You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...

-Walt Whitman



I am really happy for you. I really am. Although, I have to admit, a secret place where I have kept you all this time is collapsing in itself, and for the first time, I was able to step beyond the line which you have drawn, and which I should have crossed a long time ago. And now, all I have is the memory of you-the faint tug on my sleeve, the fleeting sensation between my lips and your face, your hand in my clammy hands, your name resounding and fading through and back the thin sheet of rain, the fantasy hanging on my wall set in waves of water-washed colors.

I may not be able to convince you, because this is a truth embedded beneath the deepest limits of my consciousness, so out of reach like a  memory of a dream fading into the distance.  Even I cannot summon a smile to convince myself that what I am saying is true.  But I know it is, because in the end, the thought of you having found happiness is all what matters to me. You have wandered beyond and away from the divide we have made for each other. I pray I would have the heart to do the same. You will always be my first love, because even if I get lost to the ends of the earth, or whoever I meet, to love is to remember you and your subtlest ways that opened a window to true, innocent, and pure happiness.

Thank you for such a beautiful gift.



ELAY said...

"people leave and sometimes they come back... but not really. they're just there inflicting pain from withered scars of the past, searing to the present."

eto ung sinabi mo sakin dati kuya dun sa isa sa mga posts ko. nawa'y maging okay ka na :)

Anonymous said...

there is great happiness awaiting ahead that will astound us to say to our past loves, "did i just fell for those?"

lucas said...

What do you mean, anonymous? Please expound. I'm curious of what you're trying to say.