i could feel you’re so tired now. but still, you carried on. perhaps it was your unbelievably big abdomen. i watched as it grew larger and larger as we go up. do you still remember the names? it would’ve been reese, ruther, and ronald. it’s not going to happen now is it? the souls in your womb are not mine. i know they’re my bestfriend’s. but he’ll not able to see them too…

eighth floor. you could barely take a step and i could see the grimace on your face. i enjoy the sight of it. that was exactly the same grimace i wore when you left, when you told me you needed to clear your head and had to leave the country, when you never came back nor wrote me letters, and when i finally learned that you didn’t leave after all. now you’re all alone to go all through this. you’re hopeless. you’ll thank me for killing you right now.

we took the last plight of stairs. at the end of it was a door. you opened it as wind and water hit us cold in the face. you were limping as you walk across the roof top, wearing the same face against the strong wind and the down pour of water hitting us like bullets. i could now see blood trickling down your legs onto the floor diluted by puddles of water. the pain is unbearable i can see… this was where you’re heading.

a gush of blood and water… a cry from a baby’s mouth reached my ears… it was a boy. i would have loved my firstborn to be a boy. you knew that. but that’s all gone now. all things will soon end here… it has to end because this is just too much for me to bear. i shouldn’t have followed you here and killed you when i still had the guts…. the end is near…. any minute now.

and i watch you now. you are crying, heaving breaths, in pain. you are losing a lot of blood. i may not have to use this gun on you. too bad. and i stood there before you, when you moved your lips…

“look into my eyes…”

and then you’re gone. you died and my face was the last thing you saw… what the use of this gun is now. i think i’ll just have to use it one more time. besides, everything is bound to end here. fate is at my side…

no gunshot was heard except thunder and rain against tin roofs. it’s now 3:05 am. no one will bother to look outside. the streets were empty. no light to expose us. and you wearing that black dress…

our deaths were perfect… here on the ninth floor... here at the end of all things…