dark blue

Break the goodbye,

Strip the lie

That satisfies the doubts

Pulsating on my hands,

In my heart,

Drumming for truths it lacked;

Contracts for facts

It will seek but will not find—

A bent fate, curled unkind.



Time swings back

And forth then back to you;

Wielding light, breathing fire

In a world dark blue of memoirs

That you slice;

A piece spliced with yours

Then flies out the window,

To where I’ll never know.



Will you follow?

Leave the shallows of the heart?

Say yes.

For I am drawn, drowned

Down to the bottom;

Dry mouth slacked for rain

From the clouds you bring;

Casting shadows,

Silver lining into my soul,

Fire ablaze in a heart,

Digging roots burning deep

Down to the bones

So long alone.



Fracture the lies

And goodbyes then fly

To graze the sky—

Borderless and infinite.

When I knock on your door

Drop the weeds on the floor,

Open up and take flight

With me into the night

As twined hands fight the unknown,

And brave closed doors for love—

A truth that sets us free

Blinding all reason, our eyes

And in the end, to see.

american idol season 9: top 16

AI’s TOP 16 delivered their performances and America has spoken. Apparently, they didn’t much like Alex Lambert, Lily Scott, Katelyn Epperly, and Todrick Hall. For Katelyn, it was all about bad song choice. Todrick went Glee-ish and wow-ed the judges but he lacked charisma I thought. As expected, America is not yet ready for Lily’s unique music. But what I’m really disappointed about the results was that Alex got cut. Well, he probably deserved to go home, but Tim Urban should’ve been the one on the chopping board this week. I just couldn’t stand his cutesy performance! Anyway it was a sorry loss for Alex because I like the Ray Lamontagne vibe in him. I mean he got the tone and the potential to be a good folk artist but the lack of experience really got the good of him. But then again, the folk artists, I believe won’t win the competition. American Idol is about mainstream-popular music.

I think the guys really stepped up this week, because there was no “complete and utter mess’’ heard from Simon. Lee’s rendition of Fireflies was good but a little off with some notes. Tim Urban did well on performing Hallelujah but still corny and annoying for me. I love Andrew Garcia’s Genie in a Bottle. I really think he’s one of the genuine artists in the competition. I really hope the judges could move on from that Paula song he did on Hollywood. I think it maybe clouding their judgement a little. Aaron Kelly—I still couldn’t stop comparing him to David Archuleta. He’s charismatic but he lacked the technique unlike Archie. It’s really obvious that he’d do well with country. His phrasing with songs practically screams Rascal Flatts. Honesty is what made Casey James’ performance this week but he’s becoming a little bit predictable in my opinion. I’d like to hear him sing some Jack Savoretti. Big Mike’s obviously a crowd favourite. He’s good but I’m not really into RnB lately. Hehe!

Based on the girls’ performance this week, I’d say Paige Miles gave the weakest if not the most tragic. Everything was just wrong; the arrangement, the notes, her stage presence. It’s really uncomfortable when you watch someone and know that they’re losing it on the spot. Katie Steven on the other hand is really talented and very commercial but, just like the judges have been saying for 3 weeks in a row, she’s confused as to what kind of artist she wanted herself to be. The two contestants that are starting to grow on me are Lacey Brown and Didi Benami. They could be potential folk artists with the way they’re singing. They utilize the same technique and I could see them doing some Michelle Featherstone. Crystal Bowersox is the one to beat. Give her a guitar, a harmonica and a Tracy Chapman song—Tsk. She’d nail it. She’s a pure talent.

The Final 12 performances start next week featuring songs from the Rolling Stones. (I don’t know any of them. Hehe!) Ciao!

on idol so far...

Since American Idol Season 9 aired last January, I haven’t missed a single episode. Because just like Ryan Seacrest had said: the beauty of Idol is in the journey; from witnessing humble beginnings to being a part of incredible triumphs. I think it’s going to be a good season this year. There are so many promising and diverse talents. As of now there is no clear front runners compared to last season which makes it so much interesting. American Idol thrives in unpredictability and the element of surprise. Some may disagree but I’d really like Idol to continue for a few more years. The search for talent and the discovery of new artists have always been the primary reasons why I look forward to watch Idol every year. During the auditions prior to Hollywood Week, I got a lot of early favorites and fortunately, most of them successfully qualified to the final 24. But a few didn’t make the cut: Angela Martin, a single mom. It was her 3^rd time to join Idol and I felt for her when she was sent home. Also, there is J.B. Ahfua from Hawaii. He is a returnee from last season but he’s really good. And of course, the singing policeman. I forgot his name but his voice is really stuck in my ears.

I think, so far, the guys are stronger than the gals. My current favorites are Alex Lambert (He was so nervous on the first week but came back strongly with that John Legend song. I love his James Morrison tone! I’d kill for that.), Aaron Kelly (He is a David Archuleta in the making.), Lee Dewyze (I loved his Chasing Cars cover but the Hinder song, not so much.), Andrew Garcia (This guy is very talented but song choice has been a problem for him. And I think he should stick with his guitar.), and Casey James (He’s good but he doesn’t have the pipes to nail a Gavin Degraw. But he’s definitely rockin’ the guitar!).

In the girl’s roster, my ears are on to Crystal Bowersox (She is just purely talented. Period.), Katelyn Epperly (I was moved by her rendition of The Scientist. It was very haunting but I have to agree that the tempo was so slow.) and Lily Scott (I like the indie vibe. I really wish people would root for her because I think people don’t listen to the kind of music she makes.) One of the girls that really stood out for me because of her talent and personality was Haeley Vaughn. I felt bad that she was sent off last week. She is musically talented but I think the lack of modulation in her voice probably brought by young age weighed her performance down. I’d love to see her again hopefully next year.

These favorites may change through the course of the competition. Talent is given but they have to be consistent. Let’s have Danny Gokey for example. Everyone thought he would end up in the finals but he suddenly went safe by the end of the semis, where Kris Allen peaked at the right time while Adam performed consistently.

I think I’m going to post a weekly AI review from now on. I can’t wait till Wednesday. Ciao!

bored in wonderland like crazy

HALEY AND I decided to brave Wonderland yesterday afternoon and got out of it disappointed. It was really hard at first to conclude that it was shallow because it would mean wasting 500 pesos. The storyline was very simple and absolutely unoriginal. Even the supposedly mind-blowing 3D visuals could not make up for the film’s ridiculously simple plot. I have grown loving Tim Burton’s movies but this is just a flop for me.

But something good really came out of it. Well, I get to hang out with my bestfriend again after three or four months? Plus I get to finally meet his boyfriend. It was kind of awkward meeting him because I don’t know how to break the ice. Well, first, he’s a Korean and second, I’m not sure if I could converse in straight English without having nosebleeds.

A funny thing happened when we got out of the cinema. We chanced upon our closest college friends: Neen, Jesha, Steph, Mitchy, and Shane. Apparently, they have fallen victim to the I Miss You Like Crazy hype. After a brief catching up and cam whoring, Haley and I departed from the group. As we walked on, Haley remembered our food stubs from purchasing Alice in Wonderland tickets. We decided to go back and claim our popcorns and drinks hoping they could fill the void inflicted by the movie. It happened that food stubs are also exchanged in the Snack Section of Cinema 2, showing I Miss You Like Crazy. We presented our stubs to the guard and he let us pass WITHOUT CHECKING. He didn’t even ask if we have tickets for the movie or we haven’t. We lined up for the counter. It was taking so long. The guard was kind of preoccupied checking the line for the movie. It only took us one mischievous look to each other to know that we were about to do something really bad. I motioned for the door behind me and Haley followed.

We soon joined our college friends on the balcony. Both of us, felt a little paranoid and a little proud of our mischief. For a person who almost always plays by the rules, it was really something new and fun. :P I was enjoying the movie actually. Bea’s fake laughs, John Lloyd corny dialogue, and the people clapping to the cheesy scenes really made it fun for me and Hales. Hehe!

But after thirty or so minutes, we decided to go. We bid our goodbyes to the group, dodge the guard at the entrance, and meet up with Hales' boyfriend. I soon said my goodbyes to both of them and Hales said in crisp Tagalog with eyes full of warning:

“Huwag mo akong hahalikan!”

I gawked at the giant beside her and said to myself: Point well taken. I want my popcorn!!!

closed doors and undecided hearts

“There are things that are known and things that are unknown and in between there are doors.”

–William Blake

IF THERE'S ANYONE OUT THERE who could hear my thoughts, I urge you to come forth. Read them to me for I have lost the ability to make sense of the things bouncing within the walls of my skull. What torment is worse than the struggle with your own mind? What’s more wretched than to fall victim to your own thoughts? The more I think, the farther I pull away from the answers and pushed nearer towards the inevitable loss. Is there greater tragedy than to be eaten by reason in trying to win a war in the battlefield of the heart? But I know risking an open war is the only good choice I have and evasion will just send me directly into the pit of defeat.

Fear is scouting by my doorstep, knocking on my door like a friendly neighbor, with a knife at the ready. A step outside these walls would be a stab to the heart or a slit to my throat. Should I risk it? Should I let it in and lock it in my arms like a long lost friend, when in fact it is no more than a stranger; nameless, dark, and mischievous as the night?

Snapshots flash before my eyes. As fast as lightning they came and left like thunder, sending rumbling echoes into the still air—ghosts in my head, hungry zombies drooling at my feet. It is strange to find comfort in the chaos of it all; in the randomness of things and in the disorientation to what was, what is, and what will be. This limbo is a fortress and a prison at the same time. In here time has no wings. This is a place where all streets that leads to nowhere end. This was a sanctuary for me once but the pleasure of floating into nothingness had faded like ecstasy swimming in drugged veins. And what was left was the urge to feel warmth, to scour the ever shaded world for a hint of light, and to find anything that could fracture the absolute silence buzzing its usual boring melody.

As I say this, my hand grasps the latch. On the other side of the door is the love of my life and my greatest fear. Should I open the door? It’s interesting how indecision could turn someone into an empty shell—hollow, brittle, fragile. My brain is cramping with too many thoughts and yet there is only one choice to make: either to lock the door or turn the knob I am grasping with my clammy hand. But whatever I choose to do, one thing is certain—I will break…

…exactly how I broke your heart…