You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


1.10.08

the secret place


IT WAS MIDNIGHT and lucas was excited. he knew he was, because he couldn’t sleep, but stared blankly on the dark ceiling of his room instead, as he lay there on his four-poster bed, smiling. he felt stupid but he didn’t care. tonight, he would be the happiest boy on earth again…

he didn’t waste time. he got out of bed and put on his slippers. he didn’t bother to change his pajamas. there was no time to waste. she could be there, already waiting for him. he took the gasera and lit it with his trembling hands. he must be crazy for feeling nervous and excited at the same time. the warm glow of yellow light was welcoming, comforting against the darkness. this light will guide me to you…

he left the kubo and went to his destination, to their meeting place. he knew the path very well like how he remembered every inch of her face. it was not so long ago when he and lily discovered the place somewhere in the forest. as he walked on, he could feel the excitement tickle his insides. he could imagine his stupid smile illuminated by the lamp he held on his right hand. his left hand however was filled with freshly picked gumamela from his mother’s garden. he imagined her smile. the thought made him laugh and brought spring to his gait. he was nearly there. he could tell by the fireflies along the path… these lights will guide me to you…

he arrived at last. he walked straight to the acacia tree in the middle of the clearing. she hadn’t arrived yet. he decided to sit down under the tree. she would be here any minute now. he would be the happiest boy on earth again. how could he not be? he’s in love. he was just 10 but he knew in his heart that he is. no reason could explain it. he just knew. and tonight he would tell her the reason why he gives her a bouquet of flowers every time they meet there… at their meeting place… at their secret place…

lily and lucas were best friends ever since they gained awareness of the world. they did almost everything together, got into the same trouble together, and played every game together. their favorite game however was hide-and-seek. and tonight was perfect to play the game as he looked up to the cloudless night sky, spattered with stars and a full moon smiling down at him…

suddenly, he saw it. an orange glow from a distance. the light grew brighter and nearer. as she walked towards him, lucas’s world flashed before his eyes. she was her world. she was his future. he knew this as he felt the calm he was in. the galloping heartbeat was gone replaced by slow beating of hearts. he didn’t know what he was doing. he just stood up and walked towards her. she was so beautiful. her beauty was magnified by the light she was holding and the dark surroundings dotted with dancing fireflies. they were now face to face. he looked down at her with eyes of longing and innocence. he could clearly see the shy smile reflecting his own as he gave her the flowers… he was on the moon if not in heaven…

laughter broke the humming silence of the night. at that moment, lucas knew he was the happiest person on earth. he couldn’t ask for more. just being there with her as they walk across the clearing, towards the tree, his hand and soul intertwined with hers, gumamela petals in the air and lights swing back and forth in their hands…

they reached the tree at last and he positioned himself against the trunk, eyes closed, hands covering his eyes. he was laughing as he chanted the lines he could say forever as long as he’s there with her, within the refuge of their hiding place…

tagu-taguan maliwanag ang buwan.

pagkabilang kong tatlo nakatago na kayo.

isa… he could hear her laughing as she tried to hide. he was glad she’s happy.

dalawa… he would tell lily his feelings when he finds her…

tatlo… what would she say?

he turned around and let his eyes adjust to the scarce sources of light. he was so excited to find her. he was so excited to tell her. he couldn’t wipe the smile from his face when he started to search, carrying a lamp with him, casting long shadows of trees. he imagined her long wavy hair and jet black eyes somewhere behind the trees… come out, come out wherever you are…

an hour past. but he couldn’t find her. it appeared to lucas that lily was taking this game seriously. two hours passed. No lily. he was getting frustrated. sweat was salty on his skin. he was now having doubts. the smile flew away from his mouth, replaced by heavy breathing and tachycardia. another hour passed. he was losing hope and was getting anxious. for the first time in his life he felt scared. and morbid thoughts poisoned his mind like demons. ano na nangyari sa’yo? nasaan ka na? mahal kita… the dawn was coming. the first light of the sun painted the black sky with a violet hue. the air was filled with lily’s name. labas na, lily! panalo ka na! suko na ako! panic overcame him. he couldn’t find her. he was afraid. the shadows cast by the lamp he was holding became terrifying and the glow of fireflies appeared as nothing but mockery. he went back to the tree where came from. and as he sat on its roots, it hit him. she was gone. and using the last ounce of strength he could muster he bellowed to the winds the feelings he should’ve said when she was still there by his side… hoping the wind could find and whisper her his love…

it’s midnight again and still he couldn’t sleep. he got out of bed, lit the gasera, picked some gumamela, and strolled towards the place he knew so well. it’s been 10 years since lily left but still he never failed to come by the place. it was his hiding place. it was where he built his dreams with lily. their secret place. he finally arrived. nothing had changed except for piles of dead flowers that littered the ground and their names on the tree’s bark he carved 10 years ago. but tonight was somehow different…

before his eyes was a lady. he walked slowly towards the tree and touched the bark where he once hid his face, eyes closed.

boom. taya ka na, lily.

lily walked towards him and looked at him with eyes as black as the sky, tears flowing like diamonds against the light. she wrapped her arms around him, tight, like she wouldn’t let go. calm was upon him again with slow beating of his heart. he wanted to open his mouth to speak. His lips trembled. he wanted to tell her the words that should’ve been said years ago. his hand slackened as flowers fell to the ground just like the tears now on his eyes flowing down his cheeks..

the tears blurred his vision but he could still see the fireflies still mocking him.

pikit na, lily. ako naman, ang magtatago...


. . .


"And Hansel said to Gretel, 'Let us drop these breadcrumbs... so that together we find our way home. Because losing our way would be the most cruel of things.'
"


39 comments:

Chyng said...

OMG! All the scenes still flash as if 10 years hasnt passed by. Ang sad.

Mahusay Ron! Carried away na naman ako! ;)

boying said...

wow, ron!

RONeiluke, RN said...

chyng: thanks, chyng :) xa nga pala yung books na sinasabi ko...uhmm...they're not actually novels. they're just compilation of random thoughts, excerpts, and poetry. all about 'her' of course... kaya walang synopsis. hehehe!

boying: thanksfor the WOW, mate :)

REDLAN said...

uy looks interesting ton new post mo. kelangan ko mag take time. pagod ako ngayon sa byahe kaya bukas ko na lang babasahin ng buo para makapag concentrate at appreciate ko siya lalo.

ponCHONG said...

can't help but finish reading it.

napag-isip tuloy ako.

series ba to?

Myk2ts said...

babasahin ko to sa sabado. need to get some sleep. tata :)

Aris said...

this is so touching... and sad.

thejournicler said...

galing galing naman, so full of imagery.


medyo kinilabutan ako dun, hehe

JoShMaRie said...

HUHU!

na-TL ako sa pot mo. Tulo-Luha! Ang tragic naman!

Isan-libo at isang "thumbs-ups" para sayo. :)

rheiboy17 said...

napakamakata naman nito. para akong nanunuod ng sine.
lungkot.... romantic. hay, senti

REDLAN said...

heto na, heto na.

Maganda palagi yung intro. from one paragraph to another, gusto mo talagang ituloy.

lily, gumamela, lamp, fireflies, acacia tree- typical scenario in the hamlet. namiss ko tuloy ang probinsya.

hmmm, 10 years marunong na ma in love si lucas.

stars and moon... hide-and-seek. tagu-taguan sa ilalim ng buwan. alam mo ba na ang title ng private blog ko nun ay hide-and-seek at taguan sa ilalim ng buwan? kaso tsugi na siya ngayon. Ang latest private blog I created is for someone exclusively. Appreciation yun for a nicest person I knw.

lily, lucas, long wavy hair, jet black eyes, so typical and simple yet kewl. ano yung tachycardia? nosebleed ako ha.

20 years old na ngayon si lucas. kaw ilang taon ka na? joke.

wala ng natirang olympic key chain. huhuhu. pinamigay ko na. sorry.

keep blogging interesting things.

jeepneyJOYride said...

...lucas and lily??? mega-fusion ba ito ng harry potter and tree hill? I'd like to think of it more that way, kesa kay lucas and lily scott na mag-kapatid (0_o)...

...its great, luke; it's so gripping, from the blissful, hopeful beginning to your usual emo-ending, haay,=)...

...indie rock trip ko ngaun, thanks to a friend of mine, malapit na ko mag tinnitus dahil almost 9 hours ako naka-headset, hehe.=)...

...anyway, dame ko kwento, sana makapunta sa sunday.=)...

...i miss you, muah!...

jericho said...

teka lang..iyak lang ako saglit















ayan tapos na. :)

RONeiluke, RN said...

Ponchong: salamat naman at natapos mong basahin :) hehehe! hindi yun series. just a random thought... :)

peace out! kamusta na nga pala ang issue bout dun sa LHC. malapit ko na matapos A and D ulit. hehehe!

Myk2ts: thanks for visiting again :) nako sige pahinga ka at mag-chillax :)God Bless you...

Aris: maraming salamat :) thanks for reading :)

Journicler: thanks for visiting back at for taking time to read my post. i appreciate the compliment, mate :)

Joshmarie: maraming slamat pala dun sa isang libo't isang thumbs up. i'm glad you liked it :)

Rheiboy: thanks for the beautiful comment :) i appreciate it :)

Redlan: hamlet? Hehehe! I’m not really into classicals but I know its famous. Hays.. nakakamiss talaga ang probinsiya. Actually “love in the province” ang pumasok sa isip ko. Hehehe! naisip ko parang mas cool kung mga bata yung characters. let's not underestimate the power of young love. hehehe!

ahh...totoo pala yung sinabi ni st. charles na may private blog ka. isa lang sakin. ang hirap i-manage pag dalawa.hehehe!

tachycardia-heart rate more than 100 beats per minute? (tama ba? gosh. nakalawang na yata utak ko!)

hays..sayang naman T_T...

thanks for visiting again. :) i'll try to make things as interesting as possible. hehehe

haley: xempre incest story to! Hahaha! Ganyan kadumi ang utak ko pero second lang ako sayo! Hahaha!

Salamat sa pambobola! Bestfriend talaga kita! Ahahaha! Indie rock??? Does that inclue updharma down na wala akong maintidhang lyrics! Hahaha! Nakakatawa sila! I’m into DVD marathon. Smallville, greys, and desperate housewives 

I miss you too, hales. I’ll try to drop by your place this weekend. Mwah! I love you!

RONeiluke, RN said...

jericho: kamusta naman ang pag-iyak. thanks for taking time to read my emo post. hehehe! peace out!

joaqui_miguel said...

Nice. Very nice indeed! :)

alex said...

wow that's beautifully written, lucas? inspired from one tree hill ?? hehe nice i hope you write this one as a full blown novel patok to for sure ang daming emo sa paligid eh....

and you're now pr3! yay! bilis ah

KRIS JASPER said...

wow ron! pahaba ng pahaba...

anw, it's 2310hrs in here, and i need to be awake by 5am.

I have read what you wrote in my comments thingy... lol..

Well, guess what...

I've done the poem!

I hope I met your "standards". lol.

acey said...

hey, good literary stuff, ron.

Lance said...

akala ko horror story..heheh pero honestly it was a nice read.. nakakacarried away talaga.. naku, idol na talaga kita ron.. pwede mu na palitan si robin padilla sa pagiging Idol...hahaha
sorry nawala ako sa blogging for few days...

dabo said...

PLU is an acronym for "People Like Us," another label for homos

REDLAN said...

wow, bago ang header natin ah. galing!

RONeiluke, RN said...

Joaqui: thanks for visiting, mate :)

Alex: thanks for visiting and for the compliment. the names came from one tree hill but the story is entirely fictional. hehe! akala kasi nung iba ako si tlga si lucas. ehehe!

ahh.. yung PR. sinabi lang sakin ni redlan pero hindi ko parin magets maxado how it works... hehe!

KJ: hahaha! i knew it! dolaleeland and drugs. hehehe!

i must say you did a great job at this. and the lines were rhyming! never been patient in writing poems with rhymes. hehehe!

parang gusto ko tuloy magpunta sa dolaleeland. seems like a very cool place where everything is possible! hahaha!

That one was way beyond any standards! i could give you the nobel prize right now, if i could. hehe!

peace out!

Acey: thanks for the compliment ms acey:) i appreciate it :)

Lance: i'm planning to write horror stories dahil malapit na ang november! takutan na to! hahaha! thanks again, mate :) btw, didn't like robin padilla alot.. hehehe! maka robin ka pala! hahaha!

Dabo: ahh.. I see. Thanks 

GreenMangoes said...

ikaw sumulat nito?

panalo brad!

i've been reading books since 2004. most were foreign works. that's why i would know if a good piece is really a good piece.

may future ka sa writing!

the next F. Sionil Jose, perhaps? hehe!

---

naka relate ako e! tamang tama! love is all around me for the past months now.

thanks for visiting my blog as well!

REDLAN said...

maglagay ka ng feedjit sa site mo. dun mo malalaman kung sinu-sinu ang pumupunta sa blog mo mostly from google at makikita mo ang mga terms na niri-research nila at diretly sa blog mo ang bagsak nila. yun daw ang pr counts.

ang uniqueness sa header mo is may effort siya. tapos yung pirma original.

RONeiluke, RN said...

greenmangoes: wow... thanks for the comment. buti napagtiyagaan mo. nagrerelamo ang mga readers dito dahil mahahaba yung mga prose/emo posts ko. hehehe! F. Sionil? never hear but i assume he's a prolific writer. flattered naman ako! haha!

nako lalo na sa panahon ngayon na laging maulan at malamig--- asahan mo ng love is in the air and the emos rule the earth. hehehe!

peace out!

RONeiluke, RN said...

my feedjit ako... ayun, nandun nga yung mga pumupunta. hehe! cool! :)

thanks again, mate :) i'm glad that you liked it. yan trip ko lately lalo na nung madiscover ko kung pano paganahin yung scanner namin sa bahay. hehehe!

mukhang hindi ka busy ngayon ah...

God bless you :)

REDLAN said...

sipag mo naman magcomment. hehehe. double-double ang kopya. kahit di mo i-copy-paste dun sa comment box kasi bumabalik ako sa comment box mo dito para basahin ang replies mo. that's the strategy kapag nagre-reply ka ng comments.

nakaepoxy ngayun ang pwet ko sa upuan at nakapaste ang mata ko sa puter kaya ayan mukhang hindi busy-busyhan. pero kelangan ko ng kumain at matulog. salamat sa pag remind. lol

am looking forward to read your next post. di ba naka usb yan? hehehe.

keep blogging.

salingPUSA said...

I was touched, deeply touched. The setting reminds me of our house in Pangasinan. It's very remote that the nearest house is around 1,000 meters away in the South. In the north, you see nothing but intervals of open spaces and forests. There in the northern part is a forest and an acacia where me and my brother used to play. But we don't go there at night because it's very dark and there are rumors of magical creatures......

....your story touched me. It's just sad though coz I believe in happy endings.

Roland said...

ganda! ibang level na toh... hindi na pang-blog ang isinusulat mo... dapat isalin na ito sa libro... uyyy kunin mo kong staff mo ha? ...hehe.

more! more! more!

tinay patadyong said...

i am stirred and i bite. :D
thanks for writing this. you write with length but you never bore me. galing.


btw- you may want to join us here: http://sulongerotica.blogspot.com

ingat ron :)

the spool artist said...

Ron, I'm digging the new cool grungey header... and the writing as usual is amazing. I am a little tipsy when I read your post (I just found out may san mig light dito sa saigon, so nagpakasawa ako! hahaha) but your story truly knocked me off my senses.

Lance said...

@ron:
hahaha hindi ko idol si robin padilla.. diba idol naman talaga ang tawag sa kanya?? geezzz...
ikaw na sunod na BORDADO...hehe joke..
kamusta?

KRIS JASPER said...

hello ron! Jz dropd by 2 say hi.

FerBert said...

PAG NAKITA KITA LULUHOD TALAGA AKO SA HARAP MO AT ILALAGAY KO ANG PICTURE MO SA ALTAR!!!!

at oo all caps yan..

mrs.j said...

hmmm

nice

wish ako din kaya yan

RONeiluke, RN said...

Redlan: ahehe! sipag ba? i highly appreciate comments kasi. hehehe!

kamusta ang tulog mo? hehehe! thanks alot again. yung latest post ko po ay isang tag post. hehe! hope you like it. hehehe!

good night :)

salingpusa: thanks for your comment, mate :) i deeply appreciate it. yun nga ang naging inspirasyon ko. i was trying to remember the feeling of living a provincial life. taga-pangasinan din ako kaya nakakamiss... hehehe!

i tagged you nga pala :)

peace out!

Roland: salamat nga pala sa comment. i appreciate it. my condolences, mate T_T...

Tinay: wow... the site’s really cool. bigatin ang mga members. hehehe! hindi pa ako nakapagsulat ng 'erotica' but i'll tell you if i have made one bigay ko :)

thanks tinay! i tagged you nga pala! :)

spoolartist: thanks for the compliment, mate :) buti pala may san mig dyan sa saigon! Hehehe!

Lance: ahehehe..ganun ba? xenxa naman. nyak. hindi. hindi nga ako nanonood nun eh. hehe! ako ok lang... DVD marathon ang trip ko lately :)

KJ: hahaha! you don't want to collapse when you receive that award. we'd all be watching! woohooo!

thanks for dropping by. i posted mine already but i warn you, no drugs or flying fishes on it. hehehe! peace out!

Ferbert: salamat sa comment! hahaha! natawa ako! hahaha! peace out!

Mrs. J: thanks sa comment :) musta na?

onatdonuts said...

bakit kaya kumakabog ang dibdib ko habang binabasa ko to? galing! galing naman...

masyado na akong nadadala sa mga ginagawa mo..

napakahusay mong manunulat. Ipagpatuloy na yan!

Looking For The Source said...

ang creepy naman. kinilabutan ako.

and nakakasad..