You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


11.6.09

the fallen star


WHEN MY EYES OPENED, I couldn’t see anything but stars—jewels craftily scattered on the dark canvas of the evening sky. To the common eye, they would appear to have arranged themselves in random, but to the faithful it is the ultimate form of artistry—perfect and divine. The more I gazed upon them, hanging on that black ceiling above me, the more it became hard to fathom the fact that they are actually lifetimes away, barely sitting at the edge of the universe. When I was a kid, I actually thought I could reach them by hand—a belief that was almost taken away from me by time. God had indeed stretched out the heavens.

For a moment, I forgot where I was. I could hear myself silently breathing the cool air that teased the locks of my hair. Every blade of grass underneath me sent tickles of sensation on my skin. Lying on that open field made me wonder how I must have looked like from above. I felt insignificant compared to the beauty that surrounded me. I felt so small. But everything was designed flawlessly. I have a theory that God made us small for us to appreciate and acknowledge the things bigger ourselves especially those beyond our fallible minds alone could never understand.

I then heard the crisp sound of breaking grass beside me. I suddenly remembered that I was not alone. We lazed under the majesty of the night dissimilated against the green grass and shadows of trees.

“You fell asleep.” She teased.

“Did I?” I said trying to sound ignorant.

“Yes, you did. Actually I was torn between laughing and waking you up when the snoring began.” She laughed.

“I don’t snore!” And I reached out to ruffle her hair. It is one those rare moments when happiness overflows that you just have to laugh it out.

A sporadic silence rang out, and we sighed at the same time, chuckled, sighed again, and then silence once more. The next moment settled and then lingered for more than a moment.

“Tell me something I don’t know.”
She said. There was always something in her voice that was just anesthetizing to the soul. I always felt like I had to stay close or else I would forget how to breathe.

“I snore. Oh wait. You already know that.” I teased back.

“I’m trying to be serious.” And I could tell she was by the way her eyes rolled on their sockets and the crinkle on her nose.

I sat up and wore my shoes off. The grass felt good against the soles of my tired feet. I surprised myself when I inched closer and lied down beside her. I took her hand in mine. And with heads conjoined, we pointed to the spectacle above us.

“That star, the blue one—that’s Rigel. That’s one of the youngest stars. And that one diagonally opposite it, the red one—it’s Betelgeuse, and unlike Rigel, it’s dying. These three stars, here, that’s the three kings. And if you connect them to this, this, and this, it will form the Hunter constellation, most commonly known as Orion.” I explained, my hand slightly trembling on hers. We were so close that my heart soared and pounded against my chest. But I knew I had to inch away and let go of her hand. And I did. I can point to a billion stars forever with her, I thought.

“Woah. You really paid attention to your Astronomy class, didn’t you? Impressive.” She mused, a shy smile etched on her ever beautiful face.

“When I was kid I used to lie on our rooftop at night and find stars and constellations I’ve read from books. Geeky perhaps, but yes. I wanted to be an astronomer. Back then I actually thought stars were within my reach.”
My eyes once again grazed the heavens. “But time changes things, including dreams. And because in truth, we change too.”

“So what have become of that dream?” She asked, her eyes squinting towards the skies, as if reading illegible letters she alone could see.

“Do you believe in fate? I have so many dreams. And I have come to understand that I can’t fulfill them all. But sometimes, destiny would just knock on your door and give you a gift; the one you once dreamed of having and you thought was lost forever.” I looked in her eyes ever wanting to get lost in the heaven behind them.

“Yes. I think I do.” She raised her hand, moving a finger in the air as if writing a name. “Life is a big box of surprises.”

Quiescence crawled away with time, and clouds eventually covered the twinkling celestial bodies that adorned the black sky. Thunder and lightning flaunted their power against the thick downpour of rain. Strangely, we still chose stay there, as the earth beneath the bed of grass where we laid turned into mud, silently enjoying the rain on our faces and basking in the moment like little rascals. She suddenly stood up, her eyes flinching to the water spattering on her face.

“Let’s dance.” She bellowed against the noise, beaming.

I stood up facing her, bowed in courtesy and offered a hand, never looking away from her gaze. And the moment her hand landed on mine, we began waltzing under the rain, endlessly laughing at our own folly. We knew it didn’t make sense, but we didn’t care. We twisted and turned, disturbing the puddles of mud that stained our feet and clothes. It was the first time in ages that I enjoyed the rain. I felt like I had gone back in time to the young days when I used to live a carefree-life. I was a kid once more and old dreams just came flooding back.

I once dreamed of reaching for the stars. But the innocence of my youth failed me to understand that you should not reach for them, not that it’s impossible, but because sometimes, when destiny calls, one of those billion stars will just fall from the heavens and land straight to your hand.






45 comments:

Dhianz said...

love it... wow... isa itoh sa pinakamagandang kakainlab na sinulat moh... ganda nang pagkasulat.. u r really one talented great writer... ingatz lagi.. Godbles! -di

REDLAN said...

Holiday bukas! Yehey!!! Teka, hmmmm marami akong assignment. Ito nga ang isa pini-print ko. hehehe. Babalik dito after matapos basahin. Enjoy the holiday!

jei said...

"you should not reach for them, not that it’s impossible, but because sometimes, when destiny calls, one of those billion stars will just fall from the heavens and land straight to your hand"

I experienced that and in my case, it's not only one but two stars landed in my hands...it's my son and daughter. Everybody thought I could not bear a child but here I am, a mother of two. They're my precious gems.

You're a hopeless romantic
lucas, 100%.

fufu said...

wow a nice written romantic essay... i love reading through you know? erm i wish i know the constellation...

anyway wish i could enjoy the stargazer on the prairie in inner mongolia =p then tell you guys my story... bet wont be as interesting as yours

ACRYLIQUE said...

I wanna quote Robin Williams in the movie Jack-

"And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night, and when a shooting star streaks through the blackness turning night into day, make a wish and think of me."

ShatterShards said...

Rigel and Betelgeuse, and the Girlde of Orion... I miss looking at the stars. Unfortunately, not much of them is visible in the Makati skyline, as the smog and the lights have dimmed them from view.

I, too, once dreamed of becoming an astronomer, but that dream was easily snuffed out, for I found other things that interest me other than the stars. Or maybe, I just didn't find much use for it.

Still, one can't help but long to go back to those simplier times. Who knows, maybe someday, I would once again be able to navigate the stars. And maybe, this time, I'd be able to keep it in my grasp.

You're really something, Ron, once again, you've made me nostalgic.

Najua Scribbles said...

And most of the time, we overlook the small ones when we should be thinking that they are stars all the same.

Very nice post!

Love the last paragraph! :)

jonathan said...

I always look up and say that there will always be one star for me amongst those billions out there. It might not be the brightest and the most precious but it is something that will give us something to live for.

Also, I have not danced under the rain but I have stayed under to let my tears be washed away. Fiction or not, this entry is breathing life.

lucas said...

dhianz: thanks, di :D ingat ka rin lagi ha? God bless you too :)

red: oo nga eh! magenjoy ka rin! anong balak mo bukas? sarap magchillax...lalo na kaw. busy ka lagi eh..hehe! peace out!

jei: wow! i didn't know you're a mom! belated mother's day, jei :) having a son or a daughter is a miracle. You are so blessed and your family is too for having you...

Thanks, jei. God bless you. Regards sa kanilang dalawa :)

fufu: thanks, fufu!

i've never been to mongolia...but anyhow i'll wait for your post about it :D

Orion is pretty easy to spot in the night sky. just look for the three stars that forms a line...it's Orion's belt. hehe!

acrylique: what a beautiful line! thanks for sharing. i haven't seen that movie by Robin Williams...thanks for the drop :)

shatts: yeah..that's one of the disadvantages of living in the city.

pareho pala tayo. i'm always fascinated by the stars esp when i was a kid. pero kahit ngayon it's still nice to look at them. it somehow brings me back to the young days when everything is so much simpler...

thanks, again :) well, i'm always nostalgic.

najua: thanks for leaving your two cents, mate :)

jon: there are a billion stars out there, and sometimes all you need is one :) and who might that one be? hmmm... hehehe! :P

thanks, jon :) God bless you and your students this year :)

ACRYLIQUE said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ACRYLIQUE said...

Jack is not one of the best movies i saw but it's a feel good one. I just fell in love with the line the moment i heard it. :)

ShatterShards said...

Orion is pretty easy to spot in the night sky. just look for the three stars that forms a line...it's Orion's belt

Let me correct you, Ron, but unfortunately, it would be hard for @fufu to spot Orion in Mongolia. It's a tropical constellation, and as such, isn't visible in the Northern Hemisphere.

Just an fyi, from one frustrated astronomer to the next. ;-)

Chyng said...

Ang romantic! Ina ka Ron. for sure wlang moment na di kinikilig si Hailey sayo.

Share ka naman ng dates nyo. ;)

kokoi said...

to be honest, i have a fear of looking up in the sky specially at night. tuwing titingin ako e naiisip ko na pwede akong mahulog pataas at never na akong mahahanapan. i know gravity and stuff pero ewan takot pa rin ako.

pero lam mo, the way this post has been written made my fear somehow diminished. the details made me feel like i'm really there. :)

this entry should get copyrighted.

(i wrote copywritten at first, got confused there! hehe)

Theo Martin said...

Lucas, I'm feeling insecure with the way you write. I constantly feel like Sylar wanting to snatch your writing powers. hehe. you transported me to a place where you intend your readers to go to--to see, feel and imagine.

Always, and by that I mean, forever a fan of your work,

THEO

Dhianz said...

sige dalhin koh na ren ditoh 'ung reply koh sau... =)

to Great Writer Ron: oo nga 'ung sau ang swit! kakainlab... haba nang reply moh saken... eh kc ang haba ren naman kc nang komentz koh sau don sa latest entry moh...lolz.. inaantokz na kc akoh non eh.. 'un yata 'ung huling binasa koh bago akoh mag-offline... tlgah naman... naaliw akoh sa mga sinusulat moh always... nasspeechless akoh madalas sa sobrang galing moh magsulat... ingatz! =)

Elay said...

"you should not reach for them, not that it’s impossible, but because sometimes, when destiny calls, one of those billion stars will just fall from the heavens and land straight to your hand"

pang teleserye..!!!!!!! WINEEER!!!

eli said...

the imposible dream. to reach the unreachable star! love comes in an unexpected time and place. just wait for it.


whew, very romantic.

- A n g e l - said...

Stargazing and dancing under the rain = perfect.

Yes, you are a hopeless romantic. ; ) Take care!

REDLAN said...

Another great story. walang patayan. This story showed how the global environment changes dramatically each day. hehehe. sarap magjoin sa star gazing at paliligo sa ulan.

KRIS JASPER said...

Something has pumped faster, I just realized that I have a heart after reading this post.

ShatterShards said...

True, the stars are always nice to look at, especially when you're lying on a secluded beach, and you see a whole array of stars blanketing you, while in the distance, the waves are lulling you to sleep. It just feels so safe and relaxing...

Brent a.k.a. yourkidatheart said...

Haaaay... youth and love...
May we have them both forever. I like this post, Lucas. :)

Allen Yuarata said...

I was drooling as I was reading this. You always take me out of my world with your posts. It's so enticing.

Good day!

RJ said...

Ayan ka na naman, Ron. Sinasabi mo nang lahat. Ang dapat na iko-comment ko ay nasa last paragraph na. Huh!

Anyway, mas ayos 'yan kasi kapag masyado namang 'malalim', nahihirapan rin akong unawain.

The 'message' of The Fallen Star isn't just true for our love life, it is absolutely applicable for our professional life, as well! Nice representations and very clear metaphors... Thanks Roneiluke. o",)

moongoddesslae said...

mas una kong minahal ang mga bituin kaysa sa buwan.Maraming beses n nkapanaginip ako na dahan dahang akong umaangat patungo sa mga ito. Hhaha.nakarating s dulo. nalamang ang mga bituin ay mga ibat-ibang hugis ng bubog na makikislap at nkabaton sa itim n kisame at aking naabot ang mga ito!!yeyy!

minsan titigan mo ang mga stars...makikita mo..parang palapit ito ng palapit.

NenNen said...

Redlan intoduced me this blog and I like the ambiance here. Have linked you to mine and will be back.

lunarhemizphere said...

yeah I noticed iba-iba nga kulay ng stars. At habang tinititigan mo ang langit padami ng padami ang mga ito.naglilitawan ung mga maliliit.kakatuwa!

eliment said...

nice one..napa-emote nanaman ako habang nagbabasa.

you should not reach for them, not that it’s impossible, but because sometimes, when destiny calls, one of those billion stars will just fall from the heavens and land straight to your hand---galing naman.

Chyng said...

walang update? :D

ordinary_guy1234 said...

hey
nice article
ganda

keep safe

eliment said...

paulit ulit kong binasa ito. hehe

totoo ang sinabi mo..minsan hindi naman kailangan ipagpilitan. kase kung para sa 'yo anuman ang mangyari sa 'yo talaga sya.

galing nung last paragraph ron.

Mon said...

I luv it pareh! andaming kilig moments! hehe

moonsparks said...

fiction nga lang ba talaga to? :p

i was just blog-hopping when i came across this post. nakakatuwa, to say the least. ang sarap basahin. thanks for sharing this!

Denis said...

this is like a screenplay, mukang lumilipas na tlaga si ricky lee.

leslie said...

my fave line:
There was always something in her voice that was just anesthetizing to the soul.

ei, i don't wanna sound ridiculous...but i guess we writers have this some sort of an all-seeing eye that can see through the past, the present, and the future...and we also have these feelers that we unconsciously extend to all the souls that our little life can ever lay its grasp on...

Rcyan M. said...

Before, the stars seemed like ordinary gems whose luster amazed my naked eyes.

Now, they meant everything to me.

Especially now that one of them will forever shine down on me. He vowed to protect and love me.

But then, he had to leave me.

And so, those stars shall remain not only as glistening, precious gems upon that moonlit sky, but also

a reminder that somewhere beyond that universe,

a soul continues reaching out for me,

guiding me,

and LOVING ME

despite my imperfections.

--Long time, no hear, Mr. Fantastic Weaver of Words. (^-^)

flamindevil said...

ang kulit.kinakabahan ako while reading this dahil kala ko tragic sa huli.haha

the best thing about your writings parekoy is that when i start reading it, i can't help but to continue. :p

REDLAN said...

Hmmm kay tagal mong nawala, babalik ka rin. Ayan daming mong reply-an. hehehe. San ka nagbakasyon?

kalansaycollector said...

teka, parang napost mo na to dati? or not? ;)

.pOot! said...

WOW. kaka-inlove 'tong story na 'to. ang galing talaga. pinapabilib mo ako ah.

btw, dalaw ka sa blog ko ngayon na. may ipapakita ako sa'yo. CHEERS!

jamadi9 said...

i love it! ;)

and of the billion stars that could possibly fall into our hands, fate always manages to give us the right one!

galing, ron! inspiring!

GodBlessYa! ;)

flamindevil said...

naka pag comment na ko dito ah..parang nawala. :c

lucas said...

Gosh guys... i was blown away by your comments... i apologize if hadn't been around. i'm quite busy taking care of my sick lolo...

i'll catch up with you guys soon. i promise, thanks again :)

Roland said...

the last paragraph speaks for the whole entry.... ang ganda.

very moving entry.



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ha ha ha :D