You have not known what you are.
You have slumbered upon yourself all your life.
Your eyes have been as much as closed most of the time.
What you have done is already in mockeries.

The mockeries are not you.
Underneath them
And within them,
I see you lurk...


-Walt Whitman


26.8.08

the deleted comment


A KICK-ASS BLOGGER from my roll posted a comment on my previous post entitled, end; he asked me to delete the comment, and somehow i understood why. i was taken aback at first, for some reasons, but after reading it for the nth time, i decided to copy it and save it on my flash drive. there’s something to learn about it, i thought. and there was. good thing i made a copy and i decided to make a post about it. the following is an excerpt from the deleted comment:

Ron,


PLEASE Delete this comment:


talk to your friends..

that is one the best thing you could do..
and if you feel really emotional, cry for pete sake but please don't cry for the next thousand years or people will make crazy urban legends about you

and lastly just a piece of an advice, this works for me.. i don't know with others
if you feel like writing your emotional status (most people find it therapeutic) then scribble it on paper or play your fingers on the keyboard... write so hard even if it bleeds

pero hanggang maari keep it private until you regain some control and senses about what you are writing.


then you can post it some other time (it can be an hours after mo binuhos ang sama ng loob mo, it doesn't have to count days) and you may choose not to edit it, so the truth of your moment is still essentially there.. once posted it will act as reminder and another enrichment of literature from you.


this in turn will protect you from craving attention and pity.. whether you are conscious about it or not, but humans crave for attention, even when they are hurting.


talk to friends is still one of the best thing around.

anyway maybe i am taking this quite far.. and assume to talk too much without knowing the real situation.. and i do apologized na rin for raining on your parade. you use strong words kasi and its really heartfelt.

. . .


"this in turn will protect you from craving attention and pity.. whether you are conscious about it or not, but humans crave for attention, even when they are hurting..."

when i first read eat, it seemed like it was saying that i am seeking attention of some sort. my ego defended itself for a moment, but in the end i was able to keep an open mind. he had a point. i tried to ponder on these words and ask questions. perhaps i am seeking attention and craving for pity, for all the things that had been happening in my life lately. i cannot be totally sure, though, because there’s a possibility that i am just unaware of it. that the truth of me being an attention-seeker, perhaps, lies in the unconscious realm of my mind. i know myself but i also believe that one’s personality is a dynamic entity. a journey that involves independent and undergoes a continuous process of learning. i don’t understand my self at times (or most of the time) so i think it’s better to lay everything on the table.


i have friends to talk about problems, personal struggles, excitement… especially now that my best friend decided to come back and leave her boyfriend of an ass for good. But writing those feelings is different from verbally saying them. i do believe that the best way to resolve or at least lighten personal baggage is to share it with someone, a friend, a family, someone you can trust. someone with an ear that listens, a shoulder you can lean on, and a mouth that utters balming and enlightening words but sometimes, however, it seems easier to open up with a complete stranger than a person who knows you. to someone who doesn’t know you at all. i am quite amused by how people here perceive me not just as a writer, but as a person. i know my writing and my opinions are ways for other people here in the blogosphere to have a glimpse of who i am, but some conclusions towards me are really…uhmm…let’s say curious. i wonder what crazy urban legends would be made or have already been made about me. i’m planning to make a post about this one.

blogging for me has been really therapeutic. i am able to express my self in ways, exactly how i wanted myself to be expressed. it really excites me how feelings that are so abstract could be articulated into tangible words. i use to write an entry as soon as i get the inspiration or feel an extreme emotion, perhaps because i want to preserve the essence of my work. i don’t want my posts to be outdated either, sort of. this site serves as my training ground for my communication and creative writing skills. i am hesitant to author this site at first because i was thinking that no one would care to read it. who would want to have a piece of ron’s twisted mind? then, there were comments, and people adding me to their rolls, requesting exchange links. some people care for what i think, i thought, and that’s enough for me to be inspired.

again, dave, thank you so much for the advice (even though in psychology, giving one is considered unethical. hehe! fyi). you can count on me doing it.
now, i can't quite understand why you wanted me to delete it, but i'm hoping you're not mad at me by making it as a post. to the readers and visitors who take time to read long entries, melancholic posts, stuff that don’t concern you and still manage to leave comments—i really appreciate it. thank you for all the compliments you have been giving. you make my stay here in the blogosphere so much fun…

37 comments:

acey said...

i hope is getting better, ron. :) take care.

odin hood said...

ang cute ni dabo! hehehe

joaqui_miguel said...

"however, it seems easier to open up with a complete stranger than a person who knows you"

In some instances this could be true. As much as we respect the opinions of our friends, it's also nice to hear a different perspective on the whole issue. And because they do not know us that much, they can give a more objective opinion which in some cases what are mostly needed. :)

lloyd belleza said...

he is right. i really agree with his points. there are things that need to be private, but it is still your discretion. it is your thought, your own emotion, your own story. no one can tell you to stop sharing. :)

infinity8 said...

I'm an introvert. And it pains me contain emotions. But sometimes, I'm better off with myself. :D

Jake Tornado said...

Dude, take some chocolates. They help.

Tekker!

wanderingcommuter said...

yan si dabo... naku, good adviser talaga yan..., ayan ha, hindio sarcastic yan...

Eyprille said...

"Something troubling your mind?
Then speak." (you write - and that's something I told you that can really help you get through all or most of the confusions you have in your life.)
"Dave" really has a point and good to know you've come to realized a lot of things through this. Tama xa to scribble your thoughts in a draft muna juz b4 you post dahil after nun na maLessen yung emotions, you will feel a lot better when writing at marami ka pa pwede madagdag na mas sensible na thoughts even realizations ng dahil sa mga na feel at naisip mo the tym na loaded ka pa...hehe!
Trust me..it works...just my style...at yung sabi mo about sa opening up to strangers, effective din yun at mas madalas ko din gawin yun kasi you can always pour out anyting without holding back.The thought na kahit maging concernd man cla sayo but still it'll be none of their business enwei is juz sumthing that cud help you feel a lot better..kasi sometimes, there are things na hindi natin fully maShare sa mga loved ones natin...that's why diaries and most especially blogs do come in handy nowadayw to spill things inside of us. The more yung nakakabasa...the more comments..the more na naaAbsorb yung pain...
Just be good to yourself...you'll always have the best things in life if you stay positive. It's ok to feel down at times...but dont ever let the pain eat the best of you...madami ngmamahal sayo Ron...always remember that.. :D
Wish you all the best! Mwahugs!

P.S Please wag din pakipost netu..for your eyes only...shy ako makita comment ko..bka sabihin nla kung sino ako at parang feeling ko ang galing2 ko sa life...hahaha..Enuf na mabasa mo itu...pls?...tnx... :)

Lance said...

Just continue to write Ron, you are doing it so well.


@roneiluke:
may nakiusisa nga! galing mung manghula ah! eh di naman totoo ung sabi nya.. but i have to respect him, ganyan talaga ang buhay..hahaha
i had a close gay friend before and till now we are still in contact with each other.. although he's from dumaguete, kaya di na kami masyado nagkikita..he's cool, kind, and a good friend.. part na rin nga xa ng family namin, my mom always looks for him everytime my celebration sa bahay..
I don't wanna explain myself on this matter as i don't see the point of doing so. They may take some points on my post, but not really understanding the scenario as a whole, and take it against me, still I will continue to blog.. I want to be real as much as possible..

I am still considering to continue watching the series. you're right! it's the characters, not the actors themselves.

oo, meron ngang pakpak ang palakol nya.. i almost forgot about it na..

this will be the last post i can make for august.. it's been a long and tiring month for all of us.. tapos it's BEER months na!!!
cheers!

Keitaro Hanazawa said...

Ron, whatever causes your depression, we sincerely hope that it'll be over soon. The sun is still shining.:)

Chyng said...

so nextime think twice or thrice before writing down a hard arguement.. (--,)

jounin said...

hi...er,i'm not really sure wat ur "emotional status" is, but i think i've been there---crying the pains to the world. yeah, it's therapeutic. and the seeking-attention thing? well, we have friends hu care about us so surely they would react,duh. but really, it's a release. and maybe our egos are hurt in one way or another, but in the end, we benefit from everything we do, we influence with every word we say. so ron, take it from me---WRITE YOUR HEART OUT! THE WORLD CAN GIVE A DAMN...AND SO CAN WE. but still :) always.
um, musta na ang 24 years old? heto, enjoying life...seeking new friends...building relationships...at nagpapayaman,hahaha

dabo said...

NO COMMENT.


--- --

Hahaha.. Lol :)

the menace said...

we cant help unsolicited attention or pieces of words tlaga. the moment we publish our public blog, we open it to everyone. but of course, there should always be room for self-preservartion

mrs.j said...

mhmm...

as for me i love blogging too tnx to my friend kalansay.. his d reason why i put up my own..

its also my haven e...panlabas ng mga sinasaloob..

i just allow my emotions to right and i believe i made posts na kahit papano may sense..

( i remember my post about my X whom i really miss.. now? di ko na alam..at ang post ko about my dad...haha powerful!)

allow lang din na magkaroon ka ng limit.. kasi baka mya binibigay mo na lahat masyado.. my tinatawag pading privacy :P

Mugen said...

Every writer is a keeper of memories... and also pain.

Pansin mo bakit kapag medyo mapait yung mga sinusulat ko, hindi ako naglalagay ng comment box. Kasi gusto kong ilabas yung sakit, pero ayaw kong kaawaan ako.

:)

Roland said...

naisip ko rin yan dati before i created my own blog... about self-preservation... na baka lumabas na kaawa-awa lang ako pag may nakabasa nun.

but when comments & advises comes in... nag-iba yun... i would prefer calling the "trade" as gaining "friends" not sympathy.

tama ka mas masarap makarinig ng mga payo sa strangers kaysa sa mga taong malapit na sa iyo.

dabo said...

now, i realize i need a disclaimer on my comments.. dyahe.. as in nahihiya ako..

@ewikk: anong meron.. di ba mas magaling kang adviser at mga sinasabi mo sa akin naman ay napapahamak ako este napapabuti pala ako..hehehe pasalamat ka wala akong load..hehehe peace V

@ ron, THANK YOU but most importantly, i really apologized for bursting your bubble.. sorry too for being big mouthed..

Myk2ts said...

sometimes, we can't help but to be misunderstood by others kapag nag rerelease tayo ng mga saloobin. hindi din natin maiiwasan na kaawaan tayo o taasan ng kilay.

but if that could make you feel better, then by all means, go for it.

kanya kanya naman tayong coping mechanism...

:)

i hope all is well.

mrs.j said...

palagi ko ngang cnasabi sa sarili ko:

"its always your choice"

alam mo naman if you are already giving away too much...un para bang nahuhubaran kana..

ako kasi minsan kahit pakiramdam kong hubad na ko...kahit papano kasi may parte sa aking alam kong may magbibigay tabing, sila ung mga taong...nagbabasa,umuunawa at nandyan para magbigay ng kanilang saloobin...sila ang nagiging damit ko at alam kong may natutunan sila sakin.

un ang nagpapatuloy sa aking maging bukas..

gets mo? sori im with my serious side nw

Bryan Anthony the First said...

it's your blog, do what you must.

wanderingcommuter said...

naks naman ang polite ni dabo!!!

Myk2ts said...

ron,
pareho naman siguro tayong lahat, we dont write para kaawaan o taasan ng kilay ng iba. we write because we want to be heard. to release. to ease.

smile :) God loves you :)

may point ka ha, dapat nga underground na ang kuryente. :) kaso lagot pag bumaha :))

Lance said...

@ron:
I actually don't get it too.. You know each other pala.. send him my regards nalng.. I also dropped him a comment.. sabi ko lang na peace tayo ha... hehehe

Like your recent post, I know at first you thought you have been misunderstood. Anong paki nila pag emo ang post mo, right? I mean, I can post an emote post but I am not really on an emo mode at all! Sometimes i find peace and happiness in being melancholic..hahaha
So that's it. But may point din xa. I respect nalng natin. Let's just learn from it though.

As long as I can reply to this thread, let's not stop it. I hope this can last for years. hahaha
diba nice pag na celebrate natin ang first anniversary ng thread nato..
hahaha.. weird..
anyway, may connection na naman sa office so i can check my blog if im on break...
so keep in touch, kkk?

have a good day, Ron!

Turismoboi said...

well dave is dave

KRIS JASPER VAN DYKE said...

ang haba ng comment ni dabo ah? parang post na rin..

anw, you write really well. deep, but not boring. keep it up.

mrs.j said...

i did..

bayan! dianaan ko lang sa pagexample sa sarili ko!

now gusto mo ng direct?

sige... r u less private?

hmm... hindi normal lang mas less pako sayo...

rheiboy17 said...

i guess one good thing in blogging is that you can write whatever. it is therapeutic.

sometimes kapag may problema ang tao, may nagsabi sa akin na "missery loves company", sa blogging ganun din.

this is a virtual family. we dont necessarily know each other, but we appreciate each other's company.

speak your mind.

ngayon, bakit nga ba pinapadelete?haaay :-)

dabo said...

i mean.. disclaimer for being big mouthed.. disclaimer is used para maprotektahan ang sarili ng isang entity (author, corporate being etc..) na ang kanyang sinasabi ay pwedeng invalid.. sample is "no approved therapeutic claim"

--- --

yun kay kuya ewik mo... wala yun.. hahahaha.. wala na kasi akong load, di ko sya mareplayan eh

richarddiongson.com said...

we write in our blogs just to express ourselves.

"walang pakialamanan..|"

we just want to chronicle our lives, and letting our lives become an open book..


tsk.. tsk.. tsk..


in a larger sense, blog is a space for coffee intellectuals...

dazedblu* said...

Hmmm.. what can [I] say huh?

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Have a nice day man :)

kalansaycollector said...

ako rin sobrang escape ko ang blogging.

hay ang sarap tumakas sa mundong ito. ;)

salingPUSA said...

Ron---this post is great, the advice and your reflection of the advice.....

You are lucky to have somebody like him to give an advice like that. It really shows that your previous articles deeply moved him or that he is sincerely concerned about your situation......

In my case, I have always thought that you are just good in playing with words that's why you have such depth in your posts. I am starting to realize now that one way or another you felt those things that you said that's why you were able to express it clearly.

It is therapeutic, true. And it's good that it works that way for you. But do listen to him as well. There is a lot of wisdom in what he said. Yes, I am also like you most of the time and my 27 years of existence have shown me that more often than not, you get into more trouble if you let your emotions get in the way. So yeah, just let it out like what he said, but don't post it until your emotions are settled. That advice I guess goes to all of us bloggers.

whether you are conscious about it or not, but humans crave for attention, even when they are hurting..."....I agree, then again, there is nothing wrong if you become more careful......

boying said...

so sana okay ka na ron.

penngwen said...

the comment is very very very true. :) that's why there is drafts so you could hold what you could publish. I, myself am guilty of that. XD

napundingalitaptap said...

buset! bakit ba masyado kang magaling magsulat!

at hindi pa rin ako magiingles!

whoaaaaaaaa, hindi ko alam kung bakit nun nagbabasa ako, naisip ko, parang pareho kayo ng galing ni fjordz hiraya. . . ingles nga lan sayo at sa kanya, puro rants and blame sa paligid nya.

oh well, naisip ko na din yan sinabi ni dabo, isa yan sa mga rason kung bakit hindi na ako nagsusulat ng gaano, kaya maliban sa nangangalawang na ang isip ko sa mga bagay-bagay e hindi ko na din napractice magsulat ng mas matalino.

tama sila, may drafts naman, may MS word, may notepad...kaso napakahaba mong magsulat, WORDPAD nalan... pero iba pa din ang dating kapag may nakisimpatya sayo, mas nabubuo ang mga ideya at hindi tumitigil sa kung ano ang abot ng isip mo, mas lumalawak ang lahat...at kadalasan, mas may naitatama.

magsulat ka lan, at magi ka lang responsable sa mga sinasabi mo, yun lan yun.

flyfly!

ps, buset, ang galing mo talaga, lampaso ang pagkatao ko.ahahaha!

yoshke said...

ako rin, yun din ang masa-suggest ko. keep some things private.

when im emo, i post things on my blog. I just want to write them down. translate the feelings into words. but i keep it password protected and no one really knows the password but me.

It's just nice to let it off my chest. kaya naman andaming password protected posts sa blog ko, haha.

"however, it seems easier to open up with a complete stranger than a person who knows you"

this is true. kasi you get a sort-of unbiased view. and pede sya maging brutally honest sayo.

and tama si JAKE TORNADO, chocolate lang yan. hehe