You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


11.10.08

flash forward


IT WAS 1:35 PM. they stood there under a withering waiting shed, no idea that it will be the last time they’d look in each other’s eyes. they stood there waiting for a bus uncertain they’d want to board together. waiting for something they’re uncertain would come. waiting for something that would bring them back home. and deep inside, something told them it was not a bus they were waiting for…

as they wait, nothing became clearer except for each other’s faces. birds stayed perching on electric wires that vandalized the clear blue sky. the train high above them stopped, as well as the speeding vehicles that scarred the city roads. people that use to scurry around like busy ants seemed frozen under the scorching afternoon sun. the world seemed to have stopped around them. but this was not the first time this happened.

for a moment, they we’re once again sitting on a rock beside a river, as moonlight glowed mistily against a black night, disturbed by a monsoon rain. it was the first time his lips touched hers; the first time their souls intertwined in a melody of droplets of water against cascading waves of emotions, adorned by lightning, unthreatened by thunder. that was not an ordinary day. almost magical. and as they stood there under the shed, lucas knew this day is everything but ordinary.

lucas was looking at the same face made more beautiful by time, emphasized by black hair dancing on waves of polluted gush of smoky air. but he couldn’t see the smile anymore. all he could see was a pair of lips trembling in a desperate attempt to muffle the sound of a spirit in pain. that was the one thing time had successfully taken way from lily, conveniently replaced by tears. lucas could see them flowing before him and could swear hearing the silent cries that goes with it. they were not just salty water that her eyes ejaculated. lucas knew better. those were bottled misery and frustration, unspoken words and anesthetized agony. he blamed himself for it. for the second time in his life he felt scared as long shadows of trees came back to haunt him. for the second time, he became powerless. for the second time, the earth stood frozen underneath him. he wished the ground would swallow him this time and vanish into oblivion. unfortunately for him, the ground was indifferent.

lily looked at the face of the only man she loved. the man that carved her name on a tree. the one who used to give him bouquets of
gumamela. the man that she used to play hide-and-seek with under the moonlight. the man that bellowed his love for her in the cold winds. the one that had sung her songs, struggling to strike the right notes with his voice as deep as the sea. the man that had broken windows when she had closed the door in front of his face. time had made her love him more and more as each day pass. but the more he loved him, the more she felt the blade inching down deep within her. as she looked at her lover’s face, she had a hunch that he somehow reflected her face: trembling lips, tears flowing from his eyes, a look of longing with a dark twist of pain that made him wear an expression close to a grimace. she had no idea he was also reflecting her feelings. she had no idea and she would never now. this would be the last time they would see each other. she had no idea that it was the last time she would see that face she never failed to admire…

it was 1:35 pm and they stood there under the waiting shed waiting for something that wouldn’t come. lily was waiting for lucas’s arms to wrap around her. then everything would be fine. lucas on the other hand was waiting for lily to take a step closer. just one small step. just one move of her foot would be enough to make him leap, lunge toward her, and lock her in an embrace that would say he won’t let go, no matter what, even if staying means death. the world stood frozen watching in anticipation of what would happen next. senses were exponentiated to every movement. one was waiting for swinging arms the other for a step. but nothing came. nothing moved except for trembling lips, flowing tears, and resisting hearts...

the sun shone with rage, eager to dry everything up. even the shed couldn’t protect them from the heat, eager to peel everything away like the paint of the wall beside them. if the wall could only talk it would’ve said “cut the crap already!” but like everything else, nothing seemed to care about the couple standing face-to-face. to the couple however, nothing mattered except the person they’re standing opposite to, not knowing that the next move they would make would define the rest of their lives… their next move would define who they are…

it was still 1:35 pm. and they still stood there under the useless shade. but the world needed to move on and time was desperate to fly. suddenly the birds were able spread their wings again, the train accelerated and headed its way to the next station, traffic lights changed colors as vehicles speeded up, making images of blurred colors, and people started walking like zombies hungry for human flesh. in that hovering moment, they were each other’s worlds and now they’re back to reality.

a bus stopped in front them. they were waiting for something but a bus was not what they’re waiting for. a hug and a step—those were what they were waiting for. simple movements of limbs that would carry them home. simple gestures that would bring hope for another chance for their love. the bus conductor screamed his lungs out as people started heading for the doors. however, the couple didn’t move. alone with each other. but not for long.

lily took a step closer. lucas’ heart leapt. he was about to wrap her arms around her but she took another step. and another one. and another after that. he could’ve sworn he felt a shudder from her shoulder as it brushed his. head on a bow, she walked passed him, and then he understood. wide-eyed with tears still welling, lucas was rooted on the spot arms stretched as if to hug somebody that wasn’t there. lily walked away, hastily by the sound of her heels against concrete and whimpered sobs. these were the last sounds lucas had heard from her. he wiped the tears, heaved the deepest breath, and sighed. slowly, he walked towards the bus’ open doors, resisting the urge to look back.

the next move they would make would define the rest of their lives. as for lucas, the remaining 60 seconds of his life. what would’ve happened if he decided to hug lily instead of waiting for her to make a step? he had no idea that it was his last bus ride. he sat opposite to an old couple. the old man wraps the old woman in a hug, as she smells a bouquet of gumamela. a heartbeat passed, and suddenly he wanted to go. he wanted to run after lily. And he walked towards the door.

the next move they would make would define the rest of their lives. what would’ve happened if lily decided to hug lucas instead of waiting for him to hug her first? she had no idea she would be asking this question for the rest of her life.

however, lily had a glimpse of the life she would be living when she gave in to the urge to look back. it didn’t take long before she realized that she wouldn’t be hearing any out-of-tune love songs for a while… she would miss the deep voice as deep as the sea, as deep as the love, and as deep as the blade now cutting pass her heart. the love of her life was on his last bus ride, she thought, as flames and black smoke danced, reflected on her glassy eyes…




since flash-forwards are becoming rampant in tv series (i.e. lost, one tree hill and desperate housewives), i decided to continue the love story of lucas and lily, 5 years after they last met. yeah. very tragic. and i love tragedies.

28 comments:

st. charles said...

hey mate. lmao. hindi ko story yon. silly! lmao. alila lang ako na magsulat ng post at magsulat ng storya ng iba. si red nagbabakasyon overnight kaya to the rescue ang alila nyahaha.

sobrang haba to the pepsi max naman ng post mo. isang araw mo ba yan sinusulat. sipag mo naman pare. ngayon ko lang nalaman na ang mata ay nag-ejaculate rin. sobrang lalim. luca at lily. ron lucas ba ang totoo mong pangalan. isang chapter ba tong storya mo? ibinoto kita para sa kaibigan ko. as usual alila lang naman ako. masakit sa lungs.

RONeiluke, RN said...

ahehehe! ganun ba? i am so sorry... ahehehe! so sino tong si savien? si red ba yun? ahehehe!

hindi naman buong araw. buong magdamag lang. hehe! nagsusulat ako kapag hindi ako makatulog. hindi po ron lucas tunay kong pangalan. the name was derived from my fave tv series, lucas scott of one tree hill.

good luck na lang sa lungs...

i am sorry again :)

st. charles said...

IT'S OKAY. Next tym.... Tanungin mo si rod pagbalik niya. Sa Pagbasa ko somewhere europe si savien. Ako kaya nag encode. Lucas scott na ang itatawag ko sau.

JoShMaRie said...

aw! bakit ganun?

lagi mo akong pinapaiyak?

hehe! nice! nice! nice! :)

KRIS JASPER said...

I wanted to cry but I cant cry.

You know I have killed my soul in 2004.

So I'll just say "sad..." and type the word "cry".


Advice: compile your stories and sell them!

Lance said...

amazing how you could write a pretty long post for just that single moment in the lives of lilly and lucas.. darn.. getting hooked to the characters..hehe

FerBert said...

oi kung magkakalibro ka isama mo ko sa dedication ah.. haha

RONeiluke, RN said...

Joshmarie:
salamat sa comment... :) buti nagustuhan mo :)

KJ: what happened in 2004 again? sure! i'll sign a copy for you. hehehe!

Lance: thanks, mate. but i think tkis would be te last time we'd be reading then...

peace out! :)

ferbert: ahehe! Sige ba. Ayun eh kung makakapagsulat ako ng libro 

St. charles: then lucas scott it is 

alex said...

wow continuation!

but yeah tragic! emong emo!

eli said...

iba ang 'karakas' mo sa pagsulat! ang haba pero maayos. minsan magrequest ako sa yo.may pasusulat ako kung pwede! hehe. salamat

--------------
out of topic:alam mo, may time rin na takot akong gumamit ng kulay. noong panahong madidilim ang paintings ko ay takot akong gumamit ng masasaya o maliliwanag na kulay dahil pakiramdam ko, hindi babagay. gang sa diko namalayan, makukulay na ang gawa ko..kelan lang...kase makulay na ang buhay ko! hehe. sabi nila nasa personality daw. reflection daw minsan ng artist ang mga gawa niya.

Myk2ts said...

ron: hahaha mahahawa ka din, mamaya maya lang. minsan talaga salbabida hanap ko para makaahon sa lalim ng thoughts. parang si Pablo Neruda ang kaharap ko minsan eh. haha nga pala, one way lang yun kaya di ko na lang sineseryoso. ayoko na ng masaktan :P

--

oo congrats na agad. alam kong mananalo ka. pag nanalo ka treat ka namin :)

Myk2ts said...

onga isali mo din ako sa mga binabati ng mga manunulat ",

KRIS JASPER said...

Somebody very close and dear to me died in 2004. My soul was buried with her.

Reyn said...

Ron! bonding na tayo! Sa katapusan??!! Ano??

salingPUSA said...

mate---out of the topic question muna----dipako nakapagbasa e.....where u study?

salingPUSA said...

Uo nga----compile them and sell em----nice advice kris. Take it from him RON

Looking For The Source said...

nice.

you got my vote.

RONeiluke, RN said...

Alex: yep, I’m a man of tragedies :)

Myk2ts: ayaw mo ng masaktan? natural lang yun na we tend to reinforce our walls when hurt. but don't lose hope that mr. right will come...

ang sweet naman... nakakahiya. but thanks for the offer :)

KJ: ahh... i see. i am so sorry. but life must go on, i guess.

T_T

Reyn: I can’t. I have a Halloween party to attend to . Sorry but thanks!

Saling pusa: I’m not sure if these will sell but I’ll definitely compile my pieces. Someday  I graduated here in Laguna. UPH-Dr. Jose G. Tamayo Medical University.

RONeiluke, RN said...

sure, mate :) magrequest ka lang. besides nawawalan na ako ng pwedeng i-post. hehehe!

---

talaga? so dark pala dati ang mga paintings mo? good for you the bright colors came back into your life :) an artist's art is the artist himself. same usually gors with writing... hehehe!

~Kinesics said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RONeiluke, RN said...

thanks, man :)

yeah that's really funny! the thought of being friends with X's is a feat almost unacceptable. hehehe! but good for you that you are able to leave a reletionship and retain something very basic yet very significant also--friendship. it's better to gain friends than enemies--very right. i dunno, some breakups are just so bitter there's almost no way to pick up the pieces of the bond you have created with them. not friends. not enemies. just strangers i guess...

thanks for dropping by:)

REDLAN said...

Medyo napagod kaya ngayon lang ako nakapag update at nakadaan dito. musta na?

wanderingcommuter said...

haaayyy, i wouldn't suggest this to anyone kapag its rainy sunday afternoon... haaayyy...

kendi said...

you remind me of how i wrote a few articles then, bearing the cliche "but i write most profoundly when i'm sad".

great read. it's hard to find men who can write these days. ;)

KRIS JASPER said...

I have moved on... a walking wrecked physical being without a soul. (uy ang ganda, magamit nga yan sa next post ko)

:)

RONeiluke, RN said...

Kendi: hey, ms. candy. it's really cool na napadpad ka sa yungib ko. but anyway thanks for the compliments. and you're right. words are overflowing when i'm glum. hehehe!

nakakatuwa naman at ang dami pala na nating similarities. makes, the 15 weird things just common. ahehehe!

you write really well. and your vocabulary is way beyond my understanding. ahehehe! dalawang beses ko pa talaga xa binasa. ahehe! uhmm... are you a visual artist?

Redlan: sige pahinga ka lang dyan. Chillax lang din ako dito 

Wandering commuter: tama ka dyan. Bawal mga emotionally unstable sa site ko, and yet I’m the author! Hehehe!

KJ: ang lupit nga, mate! Hehehe! Bagay na bagay sa next post mo. Hehehe!

tinay patadyong said...

can i say i hate you?haha. you write spurs. aack. :D ron, you may want to create an account in deviant art. there, writers can critique your work and it's also another space you can tread that would make you find beauty with the littlest words. :)

if emoness is as worth the time like this and yours, call emo and send me all the eyeliners. :D

great read.

RONeiluke, RN said...

what are spurs? medical lang ang alam kong definition nun eh. hehehe! and can i say IHATE YOU too! hehehe!

i know deviant art. mga artista talaga ang nandun. bigatin. hehe! i'll try mo make an account :) thanks for the tip.

i don't wear eyeliners! hahaha!