blinded

I WISH YOU WERE BLIND, so that you will not be able to see the scars and the imperfections of this face, or this skin i’m wearing. how i wish you see nothing but black, dark enough for you to see my light. sometimes, when you look at me with those brown eyes, i just want to stick my fingers into them, so that you’ll lose your sight of this world, and see my heart instead. that is all i want. you have the perfect vision and yet you refuse to see.

i sometimes wonder what if i am blind. what if colors just decided to hide from me like the way you hide your heart? would mine still beat for you even if i won’t be able to have a glimpse of your beautiful face? i guess it would still, for whenever i close my eyes at night, i could still see you: a blinding image in absolute darkness that calms the storm, raging from within me; a balm for my weary soul; a beacon that leads me to the light, and yet i have never felt so lost in my life.

could you please just gouge your eyes out for me? i just want you to see me like how i see you right now. let darkness swallow my face, my whole body, me. and from nothing just try to paint an image of me by remembering how i hold your hand, or how my voice sounds like when i call your name; just remember how i used to write your name on the sand and try to listen with these words i am softly whispering in your ears. do you hear me? don’t tell me you’re deaf. try to open your heart so that you will able to see; so that you will be able to hear. just let it open and hear me knock. i am on your doorstep and i am saying i love you.

you now walk on flowers. i walk on weeds, slicing me. i am all wrong for you and i know it. i just wish my heart knows and believes that truth too because it’s tricking my mind into thinking things to spare me from an incredulous pain and ordeal. i would rather embrace the pain. somehow bitterness is the only way to get rid of the agony; the only way to learn how to let go. i must sleep with this pain or else it will not leave my bed. but in the back of my thoughts, you’re the only one i want to share my bed with tonight.

some say that life is like a series of images passing by at blinding speeds. life is fast and short. but there are moments in life when a moment hovers and stand frozen in time. it’s like a miracle, and when it happens, make sure not to miss it. perhaps one of these days, this event will come your way. my fingers are crossed that when it happens, it will be my image you will see among others, floating in space, flashing you with a smile. i’d want you to pick and keep me in your pocket and i’ll keep singing the songs you love so much.

i am here in front of you right now, naked against your skin. i am hugging you, so tight because i’d never want to let go. as you lay against my chest, can you see me? can you hear me? just try to lose your sight and keep the vision. let the darkness swallow me and nothingness break me. and then make and mold me once again. i am the one for you and you know it. i am knocking desperately now, begging, banging on your door.

as you lay against my chest, can you feel that? that is the void where my heart used to be.

but can you hear this? this love i give you under my breath…