You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


17.3.09

para kay lucas

Lucas,

I finally pulled my nose out from the pages of your stories last night. I was trying to find myself in one of your characters but I couldn’t, instead I found myself in you. I thought they were about how those women got crippled by love, but in the end, it was all about you--the only and sole casualty in your own story.

Amazing are the words that gushes out from a broken heart. I understand why your characters were so miserable, and lost, and unhappy. It is because you were. The bitterness in your heart contorted your version of love that made your book an omnibus of tragedies instead. I love tragedies. I think that’s one reason why I easily got lost in those tales written by your frozen fingertips.

I know the feeling of writing for someone you love. It’s like immortalizing a sublime feeling into words that screams through the edge of time; an endless and echoing gesture of love printed on paper; a bottled scent of passion and affection sprayed, lasting in the air. But sometimes I wonder if the words that I breathe are the same ones that are holding me back, choking me.

I agree in what you said. Writers are powerful. They can do anything they want. They could reveal every dark secret, raise the dead to life, or even make time machines so that one could undo things, revise sad endings and replace them with happy ones. We love wide and blank spaces so that we could fill them with anything we want. But everything is not fiction. Imagination is proven lacking and insufficient. We are powerful but only to a world standing opposite the realm of reality. To the real world, we’re helpless and ordinary. Vulnerable. And as a way of coping with this fact, we write, hide ourselves in letters, poetry, and make-believe stories of what could’ve been and alternate endings to melancholic conclusions in our lives. We revise and twist things in a world where revisions are not allowed.

I want to ask why you gave up on love. Why did you drop your pen and walked away? Is it her still? If that’s the case, then I would understand. Perhaps you were just not able to let go of her. I can’t tell you the right thing to do. Most right decisions that we could make are not necessarily easy and most often, love is more than a choice between what is right and what is wrong. I just wish that you would’ve been able to love again and change the end of your story, not of the Lucas in your works, but you. Because that is what I am trying to do right now. Loving and writing in the hope that when the right person comes, my words would lift me from the floor, not a care on what the end would bring.

I give you thanks for inspiring me. How I wish there’d be still hope for you. I wish you well, Luke.

Always,




. . .

I’m done reading “Para Kay B” by Ricky Lee. I had fun reading it. You might enjoy it too. Let me give a shout out to my friend Steph, the very reliable bookworm who recommended this pink-colored book.




38 comments:

RJ said...

Whew! So, is this letter the synopsis of Lucas' posts from July 9, 2008 up to March 14, 2009?!

Very creative, Roneiluke!

Huhmn, finally! The pink-colored book is Ricky Lee's 'Para kay B'. Hahah! o",)

[Ako ba 'yong naka-tag sa iyo? Parang RV or RJ?]

Dylan Dimaubusan said...

Hayz, ganda ng letter. Parang natatamaan din ako nito, but not as a writer. As a human trying to keep her stonewalls around her.

Galing nito, grabe.

Aris said...

kahit masaktan...
kailangan pa ring magmahal.
kahit nagmamahal...
kailangan ding masaktan.

kailangang matikman ang tamis at pait...
maranasan ang kahulugan ng buhay.
:)

gravity said...

it's wonderful how you are able to twist the minds of the readers (in a good way) and make them/us crave for more of your writing. one of my most favorite posts of yours.. Ü

moreso, i wish you love and happiness. Ü

KRIS JASPER said...

Hello lucas.

Love... Love cant be timed, cant even be predicted. When she comes, then good.

But I hope you stay loveless and heartbroken Luke (that's me being selfish), coz Im enjoying these short stories so far.

If youre in love you might start writing retard stories like snow white or rapunzel or chunky cunth.

(Im just joking Luke.)

Hope you are well though...

and seriously, sige na nga, sana sa summer ma meet mo na ang maka pag pa inspire sa yo ulit.

Lionheart : Richard the Adventurer said...

Okey...

I'll try this one...

Hayz!

San ka nga pala nagduduty now?

Lets adventure! Sama ka sa Mindoro!?

ShatterShards said...

Is this about "Deciphering Words, Painting Thoughts", one of your early posts from last year? Wala lang, it feels that way to me...

--------
I like Figaro more than Starbucks. hehe. Well, antukin ako sa umaga. Insomniac kasi. haha!

Chyng said...

Hi, hinulaan ko pa naman sino nagsulat sayo nun, hehe

Your writings are contagious. Nag-iisa ka sa blogosphere!

Para kay B, binasa ko din. Memorable si Erica from Maldiaga. "..pagharap niya sa salamin, nakita niyang wala siyang puso.."

rowjielogy.com said...

i am actually curious with that "para kay b" book... hehehe... any idea to share? wihihihi....

Juz said...

ang nice. well you write well talaga.. worth reading ah!

the pink-colored-book, ok ba siya?? ill try grab a copy.. hehehhe

thanks sa last message. yup "wo ai ni" ung nasa hand ko.. hehehe galing nia nga eh..

lucas said...

July 9, 2008 up to March 14, 2009?! hehe! bakit mo nsabi? hehe! nabasa mo na ba yung book? si Lucas kasi yung bida dun..hehe!

yeah, kaw yun. pero may nag-tag na yata sayo, i believe. ahehe...

but anyway, salamat!

---

bigatin naman ng site mo. may cake pa talaga..hehe! baka yema at mani lang pag nag-1 year ang coffin rock..hehe!

happy birthday to the chook-minder's quill! more birthdays to come!

lucas said...

RJ: July 9, 2008 up to March 14, 2009?! hehe! bakit mo nsabi? hehe! nabasa mo na ba yung book? si Lucas kasi yung bida dun..hehe!

yeah, kaw yun. pero may nag-tag na yata sayo, i believe. ahehe...

but anyway, salamat!

dylan:
we tend to make stonewalls sometimes, out of doubt or fear, out of hope to make a sanctuary...

God bless :)

aris:
indeed! love and pain are partners. :P

gravity:
salamat, mate. nabasa mo na ba yung para kay b? lucas kasi yung pangalan nung bida..hehe!

KJ: i'd rather stay loveless than write about snow white or rapunzel (porn version) hahaha! kamusta na si chunky cunth? haha!

thanks, KJ. :P

richard: anong meron sa mindoro?

uhmm...naghahanap na ako ng work ngayon. hehe!

shatts: nabasa mo pa yun? wow...ang tagal na nun ah..i can't even remember kung tungkol saan yun..hehe!

but anyway, the last post was about lucas...siya yung bida sa libro na para kay b na katatapos ko lang basahin :)

si ricky lee ang author. sila pa lang ni bob ong ang fil author na nabasa ko.hehe!

chyng: hinulaan mo pa? hehe! natuwa ako kasi kaalias ko si Lucas sa story. sad kasi naman ni bessie..tsk tsk tsk..hehe!

yun din ang tumatak sa story sakin, yung kay erica. kakaiba kasi :)

rowjie: basahin mo. light read siya parang si bob ong...hehe. i like the twists in the end. yun lang masasabi ko..hehe! ayoko maging spoiler. :P

juz: ok yun! grab a copy :) or manghiram ka na lang. hehe!

blooming talaga love life mo. wo ai ni pala yun. akala ko kung ano. napakacomplicated kasi ng pagkakasulat. hehe!

salamat. juz:)

Lawstude said...

my first time in your blog. this post is beautifully written and i admire your lay-out. i'll be back here often.

Dylan Dimaubusan said...

Doubts, fear, pain.. Yes.
But we only grow if we take risks and chances, you know that. ;D

Ako kasi, ewan. nyaha!

RJ said...

Ganu'n ba?! Pakiramdam ko kasi, Ron, pareho ang naging kwento mo rito sa On the Coffin Rock, at sa naging takbo ng liham mo kay Lucas (na siyang bida sa Para Kay B). Hindi ko pa nabasa 'yong book.

Regarding the tag, nasagot ko na nga 'yon dati Ron, pakisilip nalang ang sulat-kamay ko doon sa post kong Ang Mga Lihim at Kwento... T.Y.

istepf said...

thanks for the shoutout nald.. :)

i knew it, you will write something about the book.. its a good read ryt?Ü kw din naisip ko after finishing that,, "lucas" "writer" "love stories"..Ü ay naku, ron n ron ang dating.. :)

love the letter,, sna mbsa ni lucas yan.. im sure, in turn, you can inspire him as well..=) and maybe find his courage to let go & move on.. c bessie kc ih, pasaway.. hehe..=)

sna mtgpuan ko n din ang lucas ko.. awwww! =) (nald, my kwento nga pla syo, naku! we have to meet up real soon..☺)

miss you..
im always here..♥

REDLAN said...

Na ispire rin ako sa mga post ng lucas na yan. Kilala mo ba siya? hehe

Mon said...

I would assume that your real name is Roneil Luke and Lucas is your blogger-nickname. heheh.. As usual, Great post!

jonathan said...

When I watch a film or read a book, I take one specific character having some similarities to mine so that I could feel the stories being told. Your answer to Lucas is like talking to yourself and the readers are drawn towards the character's dilemma and then to yours. A superb attack in story writing!

I wish you the best in your waiting. You are still young, and the fruits are yet to be pluck when the right season comes.

Pilar said...

let me guess...

rationalization??? lol.

kamusta ang st lukes mo? :D

ShatterShards said...

Akala ko talaga you're writing a letter to yourself. hehe

------
Thanks, Luke, I'll savor this trip talaga. Baka kasi ito na ang last trip ko before April 15. After this trip, it will be crunch time. Circus na naman kami.

Allen Yuarata said...

Waaaaahh! I love the letter!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maganda ba "Para kay B"? Makahanap nga din nyan. ^^, gandang araw!

vanvan said...

...sana masulatan ko din ang self ko ng ganito..

pero inspiring mo talaga...

keep it up..

Roland said...

akala ko sulat mo sa sarili mo!?
hehehehe... may pagkakahawig ksi sa takbo ng lablayp mo.
yun pala PARA KAY B!

husayyy.

PUSANG-gala said...

yun pala---kaya ka busy-busyhan these days---sa kakabasa---mabilis kaba magbasa mate/ ako super bagal---inaabot ako ng syam-syam sa isang book----

kokoi said...

wow. this is so amazing! really blew me away! galeng!

flamindevil said...

so when do we move on?

when our heart finally understands that there's no turning back.

eliment said...

natatameme ako. oo nga..bakit ba kase ganun ha luca? hehe

mukhang ok yong pink na book ah. mahanap nga sa bookstore.

Myk2ts said...

nice one ron, and now, i can relate... hehe

--

hehe isang pag-ibig na hindi dapat bigyan ng pansin, hehe araw na lang ginamit ko, masyadong common yung stars eh :)

gravity said...

ay ganun ba! haha.

ndi ko pa yun nabasa. marami ngang nagsabi na good read yun. sige will check that out =)

lucas said...

lawstude: thanks for dropping by, lawstude :)

dylan: i totally agree, mate! ewan ko ba dun kay lucas sa book...isang heartache lang give up agad. hehe!

RJ: may pagkakapareho nga kami. (I was trying to find myself in one of your characters but I couldn’t, instead I found myself in you.) hehe! Try to read. meron kaya nun dyan? hmmm...

nakita ko :) ganda ng handwriting mo, mate :P

steph: sure steph! dadami views mo niyan! hehe! marami na rin akong naging friends sa fs na bloggers..hehe!

hay! natuwa talaga ako. kasi lucas yung pangalan nung bida...hehe!

totoo kaya si lucas? o kathang isip lang? hmmm... nako kaasar nga yung bessi na yun! akala ko pa naman maiinlove siya kay lucas sa dulo. pasaway talaga!

nako ano yun???!!! nako sana makapagkita tayo soon... :) tungkol saan?

hehe!

miss you steph! mwah!

red: hindi nga eh. pero balita ko cute daw? HAHA! kidding! :P

mon: nope and yes. it's actually ronald. hehe! lucas is my alias. fave character ko kasi si lucas scott sa one tree hill eh. hehe! conincidentally, lucas yung bida sa 'para kay b'.

jon: thank you jonathan :) i could so relate to lucas' story in the book. i'm actually wondering if lucas is a real person... hope he could read my letter :)

pilar: rationalization nga yun...haha!

yung sa st. lukes? basahin mo na lang yung post ko "long way down..." hehe!

peace out!

shatts: nako sulitin mo yan para naman rejuvenated ka kapag nagsisirko ka na ulit sa work..hehe!

keep safe.

allen: it's a light read. but good. may boring parts, pero it doesn't matter. gusto ko yung twist. yun lang. hehe!

thanks, allen. :P

van: salamat, van.

pero hindi para sa akin yung sulat. hehe! para yun kay lucas. siya yung bida sa 'para kay b'. :P

antonio: nako mabagal akong magbasa. uhmm..depende siguro sa libro. pag harry potter mabilis lang. pero kapag dan brown, medyo mabagal. hehe!

kokoi: thanks, kokoi :P

flamindevil: ...and most hearts are stubbon.

eli: ok siya. try to read it :)

michael:
thanks, for the drop, michael :)

gravity: hope you could it..if you have time. kuhang busy ka eh..hehe!

onatdonuts said...

babasahin ko nga rin yang libro na yan...

napakahusay mo talaga magsulat... napakahusay!

ShatterShards said...

Baka naman Ricky Lee is writing about you writing about someone. haha!

Your post "Deciphering.." was about a water color painting that somehow reminded you of a friend whom you've somehow lost. Ibinalik pa nga niya yung librong sinulat mo para sa kaniya. (hehe, makialam ba sa buhay ng iba...)

istepf said...

kya pla,, iniicp ko, cno ito?? hihi..=) no problem!Ü

un maaari ang twist,, not our usual happy ending kind of story.. pinapakita n, hndi lhat ng totoong pg-ibig (gaya ng nrmdaman ni lucas ky bessie) ay my patutunguhan.. minsan kc we have to face that reality.. well, thats just me.. ^__^

haha,, not that important,, but im sure you'll be surprise.. ;) when could that be? pasok n ulit ako tom.. hope to meet you next week,, please be available.. hehe..

ingat-ingat! mwaahh..♥

PUSANG-gala said...

lucas ---uo--but he hates wine---yaw nya ng lasa---I guess rugby is like Australian football mate---a bit different from the American version----


and what's the difference kung HP at Dan Brown?

Denis said...

man, i feel so ancient naman i havent read this yet.

hay, pa borrow? haha

lucas said...

onat: sige kuya onat. basahin mo. hehe! ewan ko lang kung makakarelate ka. :P

slamat :P

shatts: ahhh..i see..kaya pala...naungkat mo pala ang isang post ng aking masalimuot na lablayp..hehe!

kaya nga ako natuwa dun sa libro na yun. nagsulat din kasi ako ng libro. binalik nga lang sakin. hehe!

malay mo, ako nga talaga yung lucas na yun. hahaha! :P

antonio:
alam ko na, mate!!! ang rugby wala silang protective attire (ei helmets, padding etc). ang football meron. hehe! napanood ko kanina sa "balls".

denis: tingin mo meron kahit isa sa mga friends mo. hiram ka na lang. or bumili ka na lang. 250 lang naman eh. hehe! :P

uhmm...yung kay dan brown kasi mabilis ang takbo ng story kaya nilalasap ko..hehe! kaya binabagalan ko. yung HP kaadik. pag nagbasa ka, parang gusto mo na agad tapusin. ayun. hehe!

STEPH: nakanaks steph! very well said. emo ka na din talaga! hahaha!

huh? masusurprise ba ako kung hindi significant? hehehe! :P sige kung ano man yan, naeexcite na akong malaman. haha! sige next week :)

mwah!

istepf said...

ngayon ko lng nkita ang reply mo,,
hehe, ncheck mo n b ang profiles nila s friendster?? haha.. aku hndi p din, =)

marami ko kwento mmya..Ü