You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


24.7.08

R.N. Berania, R.N.

I PASSED THE BOARD EXAMS! i still can’t believe it. unbelievable. i am now a registered nurse. it’s nice to see that two letters sitting comfortably at the end of my name. i don’t know what to feel really. it was just so sudden. i think it will take a few moments for the news to sink in, perhaps after i finish writing this entry.

it was around eleven in the evening when i received the text message from ate glai…

+63920465146
congratz ron! you made it. same as steph. hooray! –te glai
sent: 10:52:22 pm

and then, there i was, holding the cellphone in my hand…staring at it…i had to read it again…(i could imagine my blank face right now)…and again…and again…i just have to. “is this what i think it is?” i told myself. then it just hit me. this is it. the moment i have feared and anticipated for almost two months. the moment of reckoning had come. i stood there. frozen. hovering. our dogs were barking, breaking the silence of the starry night. and then it came…the adrenaline rush. i will not be surprised to see my dilated. my heard was pumping against my chest and up my throat. my throat felt dry. i had to drink. then, i felt like i floated towards the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. i couldn’t even feel the cold billowing from opening it. a pause. and i drank a glass of water. i had my cell phone with me. i didn’t dare putting it down. an impulse came through me. i just have to read it again…one more time…there was another message:

from: maan
congrats r.n. na tau…pumasa tau ng board…thnks to god.
sent: 11:14:03 pm

and it confirmed it. i passed, unless of course, people decided to ‘punkd’ me. i am glad there are no text messages that followed saying “april fools!” i’m glad its nearly august (hays). i don’t know but my mind seemed to stop. i walked back to the door where i came from and stood there. just letting it all in. breathing the cool night air in the hope that it will sink in as i take each breath…

inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale…

i forgot that i was watching the television. national geographic’s ‘what if’ was airing. i sat on the sofa and tried to watch. at first i couldn’t understand a thing. there were people wearing white blazers talking about something i couldn’t understand, till i noticed that they’re making giant balloons, making glass using a microwave oven, shooting cameras with a gun, destroying cellphones using man-made lightning, testing the efficiency of a paint gun with a bent barrel, and experimenting--if a high free fall of car could make it explode into flames (just like what happens in action movies).

i could still feel my heart against my chest. i stood up and back to the front door. i put my hands in my face and walked from the door to the kitchen and back again…and again…how many times i did it i do not know…my mind just seemed to fly. positive anxiety had taken me. i decided to text ton and haley--the last 2 pesos of my load. my stomach gave an ominous lurch. i had to use the comfort room. when i’m finished, nanay was sitting on the sofa, watching abs-cbn’s s.o.c.o. i spilled the beans without hesitation. she smiled and clapped her hands. even by the dim lights of the living room i could tell she’s happy. at the back of my head, how i wished i didn’t know that she was crying in her room earlier this afternoon, and that i got the news tomorrow morning instead, so that i could shout my lungs out for joy…for nanay. but it’s late at night. i didn’t wish to wake people up.

i checked my inbox again:

from: …(“,)…
oh my gosh to the maximum level! super congrats! J im so happy 4 u J it’s really worth going there..:)
sent: 11: 17:24 pm


crap…i was not able to load…it could’ve been nice to share this moment with someone…with you…

from: haley james
congrats po, rn. :)
sent:12:52:51 pm


thanks you very much!!

---

i did it. i passed the boards. all the sleepless nights, headaches and stress i have gone through, in preparation for the boards, were all worth it, not to mention the grueling four years of my college life as a nursing student…(hays)…that would mean no thick medical books, vomit-stained photocopies, lectures in powerpoint and word, and the monotonous q&a guy on my mp3 player…but there will still be coffee though (hehe).

i remembered the two grueling days i have to suffer in taking the board exam--the toxicity of it, the ‘microwave rooms’, the doubts and lack of confidence on my answers (thanks to colostomy, imci, and management!)…i am proud of myself for overcoming them all and be at this moment. i can’t wait to wake up in the morning, and check the internet for my name, or perhaps in the morning paper. (waaaa!)…i am so psyched right now…

however, i just passed a test. there’s still a lot of things ahead to go through. and i can’t wait for what’s in store for me out there. besides, life is full of infinite possibilities.

i thank the lord for helping me although out this endeavor.

congratulations to all the new rn’s of 2008! (weee!). to those who didn’t pass, well, i do hope in my heart, you nail it next time…just keep the faith…

17 comments:

Reyn said...

oh my gosh to the maximum level! super congrats! J im so happy 4 u J it’s really worth going there..:)

Ivan Harry said...

Kongrats! Kongrats!

ROneiluke said...

thanks thanks to you...aehehe...pagahahanap naman ng trabaho poproblemahin ko...Hehe! ciao!

KRIS JASPER VAN DYKE said...

Congrats!!!!

welcome to the prof nursing world!


just voted in ur poll as well....

Ely said...

congrats! my brother on the other hand is still crying over the failure. he unfortunately didnt make it.

ROneiluke said...

ely...thanks...i hope your brother nail it next time...my sister in law also failed it...3 times already...crap...

napunding alitaptap... said...

hmmmm. . . isipin mo yun, nakaabot sa iyo ang blog ko, ahaha. . .

blogosperyo nga naman, BILOG. hehe. . .

o well, congrats, huwaw, AR-EN. . . .

AR-EN. . .

hehe

flyfly!

wanderingcommuter said...

hey hey! congrats dude!!!

mrs.j said...

congratz..

and i like ur quotabke quote..

:P

ROneiluke said...

for: napunding alitaptap...thanks so much...akala ko titigil ka na pagboblog eh..hehe...thanks 4 dropping by...

ROneiluke said...

To: wandering commuter and mrs. j..maraming slamat sa pagbati...ang saya tlga magblog...hehe!!!

napunding alitaptap... said...

still on the process of thinking if i'll still write. . .

but i'll surely not stop reading other's blogs.

hmmm, got curious over the things i write. . . that's hideously hideous. ahaha!

o well, ako? malalim? hmmm. . . siguro PINAKAMABABAW NA MALALIM if ever.

flyfly!

ROneiluke said...

for napunding alitaptap: still thinking?? hmm...i got more curious tuloy...hehe! ewan ko ba? or sobrang babaw ko lang..ahehe! anyway..thanks for visiting...ciao!

Lawstude said...

Congrats parekoy. I know how you feel. I have passed the CPA licensure exam and the BAR Exams too. Sarap ng feeling no?

Patre said...

hey hey hey!!!CONGRAT's RN!!!!natatawa pa din ako pag nababasa ko itong blog mo, parang malapit ka ng atakihin sa puso eh!hahaha..was the feeling that great?bkit di ko maalala??hahaha, hindi nman sa ang weird ko para wala akong maramdamang excitement pero sobra sobra lng siguro ung iyo!hahahaha..or posible ding weird ako??hahahaha

ROneiluke said...

to lawstude: waa! ang lupit mo naman! ang dami mo ng napasang exams! hehe! i see you travel alot...i always love to travel...amazing pictures! thanks for visiting!

to patre: nako sobrang shock ko parang nababaliw nako..hehe!!! weird ka din siguro...bumisita ka palagi d2 ha? thanks! i miss you na...ciao!

the donG said...

congratulations ron! i just reviewed your old posts and saw this.