You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


3.5.09

on your doorstep: epilogue


A SHADOW MOVED concealed in the night’s seas of black. I heard its faint footsteps as I sat on the same doorstep bathed with the bright light from a lamp post across the street. I didn’t move. I didn’t breathe. I just stayed with my back against your door, head down, and arms wrapped around my knees. I didn’t dare move a muscle because I was afraid it would not be you that was making those sounds against the path of cobblestones that led to your door; to the arms where you belong.

The footsteps grew louder, moving in haste and in synchrony with the thundering beat of a heart that had been missing you for so long. And then I felt the shadow cover me, blocking the light that divided the night. Then, came heaving breaths—the same sounds that emanated from your
mouth that compelled me to remember the night when bodies and souls wed, leading us to the stars.

Suddenly, I heard my name. It sounded like a plea. That was when I started breathing again but every ounce of air entering my lungs was a drive to cry the tears out. I heard my name again. Your voice trembled as a whimper escaped my lips, and then came sobs, followed by tears leaving wet blots on the letters that littered at my feet. I heard sounds of crying. But they were not mine. They were from you. I slowly lifted my head up and there, bold against the light, was a silhouette. My blurred vision cleared and as it adjusted to the lack of light I finally saw your face again; ever beautiful and impervious against the passing of times.

Helpless against the torrent of a nameless bliss, I sprang to my feet and locked you in an embrace—a gesture of a promise to not let go of you again. With eyes tight shut, I savored the feel of your body against mine; thinking that the warmth and scent of your presence would sink the truth in—that you finally came back and that the long wait had finally ended.

“What took you so long?” I said with a broken voice; a letter and a flower crushed tight in my hands.

“I am so sorry.” You said in an echoing whisper that shook the tears from our eyes.

The simple and sincere words were enough to heal the hurts and to sever the time that seemed to collapse on itself, swallowing the years past and taking us back to were we had left things; the exact point in time where we would again begin. I offered my hand where a letter and a rose lie. And we just stood there as time slithered underneath us in silence and in dark; where it had all began, surrounded by dying petals and unopened letters that sealed a thousand words which true meaning lies into just three.

That night still grows fresh in my memory for it was the night when the meaning I was desperately searching for came back. It is where the fates had failed themselves and made the greatest accident. It was by your doorstep where you found me and where I first started the search, and had succeeded.








. . .


Conclusion to the monologue, on your doorstep
.



28 comments:

Denis said...

this looks like a segment of a huge story, but this still is very comprehensive by means of vivid descriptions and hidden but loud emotions.


naks! i feel like singing

"two in one plus one, happy kaarawan!"

lol

REDLAN said...

kkelanagan ko na talaga magprint ulit ng mga posts dito. marami na akong na-miss.

Mon said...

base!
wow! i love every detail of it. grabeh pare! ang galingg!. your writing's could really make a reader's imagination work. hahay! gugma is in the air.

lucas said...

denis: akala ko kaw yung may birthday! ahehehe!

red: :P Glad you're finally back, mate!

mon: thanks, parekoy! :D

MON said...

LOL. ngayon ko lang napansin. mali-mali ang grammar. bahala na si pacman! haha

jonathan said...

There is a Chinese saying that says, " When reading, don't let a single word escape your attention, one word may be worth a thousand pieces of gold." I found three: hope, love and memories. Very moving piece!

Theo Martin said...

ditto to them praising you.

you have a tremendous gift with words...using them with such care and precision fills them with pride.

Galing!

bulitas said...

imagery is with you in this narrative.
panalo!
keep it up sir!
=)

isladenebz said...

It's like reading a sampler of a novel.

The guy was totally dramatic and then blurts out: what took you so long? Isn't it sort of harsh in such a dramatic scene.

Aabangan ko ang karugtong...

Chyng said...

Afterall, a sweet ending. Mahusay na pagkakasulat, ang galing mo tlaaga sa description.

Uy BTW, Enrico and I are sooo OK. My entry was just a repost. My bad for making a confusion. haha

Angelo said...

OH NO an Epilogue! Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for happy endings, but heartache secondary to a "girl" is the most potent of muses. I enjoy reading your stories related to these two characters because it brings me back to a more painfully romantic period of my own life. I don't mind wallowing in that kind of melancholic misery because it beats the heavy misery caused by the "older" women in the more recent period of my life.

But I'm certain that your muses will not depart you Lucas, and you will continue to be inspired to write most eloquently. I guess I shouldn't be wallowing in melancholic misery anyways, instead I will content myself with your happy ending and live vicariously through you.... not all of us are so lucky to get the "I am so sorry" from the one we most desperately need to hear it from.

Cheers brother!

MAY said...

wow. isa pang wow. inulit ulit ko tong epilogue na to.. grabe na to!!! level up ka na lucas!! :)

i admire the way you use your words.. napapa-gana mo un utak ng tao, the creative/imaginative side of us...

parang reunited lang ang theme netong last post mo... so, does that mean reunited na rin ang heart mo?? :)

JoShMaRie said...

lucas. humanap ka na ng publisher para gawing libro ang mga post mu. matagl na kitang di nabibigyan ng isanlibo at isang thumb's ups. bravo!

PUSANG-gala said...

finding love again????

redeeming a seemingly futile relationship is definitely a very blissful thing--- it's just amazing how love works sometimes.....


tagal din akong di nakadalaw mate---dami ko ata namiss na----

KRIS JASPER said...

U wrote this last March?

U'r starting to scare me Lucas.... You're so brilliant, you should publish your works. Or bind them and sell it to whoever is interested (there's loads of us).

OR GIVE IT AS A GIFT to someone who'd truly appreciate it.. I dont know... perhaps, ME?

:)

vanvan said...

another one of those i love..

ang sarap mag-imagine ng mga stories mo..

bravo!

tinay said...

hala. GOOSEBUMPS.
for no particular reason, this got me. tsktsk :)

PUSANG-gala said...

hmmm----diko ba napost yung comment ko o di u pa lang na-approve mate? hmmmmm~~~~

RJ said...

Ang bilis namang mawala lahat ng kirot. [Katatapos ko lang basahin ang 'Forgive and Forget' ni Redlan.] Isang napakahigpit na yakap lang, ayos na.

Ganito nalang Ron. Kung gagawing pelikula itong mga kwento mo, at magpapa-audition ang Dreamworks Studios para sa mga gaganap dito sa mga characters, kunin mo talaga ako (sakaling kasama ka sa mga kikilatis). Kayang-kaya kong gumanap, napakahusay kasi ng pagkasulat (pagkalarawan) mo.

Walang kupas ang On the Coffin Rock! o",)

kendi said...

sounds like one of my dreams.
hmmm...

kokoi said...

the first few lines took me to the scene. yung mga sumunod e lalo pang pinaexperience sa akin.

gravity said...

waaah! i missed reading your poignant posts, just like this one. i thought 'twas a dream at the beginning.. Ü

richarddiongson.com said...

every time i read your blog, all my systems up. lol..

all i can say, galing! hehe

Allen Yuarata said...

awwwww.... you know what, I really feel every word you write. It's as if they have their own character. I don't know why but the feeling while reading your posts is so magical. Honestly.

This one is my favorite!

Dhianz said...

*clap* *clap* *clap* galing galing moh tlgah... graveh... whew!... wow... ingatz lagi good-lookin' great writer ron! Godbless! -di

tickets.and.me said...

I see the lost bits of me from those words.

Haaay.

eliment said...

WHY DO PEOPLE FIND IT SO EASY TO STRAY and to get lost than to find their way back?--ron, this is exactly the questions im trying to answer now.

kung titingnan parang madali lang namang ang sagot..pero sa totoo lang. mahirap sagutin ito o kaya naman, alam natin ang sagot pero hindi natin kayang gawin o tanggapin ang kasagutan.

nice..da best ka talaga !

Rcyan M. said...

You have the makings of a writer. Or are you actually a writer? (^^,) I'm also aspiring to become one. Would you mind helping me out?