You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


14.3.09

alternate ending


Clammy fingers punched keys

Against naked jaundiced paper

Smeared by words to eyes once concealed

Heard as toothed-steel bite

Parchments that screamed then killed.


A lost story told turned immortal

Breathing breath to your breathless lungs

Bloody ink bold and black

Against the daylight white

And papers’ hue in color lacked.


Type-written truths were twisted lies

Bottled, fermented which I drank

Intoxicating as false ecstasy

Converted into these words I type

Of an almost reality that you’re alive.


Filled parchments piled up and sing

Whispering unbroken hearts and fields so green

Like the color of young love growing

Not of thorn-pierced fingers and skin

And throats slit by weeds slithering.


Backspace.

Erase.


Fingers persisted to play the keys

As papers flew, torn, and stained

Telling a tale, a chronicle almost lost

A novel of would’ve been if you stayed

A version of your love I just made.


And as you lie under the ground

Beneath cold earth and stone

I forge these words for you alone

An alternate account of a story we once wrote

Ending with a blissful period instead

In the name of your bones I quote.

Back.

Space.

Erase.

Caps Lock.

ERASE.













---
Inspired by the movie,
Atonement.

37 comments:

gravity said...

I AM COMPLETELY IN AWE! as in, from start to finish. it really has reflected that atonement feel. oh my. this is soooo poignant. i had to read it over and over again. =)

RJ said...

[Kanina pa ako rito, Ron. Hindi gumagana ang utak ko kasi nasa 'sleepy mode' dahil buong gabi ang work dahil harvest time. NAg-iingat na kasi ako sa interpretation ng mga gawa mo.]

Dito siguradong may namatay na talaga, literal, ha. o",)

Ganito nalang, tatanungin nalang muna kita. Nanonood ka ba ng 'May Bukas Pa' ni Santino?



---------
Totoo, yun lahat ang ginagawa ko sa poultry farm. o",) Ganun karami ang namamatay kasi 1 million heads naman ang mga alaga namin dito.

jonathan said...

I could actually hear the clicking sounds of the typewriter, the deep breathing of the author, and the pounding of thoughts as translated in print. It is very creative. Your entries are always worth reading.

Roland said...

wala akong masabi kasi ndi ko pa napanod ito, hehehe.

kuha muna ako ng idea kay "limewire" =P


===

mas "mapalad" ka saken
kc ndi mo na kailangang mag-abroad
anjan palagi si mama, may shawarma!

ZARA 札拉 [사랑해~] said...

Waw!

awesome!!

Dylan Dimaubusan said...

Isa lang masasabi ko. Malalim.

Nadadalas na ang sulat mo ngayon ah...;) Inspired ba?...:D

My comprehension is nowhere to be found, so I have to read it over and over again.. ahaha!

Elay said...

soooo beautiful. I really want to write a comment but I was blown away by what my eyes perused. I just couldn't find the right words to say..

Galing..Galing..

PUSANG-gala said...

grabe--habang binabasa ko yung post at nakikita yung picture ng makinilya--me background music pa na me typewiter sound---parang creepy tuloy dating sakin---sa makinilya yung atensyun ko at di sa post mo mate---Sorry---hehe

PUSANG-gala said...

lucas---I just dont have anything for m=now mate. tama nga sabi nila---you cannot share what you dont have---I lack the optimism and the motivation---para ngang gusto ko blog rest muna. sigh~~

ShatterShards said...

I haven't seen or read Atonement yet. How good is it?

I don't know, this piece gives me mixed feelings... at one time, it feels sad. But then again, it feels as if it is in denial, erasing a memory for having failed "breathing" life into it, and replacing it with a happy, false memory.

The poignancy of his loss for me is somehow diminished by his insistence of recraeting a new memory in lieu of his tragedy...

----------

I wish yor mom a successful surgery to ease her pain, and your worry as well.

flamindevil said...

no words can really describe how a good writer you are.


astig ka parekoy!asteeeeg

KRIS JASPER said...

Nice! Kaya lang di ko napanood ang movie na yun eh.

You're a gifted person Ron. Nag promil ka ba nung baby ka?

RJ said...

I like the words, the choice of fonts, the sountrack(?)/background music, and the feelings shared in this post! Very creative, Roneiluke. o",)

I can really imagine the typewriter's teeth hitting the icteric paper! Huh!



----------
Sa May Bukas Pa, ang sabi ni Bro (Jesus Christ?) kay Santino:

"Kung ang taong patay na ay nandito pa rin sa ating puso't isipan, hindi pa siya totoong patay..."

Pero tama ka, dapat lahat ay may happy ending, kaya pilitin nating maging happy ending talaga ang ating sariling kwento.

jeszieBoy said...

yo sup?
I'm inviting you to join the EARTH HOUR 2009!

just check it out! :]

http://jeszieboy.blogspot.com/2009/03/flick-that-switch-off-make-difference.html

lucas said...

thanks for reading guys... :)

REDLAN said...

Fingers persisted to play the keys
As papers flew, torn, and stained
Telling a tale, a chronicle almost lost
A novel of would’ve been if you stayed
A version of your love I just made.

And as you lie under the ground
Beneath cold earth and stone
I forge these words for you alone
An alternate account of a story we once wrote
Ending with a blissful period instead
In the name of your bones I quote.

Back.

Space.

Erase.

Caps Lock.

ERASE.
-----gusto ko ang part na 'to.

talented, writing stories, poems, ano pa ba ang maisi-share mo? I say, you are a versatile blogger.

tinay said...

one day, your writing will push you to the floor. and you'll be laughing. you'll sound lyrical and you'll kill geckos beautifully :)


in short,
i had a blast reading this.

karmi said...

deep. :) ang galing mo talagang magsulat, share naman ng talent dyan. ^^

i wanted to read the book, i haven't seen the movie, ngayon parang gusto ko na lalong malaman ung kwento ng Atonement dahil sa post mo.. :)

ShatterShards said...

I love Keira Knightly, kaso lang, mukhang typecasted na siya sa mga period movies. Aside from Domino, wala akong maalalang movie niya with a current setting. hehe

-----------

Same here, I love my coffee, kahit alam kong masama sa akin. haha! Weird thing is, I suffer from palpitations but at the same time, inaantok ako. haha!

flor said...

ang ganda. once again ronie.

alex said...

hi there ron running pa ang current season ng mga shows na yun. ang desperate hw's episode 16 na yata, ang grey's ep 19 so i guess just few more eps then tapos na

pwede na bilhin ang pirate hehe

Mugen said...

Sali ka kaya dude sa Palanca? The more you revealed your self in poetry, the more i find you a genius.

savante said...

Really kewl poem - especially with the pic at the end :)

Denis said...

its really hard to be on a critique face here.

true walang kiss ass deed


magaling ka dude

MON said...

Words can't begin to express how your writings make a hell of an impact to me. oh i'm a huge fan! keep on posting ron. have a great day!!

Fjordan Allego said...

gabe! iba talaga kapag ikaw ang gumawa! ibang klase!

iba talaga ang pinaghuhugutan mo ano?

http://fjordz-hiraya.blogspot.com

lucas said...

red: salamat, red :P

tinay: buti na lang may translation, hehe! hindi ko kasi nagets yung una eh. haha!

slamat, tinay :)

karmi: gusto ko rin mabasa yung novel. iba pa rin talaga kapag binasa :) it has a great story. i love the ending..hehe! sa tingin mo bakit? hehe!

peace out, karmi :)

shatts: oo nga noh? i like her because she reminds me of someone...ahehe.

it's normal for coffee to make us palpitate, pero pareho tayo. inaantok ako minsan. i think mataas na yung tolerance natin sa caffeine kaya kelangan large or doses or medyo matagal para umepekto yung stimulating effect. hehe!

flor: thanks, flor :)

mugen: thanks, Mugen. kaw? sumali ka din! :)

savante: that pic was from sonny crestfort, the artist :)

denis: thanks dude:)

mon: thanks, mon :)

ShatterShards said...

Hmm.. who could this someone be? hehehe..

Sa akin, ayun talaga ang effect ng coffee since before. Nakakatulog talaga ako.

Have you tried Figaro's coffee? They use Kapeng Barako. Sarap! ;-)

----------
Yep, burger has become bad for his health na. He becomes hyperacidic pag kumakain ng pattie, or processed meats. Scary thought no, being unable to enjoy food?

Pilar said...

ang bigat lucas! ang bigat ng poem na to. tsk. grabe.

Chyng said...

hi Lucas,

lam mo last week ko pa di mabuksan site mo. gusto nga kita imessage pero how? hehe

well dis week ok na.

yas.tolentino said...

@lucas: napangiti ako. ehe. sa totoo lang, eto lang ang post ko na binigyan ng mabunying kritiko. nakakatulala! haha salamat apir!

naisip ko lang itong isulat habang wala akong customer na naggugulo. di ko makapaniwalang magiging makata ako kapag nakatanga lang sa station ko.

apir apir!

rowjielogy.com said...

wow. i love the idea...

eliment said...

galeng naman..wala tuloy ako masabe

space
space
back space

hehe

henyo ka ron!

lucas said...

shatts: hindi ako madalas sa mga coffee shops. hehe! kaya hindi pa. sarap mag-kape, naulan dito..hehe! baka naman antukin ka lang tlaga, mate? hehe! kidding!

ganun?

---

yeah. very sad. i can't imagine my life without burgers...:|

pilasr: salamat, pilar :)

chyng: really? anong sabi? hmmm...buti ok na...hehe! gusto na yatang i-shitdown ng blogger site ko. hehe!

yas: magaling naman talaga kasi eh :)

boredom could be a very potent motivator sometimes..hehe!

ay ganun? alam ko meron din sa bandang green hills?? ahehe!

rowjie: slamat, rowjie!

eli: salamat, parekoy!

istepf said...

atonement..
love story b ito?
hehe.. sori nman,, hndi ko alm..
il check this out soon..

see u later..=)

lucas said...

steph: oo! ang ganda ng movie na yan panoorin mo..ahehe!

istepf said...

chige chige,,
pgbalik ko video city, hanapin ko yan..
hehe..=)