alcoholic thoughts

THERE WERE THREE THINGS i promised myself i will never ever do: one, i will not smoke. two, i will not be an adulterer. and three, i will not drink alcohol (i mean at all). my dad was the main reason i made this pact with myself many moons ago, when he was still a jack-ass of a father. there came a point in my life that i despised him so much that i became so determined not to become like him, especially his not so good attributes back then -- the three i just mentioned. but i’m not going to talk about my relationship with my father because i also promised myself to make this post a little happier this time due to insistent public demand. hehehe! let’s stir things a bit, shall we?

well, things are easier said than done. i broke one of the three. i became an adulterer! hahaha! did i mention i’m single? hehe! i was not able to fulfill the third one, actually. if you were able to read ‘tag number two’ you may already know that i was a late bloomer in terms of romantic relationships and same goes with my social drinking. believe it or not, my first taste of alcohol was when i was in 2^nd year… college! hehe! crazy, right? well, call me naïve but my principle about drinking back then was so rock-solid as my heart for my father, not to mention that i have lived my young years with my conservative grand parents.

as much as i valued my promise, it was rather very hard to keep. whenever there were birthday parties or special occasions with friends, and i refuse to have a drink, i couldn’t help but feel a little like an out-cast. the phrase ‘kill joy’ rang in my ears many times, and i couldn’t help but ask myself if i was still being reasonable. however, i was able to talk myself out of the personal conflict by saying ‘peer pressure’ over and over in my head.

i remembered the first time i got drunk and how amused i was for being able to finally feel how it’s like to be possessed by the spirit of alcohol. it seemed like a right of passage and i did it, finally. being an alcohol celibate, i became more curious about being drunk especially because of the myths and legends that had been formed about it. drunk people deny that they’re drunk. drunkenness becomes an excuse to socially unacceptable acts. (girl: something happened to us last night! boy: really? i really can’t remember. i was drunk!). and some says, you are the real you when you’re drunk. i think i need a couple more drinks to master alcohol’s effects… :)

i have learned to drink, but only the hard ones. i couldn’t enumerate them all but most of them were amber-colored, and the clear vodka, of course. my stomach couldn’t tolerate beer or let’s just say the soft ones. i hate the taste and they make me want to vomit out of nausea. i just don’t know why.

since i started to drink i have been to a lot of ‘drinking sessions.’ but more importantly i have learned something really vital: terrible things happen when you lose control. it is very important to know your limits and be a responsible drinker. learned it the hard way though. haha! i got drunk one time and i flirted with someone, with of my ex right infron of me. hehe! there was one time when i lost control. i can’t give you the exact picture of the craziness that had transpired that night. besides, they are too ghastly to tell! hehe! but to those who had the same experience, there’s a chance it had also happened to you :)

but the point is, since then, i became more apprehensive of how much i drink. that night will never happen again, i told myself. the lesson i’ve learned was tested, again, one night when we were invited to a fiesta. booze and fatty foods were everywhere. there was a videoke machine (my eyes literally sparkle in the sight of these ingenious inventions). everything was so festive and there’s no point of holding back. hahaha!

i got drunk as usual, but this time, due to a desperate attempt to hang on my sanity, and determination to be hailed as the only one who did not ‘met the goal’ (vomited), i did some things (i have no idea why i’m telling you this) and they actually worked for me. you could follow them, if you’re totally mental like me! haha!:

1. do push ups. (i can’t remember how many)
2. do jumping jacks. (just imagine the scene. people drinking while a groggy idiot jumps up and down)
3. punch a wall. (i still can’t help but laugh when i remember marky saying: ron, ‘wag ganyan. ilabas mo yan. alam mo ang selfish mo! i-share mo yang nararamdaman mo!) hahaha!
4. sing your lungs out. (i ruined my reputation. i can’t remember destroying a song completely. haley was my witness! haha! my favorite song to sing in the videoke lately is ‘bitiw’ by sponge cola)
5. isolate yourself. (i sat on an empty pedicab, but, being stationary made the ‘spinning’ worse so i decided to stand up against a lamppost. i think i was praying and singing a gospel song to drive out alcoholic spirits).
6. water and coffee therapy. (i asked the host for two large mugs of strong black coffee and plenty of drinking water. i killed a lot of potted plants that night).
7. take a shower. (i nearly got sick of seeing the toilet bowl already filled with semi-digested food my friends ate that night. happy fiesta! people lose manners when they’re drunk)
8. massage someone. (as i wait for the alcohol lose control of my central nervous system, i busied myself by massaging haley’s back. she told me i was good. i am good in a lot of things, i told her. hahaha!)
9. eat a lot. (food slows down the effect of alcohol. ate a plateful of chicken macaroni that night)
10. don’t sleep immediately. (alcohol is a depressant so it’s natural to feel drowsy. however, in my experience, risk of vomiting increases when you sleep immediately).

i hate the feeling of having a hang-over. hays… but somehow i miss the feeling of being ‘possessed.’ perhaps because of how it helps me get rid of my inhibitions, eradicate all pretensions, break my walls, and build bridges…

long post again… hehe! sorry, guys! at least it’s a little cheery, right? hehe!