You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


25.6.09

in dark and in light


WOULD A LOVE SURVIVE IN HIDING? Like everything else that has life and that breathes, will it suffocate in the torment of rules and ill fate?

They say love can see in the dark, but for how long? Our feet stand in the same ominous place now and I am grieving. For when love has finally found us, it is when we decided to take flight, away from the eyes of those who would take you away for me.

And for this I have to stay away. And you can’t be too close. And it pains me. Even God knows how I crave for your presence—so intoxicating to my soul that I would lock you in an embrace and not let go, if I could. I’d rather chew on these fleeting moments rather than walk alone in this dark path. My love is strong, but I am afraid my heart would crumble to pieces on the ground without knowing that you’ll be with me till the end.

The day dissolves into night, so fast that frustration is eating me up from inside because I am once again reminded of how powerless we are against the arms of time that strangles us. When this stolen moment ends and when we finally walk away from the shelter of our sanctuary built in stealth and endless longing, I will once again miss you, from the moment I turn my back till I take the last step to see you again. It’s strange because even at this moment with your back against me, my arms around you and my hands intertwined with yours, I still miss you terribly. I believe that the only times I forget to miss you is when I’m sporadically thrown into a stupor where my daydreams plunge me to a place where you do not exist, leaving me standing alone before a dead end. My nightmares are the only entities that kept you away from me, but they are still unable to purge you from my thoughts. You are everywhere, even in dreams.

When you love in the dark, nothing will seem to be enough. You can’t kiss enough. You can’t hug enough. You can’t love enough. You can’t be happy enough. Everything seems to lack because in the back of your mind, something is screaming that loving is an act that you should be proud of, and to show the world how blessed you are for being a keeper of the heart of the most amazing person; the one soul out of the billion that beats in time with yours. You shouldn’t need to steal a glimpse behind your back before you kiss or hold someone’s hand. One should love freely like breathing air in and out of your lungs, without consent, without restrictions—free. But this world will always choose to tell us who to love and what things we should be afraid of. And for this, I am sad. I have yet to love freely and fearlessly.

I am scared and torn, thinking the darkness might find away to finally eat our hearts and that I might lose you if we step out into the light. For now, we had to be this way, keeping the distance, chasing time, and struggling to force our hearts closer to bridge the distance. I’m all wrong for you and I know it but I have fallen in love without taking a step. I have to stay away but I do not have that kind of heart that could bear that thought anymore. All I want is to be here with you, and to love you, one way or another, both in darkness and in light.







37 comments:

HOMER said...

"I am scared and torn, thinking the darkness might find away to finally eat our hearts and that I might lose you if we step out into the light"

-- This is what i am feeling right now. Ive fallen for a close friend. I'm thinking if I'm willing to risk the friendship.. Ang hirap, a part of me wants to jump into a relationship another half of me wants to back away.. hay..

madjik said...

a lucas' classic..
justice served!

nice to be back here.^_^

ShatterShards said...

Hey Lucas! Nice to see you back!

Balik ako later, work-mode muna. haha!

jonathan said...

If it is not meant to be, then it will be a pull of forces between light and darkness. To love freely, to open up, to step backwards, to give up...choices and the intricacies of loving and being in love. And that's why we say, falling in love, literally.

Denis said...

and we say, move over joe d mango and dr. love.

REDLAN said...

assignment ko naman 'to. hehehe

saul krisna said...

love in hiding? hmmmm teka parang di carry ng powers ko yun ah.... torpe ako pero mahirap yung ganun.... parang sasabog

Theo Martin said...

hay naku.

pag may nagsulat sa'kin ng ganitong poem. talagang bubuksan ko ang ilaw, pati meralco itatry ko bilhin para may liwanag ang aming pagmamahalan.

hayup ka! kala ko ano nang nangyari sayo. eto ka na naman at gagawa ng kakainggit na love istowrey. hay.

ang galing mo! SHET KA!

moonsparks said...

ako naman ito ang paborito ko: "One should love freely like breathing air in and out of your lungs, without consent, without restrictions—free. But this world will always choose to tell us who to love and what things we should be afraid of. And for this, I am sad."

kung pwede nga lang sana no? love should never be bound by rules. :)

nakakatuwa yung mga post dito sa blog mo. napapa-senti halos lahat ng tao. tsaka pwede pala mag-request? hahaha

Chyng said...

We miss you! where have you been? excited pa naman ako makita mo ang anniversary entries ko.. ;)

Hhmm, if you cant love freely, then it's not love. Sabe lang yan ng authors ng Sex and the City.

ordinary_guy1234 said...

no matter how many fingers you cross or how many coins you throw in the fountain, if it is not meant to be it simply wont happen

astig tlga ko

twice ko na binasa with the song playing on the background

damn! it made me wanted to scape from reality

RJ said...

Mahirap nga ang ganito. Pero hindi ako makakapag-advice kay Richard, RN... Mahina ako pag dating sa love. I haven't had enough experience on this matter.

REDLAN said...

Yung third paragraph, nahirapan ako huminga dahil sa long sentences. yung 4rth naman, enough is enough.

Iba pa rin kapag hinuhugot sa sariling experience. kaya mas maganda yun.

Mon said...

hahayz! forbidden love nga naman oh! hehe

MAY said...

hi lucas... sorry, ngayon lang ulit ako nakabisita sa blogspot.. it's been awhile.. i'm catching up with your writings... i love this post... as in super love ko... :) anyway, do you mind if I share a link to it sa fb ko?? I hope you'll say yes :) anyway, yun lang...

haaay.. ang galing mo talga magsulat... basta pag nakapagpublish ka ng book, sabihan moko agad ha *wink

gravity said...

super sad naman!
it's not easy to love in the dark, pero sabi nga nila love is blind daw diba? haha, ang corny at ang babaw ko.

cheer up Ü

enJAYneer said...

nice thoughts... ^_^

-enJAYneer-
JAYtography: An Online Travelogue

jei said...

That's what it hurts the most, sometimes love is not enough for you to be with someone who has captured your heart. Bakit kaya ganun no? Love is the most wonderful feeling a person could ever experience but it's not that easy. Oftentimes, masyado siyang complicated, confusing and risky. Hayz...

Miss you Lucas! This post is beautifully-written. Every words used were very captivating. Hopless romantic ka nga!

Najua Scribbles said...

Nakakainis ka! \m/ galing..

haha! :)

jason said...

ewan

pero masgusto ko sa dark.
di ko mapaliwanag.

gentle said...

when you love in the dark nothing is enough.

at anong ka-emohan na naman to, ha ron?? sumagot ka!! :)

tsiremo said...

i didn't read your post, just to check your place, black & beautiful...niiice

wanderingcommuter said...

if this is love my friend, then it is worth fighting for...

Rcyan M. said...

Why do I have the feeling that we are both in the same situation right now? I hate it. Pain is the most inevitable feeling here on earth.

It sucks sometimes to feel that familiar stifling of breath and stabbing of the heart when somebody or someone has hurt you. I hate feeling like this!

Thanks for coming to my site. It's been a long time since I have visited your den.

God bless, my friend!

PUSANG-gala said...

sensya na mate talaga ha---tagal ko na di nakadalaw dito---tamd ko kasi pati magbasa---kung san lang me mapadpad minsan---wlng will---hehe-

Ax said...

love is like rain. it storms. it winds. it wets. it hides whatever is on the sky.

take a bath. take a sip. for this rain quenches your thirst of nature's.

OT: thanks sa comment sa blog ni kuya Eli. kaw pala si On the Coffin Rock! nabasa kita kay .po0t. hehe. isa ka rin sa top 10 niya! hehe.

leslie said...

you really can read people's minds...yar wird samtayms...hehe, but very talented...i was struck by this post

leslie said...

you really can read people's minds...yar wird samtayms...hehe, but very talented...i was struck by this post

moongoddesslae said...

gosh... so emo. I'm swept away!
tama nang emote!waaaaah! i'm gonna cry

[dazedblu] said...

scream, that's emo on the side.. miss readin' the page.

ELAY said...

love in hiding?that's a bit complicated siguro na experience ko na un before haha.. anyway this is ANOTHER hit post. bravo.

ACRYLIQUE said...

That's why i am such a big FAN!!!
Saan kaya hinuhugot yung mga words na yun? :)

Juzzie said...

well said..

in the midst of the dark... true love should shine above all!!

PUSANG-gala said...

at talagang me countdown ha----di masyadong halatang fan ng HP---lol

lou said...

Indeed, love is the most abused word.

Reyn said...

Ron, I should have told you what I've been going through these past few weeks, aside from losing my job.


Nikki and I went kanina, we talked to your Lola. She said you might come by tomorrow.


She (Nikki) misses you. Don't be surprised when you see her. :P


And Ron, I should establish a monument for you. This is a GREAT post!

P.S. Grabbed the pic. Lurved it.

Roland said...

natawa naman ako sa comment ni Kuya RJ, hehehe

anyway, when you are in love... you should be proud of, and show to the world whose this amazing person that caught your affection... but of course, its your choice! ang mahalaga dun ka masaya.



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ang ganda ng mga jpeg na ginagamit mo sa mga entry mo... photoshop?