You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


29.8.08

lamentations of a withered tin can


I CAN SEE YOU FROM DOWN HERE. i hope you can see me too. but i doubt you’d be able to because you walk with your chin high up, and it looks like you’re in a hurry. the pointed heels of your shoes seem to break the ground as you walk. the sound it makes reminds me of someone knocking on my bedroom door once upon a time, but a little faster. where are you going? why in such a haste? i guess you’re running late for work. i hope i could borrow your time for a while. if i could only make you stop.

i am here. i am down here. i am the rusting tin can on the sidewalk. any moment now, you’ll be right here in front of me. if i could only give you a signal that i am here. i have been waiting for so long…for you. the time had already taken its toll on me and now i am ugly. but i don’t care of how i look. i have always believed that beauty lies in the inside. but wait. i have no insides, have i? i am hollow. empty. i am a tin can, but how could i feel something like this. something as impossible as love.

you’re coming closer and closer. i could see everything from down here. your every detail. every spontaneous move. every blink of those big brown eyes. i wish they’d look down, then, perhaps you could see me. did i mention i am the tin can on the sidewalk? the one near a puddle of vomit. an old beggar left it there. he seemed to have a bad stomach earlier this morning. i should know because he’d been using me for seven months to ask for alms from indifferent passersby. but now the beggar had decided to get rid of me. he doesn’t need me anymore. he threw me away and left me there like a trash. what am i saying? i am a trash. i have always been a trash. and now, once again, i am useless. it’s pathetic to be used as a container of coins and being held up in front of peoples’ smug, disgusted or smirking faces. but i’d rather be a pathetic coin container than a useless, withered can. a few steps more, you’ll be right in front of me at last.

i see your hair is well-done today. your skin’s still flawless as i have imagined it. your red lips seem untouched and now i am thinking if i could kiss those someday. what a pathetic thought. and now it’s starting to rain. you looked up to the gray skies with utmost disappointment. how could be a disappointed look seem so beautiful? i guess, it’s because the look lies in your heavenly face. it’s so graceful how you opened that black umbrella. you lifted it up, got under it, raised your chin up again, and walked, but this time a little slower, perhaps you’re afraid the puddles of water on the wet sidewalk might stain your legs.

you’re so near now. i am here. down here. the tin can near the puddle of vomit. i am glad you’re walking slowly this time. there’s still a chance you could see me right? just a few more steps. my fingers are crossed if i have any.

seven more steps…

i could hear clearly, the sound your heels make...

five more…

three…

just one…

then, you stopped. you were careful not to step on the beggar’s vomit. i looked up and i can’t believe what i have just seen. were you looking at me? is that a smile from you? yes. that’s definitely a smile. you bent down, and picked me up. you were not disgusted. you didn’t hesitate to let those hands touch my rotten skin. you had seen me when i was invisible. you appreciated me when i feel so ugly. i am so glad you picked me up. and now i will no longer be a trash anymore, i guess. i will cease from being useless. i could be anything you want. i could be your flower pot. i could be your pencil holder. i could keep your coins for you, if you want. anything you want me to be, just name it.

i was so happy. you picked me up and now were both under your black umbrella. i was safe. secured. dry. there will no longer be rain to rust me or extreme sun to break me. you came and saw me when you i thought it was impossible. i was invisible but those brown eyes set upon me. and now i am the happiest tin can in the world.

then you walked, with me held in your left hand the umbrella in your right. it seemed like forever... almost.

seven more steps…

every step you take was a prayer...

five more…

three…

just one…

you stopped walking. and i felt your hand slacken. i could no longer feel your warm skin against mine. you let me go. and now i am falling, and as i fall i looked unto your beautiful face. but your eyes were blank. expressionless. blunt. apathetic. nothing could describe it now except the word cold. but why?

i was so stupid. i fooled myself into thinking that someone like you could love a tin can. you have a heart right? but you just can’t. and now everything becomes clear as i fall. i was falling and as i hit the bottom of the cold trash can, i looked up thinking you would have a second look. but you didn’t. if i had eyes, there would be tears flowing from them right now. and if i had a heart, i have no doubt that it’s now broken. but i don’t have such hollow organ because i am a tin can. hollow. useless. trash. together with all the ugliest things in the world.

if i had ears i would be listening to your footsteps. i have none but still i can hear. you’re in hurry now because the rain had grown stronger and angry at you. walk faster. don’t mind the mud that might stain you. you walked faster. you are walking so fast now. as fast as the heart you once been able to beat for you…slow and fast at the same time…

run! you don’t want to be late. i hope you get there.

. . .

i saw a beggar and a beautiful lady on my way home from morayta, earlier today. thought i could make something out of the experience.

E[kwento]MO: EMO Writing Contest

VOTE NOW!

45 comments:

tinay said...

I read you no matter how lengthy because I LEARN in-between. :)we're all beggars, sometimes. play the guitar or the flute or the tin cans.
when someone drops a coin, shout "huuuug!!!"

missed you. the lunacy ebbed, i'm trying to be back :D

jeepneyJOYride said...

..lucas,

..hi, haley here, bet you already know that huh?Ü

..i was contented on simply reading your blogs before, and then giving you my usual "kamusta naman un?!" response. but now, i felt the need to create an account, just so i can leave comments on your "more and more-becoming-emo-with-every-entry" domain..hehe!Ü

..i have no intention of starting a blog though, coz i can see how you've become addicted to it. i just can't afford to add another "distraction" into my growing list of excuses not to study. the exams are looming near, and crap, i haven't finish a single topic! (tick-tock-tick-tock..im doomed! *evil laugh*)Ü

..so, what's up tin can?! you got me a bit worried there! i'm glad i finished it, or else, i'd be thinking that something's wrong again. well, glad there isn't any (*sigh*).Ü

..and then i had to say, it was really nice of you to find inspiration in the simplest of things...and just be able to create such a powerful play of words.you are so freakin' great at this... and there isn't anyone else i know who can be as good as you are.Ü

..anyway, i got a class in a few minutes and i guess this is fairly long enough for my first comment.Ü

..i miss you a lot, keep safe.Ü

..haley.

Myk2ts said...

there are times that i feel like im a tin can too.

shallow.
ugly.
dirty.
useless.

but friends, family and God reminds me that no matter what, I AM BEAUTIFUL.

all of us.

nice entry Ron, nakakadala ng emosyon...

Myk2ts<~~emo mode :p

new template? nice :p

leviuqse said...

hey ron!!

you're one heck of a storyteller!!!

i was blown away!

you should consider submitting your works to a publishing company

try psicom!

leviuqse said...

you should consider being one, sayang ang talent!

Eyprille said...

just some superb talent , huh?!...good job..keep it up Ron...you're just extraordinary to be able to come up with such ideas and stories to tell in just a blink of an eye...Looking forward to reading more fantastic posts in your blog...

"ciao"?...hehehe :P

Myk2ts said...

yeah! haha, onga no, green to black and black to green...

anyway, ayos yung CM, I like Reid's character (matthew gray gubler)

i agree with you.

life may be difficult but we should know what our heart desires because He talks through our heart.

cheers

the spool artist said...

yeah, your words are rather profound dude! a few more posts and i can actually nominate you to the palanca awards!

joaqui_miguel said...

This one is real nice I have to say!

Good job as always. :)

Brent a.k.a. yourkidatheart said...

Tang ina (the juice and Filipino for Mom). You made me feel bad. And I let myself feel it. Shyet! Galing mo dun. Had that tin can been alive, I would have more than cied for it! Uhm... about your request... I'll still think about it... Just maybe before I end my blog hop, I'll decide whether to post the simple collage... :)

penngwen said...

wow. very very very poetic. :)

the menace said...

agree ako kay doraemon guy heheh.

if youre interested to write ron, i know some local oppz.

Mugen said...

Your entry can be interpreted in many ways. Ang galing pare. Hehe. I hope you don't mind if I use your style in one of my entries. You can use mine too if you want. Hindi ko naisip ito ah! :)

Keitaro Hanazawa said...

this post is full of emotions. it broke my heart in ways i could not imagine.

sadness.

loneliness.

depression.

if you were a tin can, Ron, you wouldn't be empty. You're so full of love and passion.:)

one of the greatest post i've ever read in my entire blogging life.

keep them coming.:)

p.s.
sana makapagsulat din ako ng heartwrenching na post like this.

Abaniko said...

I wonder what the lady will do with a "withered tin can" had she decided to bring it home with her. Hehe. Just kidding.

But seriously, you seem to be a profound person and you see beyond the literal.

Keep posting those deep thoughts on your blog!

dabo said...

flawless

Keitaro Hanazawa said...

I will write something like this too! Someday siguro.:) Iisipin ko pa kung anong bagay ako. The beggar's vomit, maybe?

Aaaaack! Natuwa naman ako when you said that I belong to the people that inspire you to write. Yaaay! Bigla mo akong pinalipad sa Mars. Make me a bad influence, haha!

Thank you for your nice comments on my blog.


Good vibes lagi!

Anonymous said...

haay...the corroded tin can mentality...

ang yabang naman ni tin can! alam na ngang corroded sya...umasa-asa pang mapansin tapos mahalin pa ng isang ms. walking-on-heels! Hindi nga sya kayang i-keep ni beggar eh.

Pero bilib ako dun sa character ni ms. walking-on-heels. hehe. Anlakas kaya nang loob niyang pulutin yung madungis na lata at finally ipamukha kay tin can ang ilan sa mga hindi na mababagong katotohanan--isa syang corroded tin can..at yun lang yun.

Lance said...

this piece could turn your tin can into gold..hahaha
nice entry, ron..
good thing you can still post stuff as good as this when you said that you'd be busy... or maybe you have already created this before??
anyway, me, hell, yeah, still busy..
auau!

RONeiluke, RN said...

to anonymous: thanks for always visiting may site... sana nagpapakilala ka di ba? kung hindi iisipin kong secret admirer kita or a STALKER! haha! hindi naman ako nangangain ng tao! haha! anyway thanks for the comment. ganun talaga kapag nagmamahal. somehow it makes you forget your flaws and go for it. at para kay ms. walking on heels..uhmm...environmental friendly lang talaga xa! haha! buti nga hindi ko xa pinagwalis nung vomit! hahaha!saan kaya xa pupunta noh?

Myk2ts said...

favorite ko na tong post na ito. nagtext na ko sa peabody para manominate ka dito.

be ready!
pasisikatin ka ng post na ito :)

Roland said...

nice piece. i like this too!

Myk2ts said...

yup, fave ko na to... hindi ko sa guard binigay,sa friend ko :) hehe di ko kasi nabasa ng maayos, since bet nya, binigay ko...:)

peabody prestigous award giving body yun... honestly, may laban ang entry mo. bow ako sa talent!

palakpakan ng bonggang bongga!
more more more~:)

RONeiluke, RN said...

wow..sana bigyan mo din ako ng libro..hays.. i miss reading books...except for the medical ones of course...

waaaa!talaga! hays..wala akong masabi. i couldn't thank you enough. :) maraming salamat talaga. parang nahihita tuloy ako ano ba yan...hehe.. but really thanks...:)

Myk2ts said...

ron, seryoso, pwedeng magka award ang entry. sana makakain din ako ng maraming sustansya galing sa gulay ng makagawa din ako ng fabolous na entry gaya nito. again, palakpakan...

ano nga pala yung "nahihita"?

sige, sana magustuhan mo mga selections ko. nagsawa din ako sa mga medical books nila marieb at tortora! kaloka!

Lance said...

@Ron:
panda bear? nice!

emo punk? yeah.. pero not at all times..

hehehe.. cge gudlack sa iyong busy week...

Reyn said...

This is a very great post. Conveys a lot of meaning though...

wanderingcommuter said...

i am moved...

mrs.j said...

hi ron..:P

boying said...

guess what? you actually made something good out of it. you're good.

rowjielogy.com said...

you know you really write well... that is one of my fristrations in life... :(

Chyng said...

clapping first..

"Be the change you want to see in the world." Prison Break

Lance said...

@ron:
ano yung grizzly?? diba brand yun ng kids' wear??hehehe un ung brand nang shirts ng little bro ko, ung baby ng ate ko..hehe

Im the emo punk, you're the emo nurse..hehehe kidding...

Im always checking on your page.. nice additional 'emo' pics on your site.. haha

when ba ung anniversary ng thread nato? do u remember?

spongebabe said...

ang haba... ang emo...

Aris said...

sometimes we feel unworthy until someone finds us. love. :)

FerBert said...

ang galing..
clap clap clap

akin ka na lang kase gagamitin kita sa tumbang preso kelangan ko ng lata doon.. hehe

Leonardo said...

No matter how ugly tin cans might be, once picked up at thrown at a bin, the next day, it'll be brand new. Life goes its cycle of sadness and pride like how tins are created and recycled. Right until the point that it is time for it to be permanently destroyed, so as the human body to decay. Good comparisons.

KRIS JASPER VAN DYKE said...

lengthy but very nice. I have no emtions though (aint human, remember? lol.)

I learn a lot about your kind (aka: humans) after reading this post.

seriously, you're a brilliant writer!

ish said...

lovely and well written. :)
i can feel that it was written from the heart. galing!

Anonymous said...

ronie!i'll vote for you!endless tears kung pwede nga lang e!!!ur really an inborn writer!napakahusay!!tsk!tsk!!muah!ngaun lang ulit ako nkdlaw dito..pcnxa..muah!!muah!!miz u na!!ronie dko alam panu ndi maging anonymous dito e..nakalimutan ko kung ao ung password ko..huhu..stupid me..cnxa na..=))

lloyd belleza said...

i have voted. i am just waiting for the confirmation of my vote. hmmm.. can i promote your entry to my site? can that be possible?? like the bloggerchoice style??

istepf said...

nald!=)

superb - one word to describe this entry..Ü

very overwhelming ang feeling ko while reading their comments.. i was like "OMG! he really got it,, damn good!" hehe..

so so proud of u nald.. hope ul bag the award!=)

missing our good old times together..♥

always, steph..Ü

RJ said...

5 tear drops for this Ron!

Reyn said...

Super duper whooper congratulations, Ron!

crushed said...

hi..just say your page..i love your stories..very nice.. :)