You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


14.4.09

frozen in time


TIME IS A BIRD once caged flying in haste towards the horizon it will never reach. It runs so fast that to its eyes, everything moves so slowly. Most people try to chase it. Those persistent enough are successful to catch it. Some fail, but try again. But there are those who get tired and decide to walk, who eventually sit down and just let time pass them by. Today, I am one of them.

To most people, time is the one that wades through us. Only few believe that it is us that walk through time. If this is true then time shouldn’t be a problem. There would be no such thing as too late or lost time. If time stretches in front of us, then we just have to choose the way how to walk through it. One could choose to walk, run, or crawl. If we’re the ones that wade through time, then we are ones in control of it, not the other way around. But still, we tend to blame time for everything that we miss because we find it inconvenient to blame ourselves.

I sometimes imagine that time is a line or a path that we all take, extending from both ends, front and back, stretching endlessly. But when dealing with time, there is no such thing as return or reverse—a one way street. The points in the line we have already traversed just become part of our personal histories which eventually turn into just mere memories—silent photographs, faded and old. There is no stepping back, just moving forward, but only limited to the present, which we have to take one step at a time before we could get to the future. The past is once a present, which is a future to the past. But the present is past to the future—the only space in time were we could make a difference for what’s to come.

Everything ends, like time, at least here in the physical world. The lines will end. We will soon run out of solid ground to walk on to because life is bound to end like lines differing in lengths. They may run in parallels but they are not always congruent. But what really matters is what we do to those lines that overlap with ours and those who walk through them…before lines run out; before our time run out.

This day I choose to kill time. There are lots of ways to do this. My way is probably the lamest but it doesn’t matter. This day I choose to stop. No running. No walking. No Crawling. You can imagine me laying my back on a withered bench along an empty street; ears plugged with music—an attempt to shut everything out, which is successful, I think, for I can no longer hear the rustling of leaves and the knocks of anger waiting at my heart’s doorstep. The sky hangs above me carrying a promise of rain, murky and gray. I watch as the clouds churn, moving swiftly to where the wind rules them. Moist air cools my spirit; a balm to my troubled soul. May it carry my prayers to the high places where it could finally be heard and bear answers.

An unkindness of ravens fly by. Pairs of wings stretched, struggling against the wailing winds. And once again, I am reminded of how time flies, wondering what else I am missing. As I fail to shut out the truth that there is no turning back, I gaze upon the vast expanse of heaven while waiting for the first drops of cold rain on my face. This is the way I choose to kill time. But it can’t be killed. It just lay there instead, frozen beside me and along everything else that wishes the world to stop.

My time has run out…






39 comments:

ZARA 札拉 [사랑해~] said...

lucas dear..

let the time flied...

it can make us become stronger than what before...

KRIS JASPER said...

Your time hasnt ran out, you're just starting it.

I've learnt something from your words. "Time cant be killed"... Funny coz I always use those words.

With sense, you're right. How can I kill time? Maybe I can ignore it while it spits and steps on my pathetic existence, maybe I can pretend Im not part of someone's time...

But reality is I cant "kill time".

I can stop MY TIME, MY OWN existence... but not TIME itself.

Nice one Mr. Lucas.

REDLAN said...

uy pasensiya pero hindi ko ito mabasa sa ngayon. Per I can assure you after nitong busyness ek ek, maapreaciate ko 'to.

Theo Martin said...

wow. first of all, ngayon lang ako nakabasa ng blog ng isang straight na sobra akong humanga sa pagsusulat. very attuned to his emotions, to details in his surroundings, and can write with such fluidity, mapaenglish at filipino.

Hinihintay ko na lang ang time na sumikat ka! ayos! :)

wanderingcommuter said...

as usual, you leave me breathless with this post...

Chyng said...

Hhmm, sometimes naiisip kong maciadong mabilis ang oras dahil ang konti ng na-aaccomplish ko. Haay, oh well, siguro tamad kasi ako.

eliment said...

well writen ron!!!

alam mo, emo ako habang binabasa ko ito. naalala ko kase yong mga oras naging masaya ako sandali pero sobrang lungkot nung natapos..kase nga ang bilis ng oras. gusto ko sanang habulin, pero diko magawa.

ang hirap kapag natapos o dumating ka sa dulo ng linya na hindi ka handa. masakit!

jonathan said...

Living in this world had become a race for many things. And since time had been either their companion or enemy, many had succeeded yet many had failed. Our own choosing whether to fight or to just move along are dictated by time. But always remember that your young age is a plus and your maturity to see things is your weapon. Your present realization will help you with your choices.

shurikenstuff said...

Dude, you really are a superb writer, nope, poet. To be able to express this thoughts so vague yet so clear is a milestone...you should publish these works...

Denis said...

ron, kapag natuloy yung podcast site ko would you lend me this piece as my first broadcast instrument? hehe


all of my thoughts factory are nodding in agreement.

and hirap kapag time ang scarce.

sabi nga nila, you can only be rich if you have plenty of wealth and plenty time.

MAY said...

parang ako din to >> But there are those who get tired and decide to walk, who eventually sit down and just let time pass them by <<

i like what you said about the past, present and future... it was something worth pondering on... you really continue to amaze me.. ;) ang galing...

leslie said...

time is a god...but it is not God...who can kill such a creature that knows and respects nothing even nobody?

ShatterShards said...

I'm a long-time sufferer of lost time. It seems however much I try to accomplish things; no matter how fast I perform my functions; there still isn't much time left to do everything in my slate. I guess it's partly my fault for even trying to attempt to finish everything single-handedly, but that is just how I was trained.

It gets old fast, measuring time using deadlines...

Great post, as always, and kudos for breaking the writer's block! Mojofly's song kept ringing in my head while reading this:

Tumatakbo ang oras
Naiiwan na ako ng panahon
Di na nagbagong bawa't araw
Pare-pareho, parang kahapon
Tumatakbo ang oras.

hehe

lucas said...

Zara: yeah…but I guess we should take advantage of it first before we let it go…

KJ: [I can stop MY TIME, MY OWN existence... but not TIME itself.] what a way to sum it all up :D… thanks very much, amigo.

Red: take your time, red :D

Theo: wow…thanks for those very generous words. Siya nga pala, pumunta ako sa blog mo. I’m sorry can’t leave any comments…Iba kasi yung comment box mo…Anyway thanks for dropping by…

Ewik: thanks, my friend… :D

Chyng: nako pareho tayo. Tamad din ako eh…Ganun lang talaga kapag bata pa. we think we have all the time in the world.


Eliment: I totally agree, eli. Happiness fades. Kaya when an opportunity comes, we should embrace it. make each moment count.

Jonathan: [Our own choosing whether to fight or to just move along are dictated by time. But always remember that your young age is a plus and your maturity to see things is your weapon. Your present realization will help you with your choices.]…thanks for these enlightening words. I sure do learn a lot from you, jon. Glad I stepped upon your backyard…God bless you…

Shurikenstuff: vague yet so clear? That’s vague! Hahaha! Kidding! Thanks for the compliment.

Denis: sige ba! Hehe! Actually naisip ko ring awing podcast yung ilan kong post kaya lang I don’t think I have the ‘voice’ to carry the weight of the words…

Gusto ko ring yumaman! Hehehe!

May: thanks for dropping by again. :D it’s been awhile. Salamat ulit!

Leslie: yeah…It can’t be killed. Hehe! God bless you, leslie :)

shatts:[I guess it's partly my fault for even trying to attempt to finish everything single-handedly, but that is just how I was trained]-nakakarelate ako dito. most of the time i prefer to do things ng mag-isa.

i can't imagine living a life beating deadlines all the time. but then i guess that's how things work.

yeah! i really thought matatagalan bago ako makapagsulat ulit. hehe! i love that song. one of my fave from them...

Theo Martin said...

huh, dont get why you cant leave any comments in my blog...why is this so, can somebody help? hehe. :) i checked the setting na, it seems pretty much normal haha. :)

lucas said...

hindi ko rin maintindihan eh...baka sa internet connection..hays...i'll explain it in my next post :D

vanvan said...

...dahil nga sabi nila napakabilis ng oras at sadyang may mga bagay na napagsisihan at nakakapanghinayang, ang tanging konsolasyon lang natin ay ang mga bagay na nagawa natin ng tama sa bilis ng mga pangyayari..

ai basta lucas, u caught me with this one again...

thumbs up!..

PUSANG-gala said...

you got such a very good description of time and I kinda imagined it the way you portrayed it----

""time is a line or a path that we all take, extending from both ends, front and back, stretching endlessly

--i kinda agree---and one of the realizations that I had these past few days is that we get tired because we tire ourselves....there's really no one else to blame except the self.

we choose how to use time---we have only ourselves to blame.

Angelo said...

hey Lucas, I stumbled upon your blog from Caryn's, I like how your roll brother...

Time is a bitch isn't she... if only she wasn't so linear. Maybe one day Man can figure out how to maneuver through her as a sphere, just like we do space. Until then, you're right, we can only make the best of our own line and the other lines that cross.... glad to have crossed yours.... cheers!

Hi! I'm Grace said...

Hi Lucas, it is so nice to be back here and read your post.
Have a good day!

acdee said...

your pen never fails to impress.....naiiyak ako minsan ei...haizz..nmn!

lucas said...

van: it's always wise to use our time wisely. pero our faults in our past should not hold us back. instead see them as motivators to better ourselves...

thanks for dropping by :)

antonio: very good realization, :) it all comes down to choice.

mukhang maganda tlga ang epekto kapag nakapagunwind ano?

blessed be, mate...

angelo: thanks for dropping, my friend...

i agree. time's a bitch. and i think deconstructing how time really works is one of the last great frontier for mankind...

ei, i visited your blog. it was really cool. i assume you're an architect or something. i really like to go to Ontario and visit that AGO...hehe!

i'm sorry i can't comment on your site...tsk tsk...there's a problem regarding the commnt box...

grace: thanks for the drop, grace :)

Have a nice day too...

gentle said...

haay. i wish i can call back time.. there are so many things i would have wanted accomplished but cant seem to do them all at once cuz of time constraints.

sana may apparatus ako kagaya nung kay hermione granger sa prisoner of azkaban. :)

Fjordan Allego said...

yes, in time, there's no turning back. ang meron lang, looking back. hehehe... adik lang e no? hayaan mo nang lumipas ang oras. kasi kahit wala kang ginagawa, may dahilan yan. may ibubunga yan. tingnan mo bukas, in the future. maging handa ka nga lang sa magiging resulta...

http://fjordz-hiraya.blogspot.com

Allen Yuarata said...

namemesmerize ako lagi sa mga sulat mo. haha. Ayaw na ayaw ko sa mga emo post pero nagustuhan ko to. haha.

Good day!

Angelo said...

Hi Lucas, thanks for dropping by bro... I'll have to look into my comment box.... ya, I get the architect thing a lot, but no, I only appreciate architecture.... I'm actually in the medical field like you.... I look forward to your next post man!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, yours is the lamest.. ahaha!
Or probably just your thing, not mine or any of us..

But I totally disagree time hasn't ran out... It's you to decide whether or not you lose it or use it.

Baka isang araw, mauntog ka.. Magising ka na lang bigla, matanda ka na pala.. hehe

I dare you to move. ;)

rowjielogy.com said...

time is running. and we must go on with it... but still, it is a matter of choice if we will go on or stop at a moment.

nice blog entry lucas. you're my idol. :)

lucas said...

gentle : we all wish to call back time...

ah yung time-turner ni hermione? may nabibili nun sa e-bay. bili ka! hahaha!

peace out!

fjords: make sense. you can look back but you can't go back. sounds like torture noh? hehehe!

allen: hindi kaya ako emo. medyo lang! hahaha! thanks alot :D

lucas said...

angelo: oh really? cool! i'm a nurse in profession. how about you?

i really hope you could do something with your comment box...thanks for dropping by again :D

anonymous: hello there! thanks for sharing your thoughts on this one.

i like that song by switchfoot by the way! hehehe!

rowjie: thanks rowjie. i totally agree. in someway, our choices are vital on how time will work for us...

Angelo said...

Hey man, I'm a physician by profession. I actually trained there in the Philippines at St. Luke's. I remember the college of nursing next door at Trinity. cheers!

Mon said...

i've been reading this entry for like 5 times already.. made me realize that true enough, we’re the ones that wade through time. it's just a matter of time management. hehe. this is a very intelectual blog. nakaka-nose bleed, ka-hilo. hehe. way to go!!

lucas said...

angelo: woah! another doctor! if i'm correct, there are already 4 doctors on my roll! hehe! nag-apply ako sa st. lukes. i didn;t pass their exam. haha!

mon: thanks, mon! nahilo ka ba? :P tama ka. it's a matter of time management.

thanks!

tinay said...

beautiful. left me questions.



time is just a state of mind. :)

Millionaire@age20 said...

well written! I kind of see this in a newspaper of something. hehehhe. I'll follow ur blog k?

napundingalitaptap said...

we tend to blame time for everything that we miss because we find it inconvenient to blame ourselves.leche ka...napakahusay..

hanggang ngayon, iniisip ko, gagaling ba ako ng ganito kung pinatuloy ko yung sinisimulan kong pagsusulat dati. . .

sa mga ganito, di ako masyadong makapagcomment sa content pero kun gano ako ka-bow...shet yan...galeng talaga.

lucas said...

tinay: thanks, tinay.

millionaire: thanks, mr. millionaire. linked you up already.

napunding alitaptap: mahilig ka ngang magmura. minura mo nga ako sa last comment mo eh. hehehe! but thanks really :D

probably yes? nagbrowse ako ng mga posts ko minsan. i think i've grown, which is one of the primary reasons for authoring a blog. :)

napundingalitaptap said...

whooooooooooaaa. . .

like, do you think minimean ko yun?? wohoohoooo.. . .sorry.

karimarimarim....huhu.sorry talaga.

lucas said...

napunding alitapap: nyak! ano ka ba? i totally get it...nag-thank you pa nga ako di ba? hehehe...

peace out!