the dream

YOU ARE A DREAM. how did i know? i know because every time i touch you i couldn’t feel a thing. that white skin sure looks so soft. how unfortunate i couldn’t feel it. you are a dream because everytime my lips touch that curve on your neck, i couldn’t feel any sensation. everytime i lean on your breasts, i couldn’t hear a heartbeat. but you’re not dead because i could hear your slow breathing. because i hear your soft voice. because i feel your presence. but not you.

perhaps you’re a ghost? that’s not likely either. you’re not a ghost because you’re beautiful and ghosts are scary. i am afraid of ghosts but i am not afraid of you. i am drawn to you, actually. well, if you’re a beautiful ghost, could you haunt me forever? but you’re not a ghost. ghosts glide and you walk with your feet touching the ground. you just walk so slow. and that’s one thing i like about you. when i walk with you in such slow pace, the world seems to slow down too. i see everything. every blink, every step. i feel everything thing, your presence, but not you.

if you’re not dead, and you’re not a ghost then what are you? perhaps you’re an angel. but i thought angels have wings and have that circular thing hovering on their heads. angel or not, but being here with you…i am definitely in heaven right now. i could kiss those lips a thousand times. i mean what kind of being own that kind of lips? they’re so perfect. if i could only kiss and actually feel them. but i can’t. i can’t do anything but just look, bite my own lips instead… and sigh.

so what are you? who are you? you are dream. that’s the only explanation. you’re here in the sense that i can feel you’re presence, but in reality you’re just so far from me. you’re a dream because i am unbelievably happy. crazy happy. like i-could-die-right-now happy. and in the real world no such thing exists. no such feeling could survive in a world full of misery, and of hopelessness, and hate. true love is a hoax, the same goes with true happiness. people only pretend to be in love. people pretend to be happy but in the back of their heads, the same question troubles their soul. they’re not happy. i feel happy and make you make me happy. but happiness doesn’t exist in my world that’s why you’re a dream. you are dream and this is your world. this place is much better than anywhere else. i don’t want to wake up anymore… don’t pinch me okay? i want to stay here.

i love your world. because here, i am able to love and be loved back in return. you love me, right? i want to live here with you. i don’t want to go back because here, i have someone to write me poems, love letters, and someone who sings me cheesy love songs. who watches me sleep and who hugs me from the back. someone who laughs at my corny jokes and cooks me my favorite spaghetti for dinner. who waits for me when i work late, and doesn’t sleep till i get home. who writes me books and give them as presents for my birthday. who whispers my name in the winds and prays that i would be always safe. no one in the real world does these things to me. i want to live in your world because you live in it. i want this world to be my world too.

you’re not a ghost. you’re not dead either. you’re just not real. and in spite of the i-could-die-right-now happiness, i feel terribly sad because any moment now i’ll wake up from all of this. i will wake up on my bed hugging my pillow pretending it’s you. i’ll wake up with a heavy heart and the sun will lick my face and my bug-infested bed will stop me from moving a muscle.

you’re a dream. that’s why i can’t be with you as much as i want to. as much as i wanted to be in wonderland, i couldn’t beat the fact that i have to live in this freaking reality. this is my world not yours. and as much as you want to live here, you just can’t. fantasies do not survive here. sad but soon i will wake up. and as i close my eyes from your dream, i’ll open my eyes to my nightmare. i’ll open my eyes as i lie in my bed, nothing to do but hug my pillow, close my eyes so hard, whisper your one-syllable name, in the hope that i’ll dream of you again…

...

"Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real, when you woke up you didn't know what to believe? What would you do if what you thought was true wasn't? And what you thought wasn't true was? Would you retreat into your dreams with the hope of finding a more perfect reality? Sometimes life is stranger than a dream. And the only way to wake up is to face what lies hidden in your soul. And you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection, that you are not alone..."

--Lucas Scott, One Tree Hill