You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


4.8.08

so close, yet still so far


THE SKY WAS GLOOMILY DARK and it was raining again. the heavens were crying, threatening to drown my spirit; attempting to knock my heart cold again. but i have learned to resist it at last.

and then you came.
i could see a peaceful smile, a spring on your gait; a balm to my troubled soul. i have longed for you, like how i missed the sun. you are my sun.

then you spoke my name.
i craved for that sound from your mouth. i felt needed, loved, longed for. i spoke your name too. the name that circles my head, the one i silently bellow to the cold wind when you're not there. the three letters i fondly write with my forefinger in the air. you.

and then you were here.
you were so close. the closest you have ever been. i could feel you at last. i felt an inner silence, like a vast open sea; undisturbed, calm, tranquil. happiness is hard to find, i have learned but seeing our souls intertwined that way, dancing through the night--bliss is just a breath away.

the closeness made my heart race again.
your warmth woke my bored spirit. then i hugged like i never hugged you before; and kissed like it's the end of days; looked at you, you so hard my eye hurt. i tried to memorize every inch of you; every graceful curve, every blink of those eyes. i didn't want to sleep. i didn't want to miss a thing. i would not want to blink if i can. i didn't want my muscles to tire or my eyes to close. i just wanted to be awake. i couldn't let consciousness take me. i didn't want to miss anything, because i am missing you already.

and there we were,
in front of that hideous bus. i braced myself for a long way home. a cold night and a seemingly broken heart. i looked at you one more time and held your hand. you were on the bus at last, and it just flew away into the night. i looked at it till it disappeared, swallowed by darkness. and i was left there, alone, on the silvery pavement, wet due to the rain that fell from the angry skies.

i thought i saw you as i crossed the street.
i thought you changed your mind, and wanted to stay for the night. it was a longing and happiness that died like lightning. i should have get on the bus too, i told myself; walked you home, but i knew you wouldn't let me. i could just imagine myself in it with you, holding your hand, killing the cold. looking in your eyes and get lost; pretending to listen on my mp3 player but listening to every breath you take, to every word you will say before we part.

then i went home.
cold, alone, hovering. i climbed on my bed and loneliness ate me instantly. my pillow couldn't replace you. i hated my pillow for that. i hated the weather. i hated the absence of heat i hated the absence of you. i hated the fact that one moment you're here and the next moment you're gone. hated the fact that i couldn't seem to bridge the distance, that i couldn't have enough of you. i hated the fact that you are so close and yet still so far...

---

Will you stay awake for me?

I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,

I just don't wanna miss anything.


--secondhand serenade

35 comments:

Ely said...

so near yet so far..? senti ata tau ngaun ah! :)

Mugen said...

Eloquence, is a gift you have.

Cool.

rheiboy17 said...

wow, this is a blog written by a truly madly deeply (savage garden)inlove with someone.

haaaay. endorphins overflowing.

Reyn said...

I could feel the sincerity with this post. Don't worry, that person whom you're talking about in this post appreciates your every deed, your every action.

And someday, you and that person won't be apart anymore, no matter how close or far the physical boundaries would be...

odin hood said...

haaay senti

wanderingcommuter said...

surprisingly, i was thinking almost the same thing yesterday...

naku, masama ang epekto ng tag ulan sa atin... hahaha!

acey said...

whoa, parang inspired magsulat ng literature. bro, you're in love?

leviuqse said...

senti nga

ang daming hearts!

spongebabe said...

ang emo ne'to ah. ^_^

ROneiluke said...

to: ely, hays...senti nga ako kahapon..ahehe...kamusta na? thanks for your comment.

to mugen: wow...thanks for the compliment...eloquence...hehe.thanks for your comment.

to rheiboy17: hays...my endorphins are overflowing right now...hehe...thanks for your comment.

to reyn: yeah i know...and the more i'm falling faster and deeper...i couldn't thank you enough...thanks for your comment.

to odin hood: oo nga eh...umuulan kasi..hehe!thanks for your comment.

to wandering commuter: tlaga!? naku baka umulan mapasenti ka din! haha!thanks for your comment.

to acey: yes ms. acey...110%thanks for your comment.

to leviqse: hindi naman maxado...medyo lang! haha!thanks for your comment.

to spongebabe: nagpapakaemo lang...naulan eh..thanks for your comment.

rowjie said...

nice. very nice...

whatever you feel right now, i hope you'll be okay very soon.

mrs.j said...

ron,

never mind...

Guilty Secret said...

Thank you for all the comments you have been leaving on my blog lately. I would love to read your blog but I can't visit pages that play music automatically... I would love to come back if you could put the music into an optional player!

KRIS JASPER VAN DYKE said...

emo? senti? in love?

ROneiluke said...

to rowjie: i'm so ok...sobrang napasenti lang ako...hehe! thanks for the concern...kamusta pagrereformat ng blog?

to mrs. j: ok :(

to guilty secret: ohh...i'm sorry...i'll fix it...thanks for visiting...

to kris jasper: oo eh...lakas ng tama...hays...hehe!

TENTAY™ said...

title palang... iba nga ang dulot ng ulan. kasabay ng pagdilim neto ang ating pakiramdam. pati kahit masaya nasesenti...

Winnie said...

wow ang lalim..

thanks sa pag visit sa blog ko.di naman kme starting fam..almost 5 yrs na kaming married..been together for almost 8 yrs. it's just hard being a military family and have to deal with all the deployments and all the adjustments that we go through. we're ok though.

thanks for the comment. and hope u visit again :) ingat

prinsesamusang said...

i guess it's because of all the rain lately... all these senti stuff we do. ayiii... in love.

rowjie said...

oki naman. hopefully matapos ko na this weekend. :)

mrs.j said...

e ksi nmn binubura mo huhu :(

regarding the hp post mo andun ung invite :P

dazedblu* said...

Gush, emo.. emo.. emo..
but need to say this something I could read over and over again, if I'm on the same swingof emo. :)

richarddiongson.com said...

whaaaaa! epistaxis..

lakas tama! pag-ibig nga naman.

i hope you can recover from that feeling. it is inevitable. just be strong.

:-)

ROneiluke said...

to tentay: hays...sinabi mo pa...hehe! the rain has this weird effect on me...hehe! thanks for commenting...cool site...im adding you to my roll..

to winnie: ahh...para kasing nagsisimula palang po kayo..uhmm..i guess isa lang po anak niyo...military family din po kami dati..my father is a retired sodier of the armed forces and my mother worked as a nurse in V. luna. mahirap nga po...ganyan din kami dati...thanks for visiting...i'll sure come and visit again...good day!

to prinsesang musang: i guess it's the rain...hindi naman ako emo eh...medyo lang tlga! haha! thanks for your comment...

to rowjie: cool! sana matapos mo na agad! thanks for visiting!

to mrs. j: sorry na :( patawarin mo na ako...hindi ko sinasadyang mabura...ok tingnan ko...thanks!

to dazedblu: so are you an emo??? thanks for the comment.

to richard: hahaha! ok naman ako...sobrang napasenti lang ako...akala ko hiatus ka at sa december pa balik mo??? hehe! thanks for the comment

dazedblu* said...

Not really, hehe :)
I'll let you kno, DC pa rin ako.

ROneiluke said...

dazedblu: ahhh ok...hehe! pareho silang magaling kasi ngayon uso ang alternative at rock music kaya siguro mas mabenta sakin ang classic, groovy voice ni archie..hehe!

the menace said...

ayos yung title.

words made famous by the movie enchanted

Jake Tornado said...

Grabe, so tindi. Nosebleed ako, so lalim, I can't make hukay!

Hehehe. Senti mode yata tayo ngayon ah.

ROneiluke said...

to menace: yeah! i remember that line...i love that song by jon maclaughlin...thanks for your comment...ciao!

to jake tornado: ahehe...sana naman mo ay matagumpay ninyong naarok ang mga salitang sinambit...hehe!

"go make hukay!"-- so funny! hahaha!

Bryan Anthony the First said...

love the short staccato-ed narration.

hope you're ok.

woof!

ROneiluke said...

what do you mean by staccato?? hehe! thanks for the compliment..hehe! i am ok...ciao!

dabo said...

putsa..super emo, ikaw dapat ang tawaging emo god..galing
--- --

so sya pala ang pumuri sa iyo at pinasa mo naman sa akin hahaha

nakow wag kang maniniwala kay mugen hahaha..kami kami lang nagbobolahan dito sa blog world..hehe joke..

---

pero i am returning the compliment, kasi tama naman talaga si joms/mugen.. you write eloquently..at diverse pa ang vocabulary mo..

RONeiluke, RN said...

to dabo: hahaha! naku. now everybody's got the impression na emo ako..well, i'm not...medyo lang...nagkataon lang maulan kaya ganun. haha

--

so are you saying na di mapagkakatiwalaan si mugen? hahaha! joke. i like his blog.

---

wow...i don't know what to say...that's too much...hehe! thanks you so much...

ang bilis mo naman magpost ng bagong entry...i couldn't catch up...hehe

Toilet Thoughts said...

I've read. And bled.

Sorry emo din ako these days. But you've put words to what I couldn't express. galeng galeng.

RONeiluke, RN said...

to toilet thoughts: wow...thanks alot...ganun lang tlaga ako kapag nagpapaka-emo...maulan nga kasi siguro. hehe! thanks for visiting, mate

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