so close, yet still so far

THE SKY WAS GLOOMILY DARK and it was raining again. the heavens were crying, threatening to drown my spirit; attempting to knock my heart cold again. but i have learned to resist it at last.

and then you came. i could see a peaceful smile, a spring on your gait; a balm to my troubled soul. i have longed for you, like how i missed the sun. you are my sun.

then you spoke my name. i craved for that sound from your mouth. i felt needed, loved, longed for. i spoke your name too. the name that circles my head, the one i silently bellow to the cold wind when you're not there. the three letters i fondly write with my forefinger in the air. you.

and then you were here. you were so close. the closest you have ever been. i could feel you at last. i felt an inner silence, like a vast open sea; undisturbed, calm, tranquil. happiness is hard to find, i have learned but seeing our souls intertwined that way, dancing through the night--bliss is just a breath away.

the closeness made my heart race again. your warmth woke my bored spirit. then i hugged like i never hugged you before; and kissed like it's the end of days; looked at you, you so hard my eye hurt. i tried to memorize every inch of you; every graceful curve, every blink of those eyes. i didn't want to sleep. i didn't want to miss a thing. i would not want to blink if i can. i didn't want my muscles to tire or my eyes to close. i just wanted to be awake. i couldn't let consciousness take me. i didn't want to miss anything, because i am missing you already.

and there we were, in front of that hideous bus. i braced myself for a long way home. a cold night and a seemingly broken heart. i looked at you one more time and held your hand. you were on the bus at last, and it just flew away into the night. i looked at it till it disappeared, swallowed by darkness. and i was left there, alone, on the silvery pavement, wet due to the rain that fell from the angry skies.

i thought i saw you as i crossed the street. i thought you changed your mind, and wanted to stay for the night. it was a longing and happiness that died like lightning. i should have get on the bus too, i told myself; walked you home, but i knew you wouldn't let me. i could just imagine myself in it with you, holding your hand, killing the cold. looking in your eyes and get lost; pretending to listen on my mp3 player but listening to every breath you take, to every word you will say before we part.

then i went home. cold, alone, hovering. i climbed on my bed and loneliness ate me instantly. my pillow couldn't replace you. i hated my pillow for that. i hated the weather. i hated the absence of heat i hated the absence of you. i hated the fact that one moment you're here and the next moment you're gone. hated the fact that i couldn't seem to bridge the distance, that i couldn't have enough of you. i hated the fact that you are so close and yet still so far...

---

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

--secondhand serenade