You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


16.7.08

rainy days, frozen hearts


IT HAS BEEN RAINING all day…without cease. it feels like it could go on forever. but the familiar feeling didn’t stop either. the welcoming feeling of being at ease and the tempting aura of the surroundings gave me that constant mixed emotion.

i miss the sun already--its warmth and how it could make almost everyone happy, or at least, hopeful. i could just see the sun hanging just above the canopy of trees. just there. lazily hovering, giving its faint and misty glow against the dark clouds that eagerly try to hide it. it is ghostly when you look at it actually.

from my bedroom window, the angry skies--colors of black, grey, and purple swirls as if telling everyone that something bad is going to happen. something wicked is churning behind the clouds. an ominous sign. i hope not. there is that creepy silence. the calm before the storm. the cold wind blows steadily, but not hard though. it blows smoothly, like spirits, whispering words only few would understand. like flowing water cascading to the open sea. i love the way it touches my bare skin, and make my hair stand, but i love it more when i breathe it in…for it is like breathing you.

the rain usually reminds me of someone. someone special. those who know me would probably think of the same person. but this time, i am thinking of someone else. seasons change as the weather, as the trees change their colors til the time they shed them. nothing is permanent except change. the same goes with the heart.

the rain echoes what i feel inside right now. i could now hear it make their angry sound against the tin roofs, the sound they make against my window and against the ground as they fall, meeting their end. they are music to my ear. those familiar sounds tend to lull me into a deep slumber. and the drops of rain curtains everything, making the world look misty, hazy, giving it a dream-like appearance…as if i am walking into a dream…someone else’s dream.

it’s unbelievably sad now, and cold. really cold. i feel consumed by it. i feel like i want to get lost in it. something about it is numbing. something about it could make you forget, and escape. i miss you so much but the rain, and the wind, and the setting sun overcame me. it knocked my heart cold. i am not surprised to see it frozen right now.

a series of flashing lights goes off, like i am being photographed by papparazzis. then came the rumbling sounds of thunder, disturbing the air and making the skies look angrier, making me scared a little. i am scared. i just hope the cold days would be over soon. i don’t want to feel this absolute cold, which tears straight through me and down to my heart. not anymore. i wish the rain would stop for i don’t want you to feel cold too. i don’t want you to get sick like i did, few days ago. i just want to hug you right now…as tight as i possibly could. that’s the one thing i’d want to do at this very moment…for it is the only thing, i think, that could save my heart from faltering…and eventually from breaking into tiny cold pieces.

i miss you.

2 comments:

Ely said...

so, this is why u want me to post photos related to rain? :)

RONeiluke said...

yeah! hehe! exactly...sounds weird but i fancy the rain so much...hahaha! emo mode lang...hehe!