You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


11.11.08

a bed-time story


THERE ARE TIMES WHEN HE LIES ON HIS BED at night and something happens. he doesn’t know exactly how to describe it but they are experiences that make him somehow escape. it is when he just stays there in the cramped space of his room; eyes open, watching as time walk pass him. he lets the darkness lick his skin as the cold evening air seizes his soul. he stands on the edge of reality; living between a dream and the world that corrupts his spirit. living in the middle is a relief. he can’t live in a dream and he’s terrified to live his life in this sick world. middle is a place better than anywhere else.

he was there again; on his back, ignoring the dust that littered his bed. thoughts flooded him like a gargantuan cascading river. powerful, petrifying, but nonetheless, beautiful. he embraced each thought as his eyes remained open; looking straight to the ceiling he could not see. as each thought touched his mind, he wanted to get lost in it hoping that he would find meaning. an absolution.

the mind is powerful. he knows this, because everytime he finds himself in the world his mind creates; he can make every thought real. he can even make feelings tangible and dreams turn into cotton candies he can eat. he was hurting and he tried to lie to himself by holding back the tears that burned his eyes. the pain and agony was so real that he was able to hold it in his hand; dark. hard. cold against his palm. he wanted to crush it with his fingers but he knew that what he held in his hands were his dreams too. pulverizing the pain meant breaking his heart. his name was synonymous with confusion and loneliness.

time kept crawling as his thoughts walked on icy water. suddenly, he was on the middle of a frozen lake. there was nothing before him but a vast expanse of endless white and snow. he could hear the swishing sounds of pine trees somewhere, the cold wind whispering. he felt cold but the feeling was welcoming somehow. he then sensed something building up from within him. sounds. music. a song. he closed his eyes and listened. it was a happy song. and then, the song became words. he saw them coming from his mouth. and then the words became him. he danced. he moved his body as graceful as van gogh’s strokes were on a canvas. smooth and flawless. he danced as free as the air and the dust and snow that came along with it. every step he took was a color and every movement of his limbs was a brush stroke; his feet pounding on the delicate ice beneath him. he danced with eyes closed and painted the white world around him into masterpiece with blinding colors. for a moment, he was an art and around him was the world he wanted to live in.

the colors dissolved. he was back there again, in the cold darkness of his room. the sounds were gone. the colorful world was now replaced by pitch blackness intimately kissing his entire body. the only light he could see was from the moon that barely broke the clouds. the sight gave him hope though. with a smile, he closed his eyes, emptied his mind and fell into a deep slumber. the pain no longer in his hands but the dreams still remained, blanketing him with warmth as words trickled down from his eyes that spelled a name he doesn’t know anymore...





30 comments:

gentle said...

ang powerful ng imagery. i really dont spend time reading something this long. (its one thing to write a lengthy piece, but read? ehehehe.) but your prose kept me going on and on. nice one ron, affecting!

RJ said...

Can i request for a PROLOGUE and EPILOGUE for this? Please... I think i need these so I could fully appreciate the character in this story. It's nice to know, though, that in times of trouble he uses the power of his mind to escape from grief so he could embrace the joy of the past (or possibly, the future)!

Natuto tuloy ako sa kanya. o",)

Denis said...

ron the writer.

yan ang rule of thumb.

make the readers draw your thoughts in vivid visuals. i just had that with this post ron. tell me when your ready to write a book.

Jandale said...

wow! i mean, wow! you write so well! imagination is indeed powerful. it can take you anywhere.

PROSETITUTE said...

is the character really a second person? or is it just you? :P

salingPUSA said...

very well done RON, well done.....

nakarelate ako sa pagiging palaisip ko minsan esp bago matulog super kulit ng utak ko---so yun, I end up sleepy the next day.

One lesson learned.....

"the mind is powerful. he knows this, because everytime he finds himself in the world his mind creates; he can make every thought real."

---really powerful, it could create your own nirvana or your own ghost.....

FerBert said...

imagination makes a rainbow- spongebob squarepants

madalas akong mag imagine.. mamaya bago ako matulog mag iimagine ako.. lol

Fjordan Allego said...

galing!

kakarelate din ako.. bago matulog gumagawa muna ng sarili kong daigdig ang utak ko hahaha.. ang kinaiba nga lang, masyado kang creative sa pag-iisip at pagsusulat! galing!

http://fjordz-hiraya.blogspot.com

kcatwoman said...

is this about you? wow this is good material. thanks for this

KRIS JASPER said...

I admire people who can convert their depressions into something positive....


Ako kasi whenever I close my sweet chinky eyes if Im in my bedroom, (esp when Im alone)... Rated XXX ang naiimagine ko. hahaha!!!!

Hindi ko iniimagine na sumasayaw ako sa snow...


Anw RON, old fotos yung nasa previous post ko..

Chyng said...

hobby tlga yang nga iba, ang mag-isip at mag-imagine!

sorry, i really wanna say I LOVE "RENT" too!

525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets... (--,)

Myk2ts said...

isali na kasi si ron sa palanca! dali :)

bow. intense post. laveeet

Wandering Wonder Bra said...

hahha.. i think i'll go for prosetitute's comment..

then i shut my mouth.. bawal ang mind reading.

--- --

off topic:

"nakakamiss tlagang maging bata...everthing seems so simple and clear...when we're young, we're so hopeful, full of dreams, and aspirations seem really within reach... but when we grow up most of us lose the gift to see and get lost.

a month ago, nakasakay ako sa jeep pauwi tapos may pumasok na batang pulubi. sabi niya sa mga pasahero,"palimos po. kahit konting tulong lang para sa cancer ko." i was skeptic at first but the stitches and scars in his exposed abdomen really broke my heart...

truly life is so short...unfortunately for the kid i met that day, life is shorter than i expected.

PS: love your essay T_T (ass-lissing aside lolz)"


i'll get back on you about this after a year.

Bry said...

there's only one word that can sum it all up!

INSOMIA...

hehehe

Nice piece :)

Lance said...

i like the last part..

---

hey ron..
i probably have to take a break on blogging..just for few weeks..i'll wait for my new computer first, then from there I shall be blogging fulltime..hehehe
I can't post my photoshoots because we had a problem with the adobe program...sucks.. anyway, i'm still reading all blogs everyday..so keep me posted..hehehe

cheers!

the spool artist said...

yup, ron's blog is the only blog that i can read at this length... keeping you embraced by the magical spell of his words...

RONeiluke, RN said...

Gentle: thanks for patiently reading me. hehe! I usually write with length. That has become my trademark. I like to test my readers patience…a lot! Hahaha!

RJ: sorry…I am not sure I could give you what you ask of me…hehe! This post was a random thought. It is what it is. Period. No before nor after… but if something comes into mind relating to this one I’ll give you a head’s up, ayt? 

Denis: thanks for the compliment, mate. Ahehehe! If I become a writer, I’ll give you a copy of my book for free…hehehe!

Jandale: thanks a lot mate  imagination is so powerful that it scares me sometimes. Thanks for dropping by. Peace out!

Prostetitute: definitely a second person! Haha! just when I thought people stopped decoding my prose…hehe!

Saling pusa: I totally agree… somehow may disadvantage din xa lalo na sakin. Worrier kasi ako. Lahat ng masama at worst case scenarios nabubuo ng imagination ko. Hays…

Thanks a lot 

istepf said...

hi nald! back again,, hehe,, dami mo n agd post since my last visit..=)

no worries, babasahin ko nman lhat..=)

masarap mg-imagine, mangarap,, yan n lng libre s mundo,, bukod s mga free taste s malls.. hehe..=)

miss n tlga kita..♥

JoShMaRie said...

powerful talaga ang imagination but sometimes i do wish na hindi gumagana ang imagination ko kasi pakiramdam ko maloloka ako. haha.

.::. Vanny .:. said...

oo nga, 2nd person ba tlga? hmm.. what an imagination. good job! ;)

METAPHOR. said...

If I were just an ordinary reader, I would say that you're pertaining to say... a second person. baka naman ikaw lang toh. Kasi dba, most people use personal pronouns such as HE and SHE when they're afraid to use I. wala lang.

RONeiluke, RN said...

Ferbert: maka-spongebob ka pala! Hehe! Nako tiyak pornograpiya ang papasok dyan sa isip mo! Hehe! Peace out!

Fjords: ganun ka din pla! Hehe! Thanks, mate 

Kcatwoman: nope. Hehe! Thanks! Musta ang duty? 

KJ: hehe! Hindi ako depressed!...i think. Haha! nako sinasabi ko na nga ba! Parehong-preho kayo ng sinabi ni ferbert…hehe!

Chyng: you love RENT too! Woah! I downloaded every track and I watched the movie version too… sana mapanood ko xa sa broadway someday 

Mysk2ts: nagblush naman ako bigla T_T thanks a lot 

Dabo: wandering wonder bra??? Haha! akala ko si ewik ka! Haha! akala ko nga wala ng nagdedecode ng mga gawa ko. Meron pa pala..hehe! sige hintayin ko…

Bry: correct. Hahaha! Nasobrahan lang sa kape…peace out!

Lance: wow! Cool! Buti ka pa may sarili ng computer na..ako tamang nagrerent lang! ahahaha! Sige. I’ll be waiting for your posts…ui, top commentator pla kita! Haha! thanks at congrats! Peace out!

Spool artist: nakakataba naman ng puso kuya loven…maraming salamat! Yaan mo. i’ll try to write shorter posts…hehe!

Steph: waaa! Steph! Miss na rin kita! Hays… ang dami na nga! Hehe! Natural eto lang kinagawa ko sa buhay ko…hehe!

Josh marie: ahaha! Nakakasira nga ng utak yung maxadong pag-iisip at sobranmg wild ng imagination. Hindi na nakakabalik sa realidad! Haha!

Vanny: again, yes. Second person. Hehe! Thanks a lot 

metaphor: ahehe! i get your point but it's not me! hahaha! this was just a random thought that i needed to write... peace out!

richarddiongson.com said...

as my head hits the solace of the pillow, so yun, tulog!. isa lang naman ang intervention para makatulog: read ron's posts. lol.. just kidding..

cheers ron! how i wish to have a writing skills as yours..

REDLAN said...

hindi ka talaga nawawalan ng storya. grabe ka mag isip plus the english, nakaka nosebleed. palagi dumugo ang ilong ko. pati utak ko. napaisip ako palagi. sobrang deep. keep it up ron!

RONeiluke, RN said...

richard: weh??? kidding ba talaga? hahaha! thanks!

redlan: salamat sa laging pagtangkilik, red! ahehehe!

PROSETITUTE said...

so, this really is a work of fiction? :P

istepf said...

haha.. korek, hindi nman halatang eto ang buhay mo ngayon..=)

tara n nald, mgseminar n tyo!!! kmsta nman, iwan n iwan n tyo ng panahon,, hehehe..=)

mwah.♥

RONeiluke, RN said...

sabi ko naman sayo sabihan moko kung san may seminar karirin na natin! hahaha! napaglilipasan nako ng panahon..hehe!

may license na nga ako did you know? hehe!

i was thinking of a blog break nga eh...hmmm...

istepf said...

hehe.. i will inform u,, wala plng tlga kong nbabalitaan ulit, mdmi n dn kc kong nplmpas dhil s work sked ko..

huhu,, buti k p, ako wla p din, badtrip tlgang underage issue yan,, HINDI N KO BATA!!! haahha.. hay..Ü

istepf said...

blog break?! OMG! mraming mgrereklamo pg d cla nkbsa ng post from u, hehehe.. gudluck tlga.. ;)

--wala po kong kinalaman s desisyon nya, wg nyo po akong aawayin,, hehehehe..=)

mwaaahhh..♥